(no subject)
alright, i now i just wrote in here (you should read the entry before this before reading this one or nothing will come out right).........i feel a little better getting it all out so if you don't mind, i'm going to keep going....
yes, i fucked up the other day, and i'm really sorry for it (you know who you are)....i'm scared. the end....i dreaded the day that you got to leave school on that friday and yesterday when you graduated. i tried so hard not to cry on those days and i didn't....but i did later (and i'm really tryig not to now)....i just miss you so bad. and i know your busy, i know that. it just makes me sad to think that we haven't really spent that much time together and we really haven't talked that much. maybe i'm just spoiled, you know, getting to spend nearly every saturday with you....and i see other people together who really don't get to see each other as often or spend as much time together, but they seem so much closer sometimes than you and I...maybe i'm just imagining it, assuming, or something..maybe you just want it to be that way...idk...don't get me wrong, i love you to death...i just wonder what's going through your mind sometimes.....i get really bad 'vibes'...i only realized that a little while ago...i trust you with my life, i really do....it's just that no one has ever treated me like you have before and i've come to realize that i haven't fully understood how to deal with that. a lot people have been assholes to me in the past and i think that's making me skeptical of stupid stuff that i shouldn't be skeptical about...maybe i shouldn't blame it on my past experiences...i just feel better thinking that it might be that b/c i honestly hate the feelings that i get sometimes and i want something to blame it on. one thing that has really gotten to me is you talking about that senior trip and how your going to hit up all the night clubs...wow, all i can picture are girls coming up to you and bumping and grinding until there is nothing left. i know i shouldn't think about it, but hey, put yourself in my shoes....but, i've come to realize that i shouldn't really care about it because i know i can trust you and i really don't care if girls do that (i just wish it could be me:P)...anyway....i hope you read this and i hope it makes sense to you.....you tell me to not hold back what i'm thinking, well, here it is...i'm just finding it a little easier to write it in here then tell you directly b/c i wanted to get it all out... i really hope you don't mind.....i love you, and i hope you understand where i'm coming from....
yes, i fucked up the other day, and i'm really sorry for it (you know who you are)....i'm scared. the end....i dreaded the day that you got to leave school on that friday and yesterday when you graduated. i tried so hard not to cry on those days and i didn't....but i did later (and i'm really tryig not to now)....i just miss you so bad. and i know your busy, i know that. it just makes me sad to think that we haven't really spent that much time together and we really haven't talked that much. maybe i'm just spoiled, you know, getting to spend nearly every saturday with you....and i see other people together who really don't get to see each other as often or spend as much time together, but they seem so much closer sometimes than you and I...maybe i'm just imagining it, assuming, or something..maybe you just want it to be that way...idk...don't get me wrong, i love you to death...i just wonder what's going through your mind sometimes.....i get really bad 'vibes'...i only realized that a little while ago...i trust you with my life, i really do....it's just that no one has ever treated me like you have before and i've come to realize that i haven't fully understood how to deal with that. a lot people have been assholes to me in the past and i think that's making me skeptical of stupid stuff that i shouldn't be skeptical about...maybe i shouldn't blame it on my past experiences...i just feel better thinking that it might be that b/c i honestly hate the feelings that i get sometimes and i want something to blame it on. one thing that has really gotten to me is you talking about that senior trip and how your going to hit up all the night clubs...wow, all i can picture are girls coming up to you and bumping and grinding until there is nothing left. i know i shouldn't think about it, but hey, put yourself in my shoes....but, i've come to realize that i shouldn't really care about it because i know i can trust you and i really don't care if girls do that (i just wish it could be me:P)...anyway....i hope you read this and i hope it makes sense to you.....you tell me to not hold back what i'm thinking, well, here it is...i'm just finding it a little easier to write it in here then tell you directly b/c i wanted to get it all out... i really hope you don't mind.....i love you, and i hope you understand where i'm coming from....