Say It Out Loud (9/12)
Pairing: Liam/Zayn
Word Count: this chapter, 2043
Rating: NC17
Based on this prompt
Sorry for the wait, hope you are all still with me!
For the next week Liam is in a constant state of anxiety, sure that he has been the ruin of Zayn and his future. It does not take long for the always observant Zayn to pick up on Liam’s sudden change in mood. On a quiet Thursday night in, he brings it up.
‘What is wrong and do not even try lying to me’ he says, a serious expression on his face, letting Liam know that he is in no mood for lies or excuses.
Liam twiddles his thumbs trying to come up with an excellent excuse in less than two seconds but he fails and a cloudy expression of guilt covers his face.
‘I am just worried about your operation’ Liam admits and watches Zayn sigh heavily.
‘I told you to stop worrying about that’ he frowns.
‘I can’t help it’
Liam feels the usual rush of anger when he thinks about Zayn’s father.
‘Why are you still worried? You said Dr Lyman agreed to proceeding with the operation’
Liam lets out a heavy breath, he knows he has to tell Zayn the real reason, he can’t keep it from him any longer. Without taking in Zayn’s expression, which he is sure will break his heart, he tells him all about the problem with the money and Zayn’s father.
When he finishes, Liam finally looks up and Zayn is now the one looking down. Liam watches his hair move as his face twitches with apparent anger.
Then, Zayn stands up abruptly, fixing the crease in his shirt, looking oddly calm. Liam is about to ask him what he is doing when Zayn holds out his hand to help Liam stand up.
‘Where are we going?’ Liam asks when he is on his feet, suddenly nervous at Zayn’s calm stature.
Zayn just laces their hands together and walks out Liam’s door, dragging the confused boy after him. As they walk, Liam tries to dissect in Zayn’s expression but cannot see past the calm. The contrast in their behaviours unnerves him.
What unnerves him even further is when they start to inch closer to Zayn’s car. Liam has to stop him then and nearly tumbles over with the force.
‘What are you doing?’ he asks, moving further into the path as cars travel past, wheels splashing in the puddles that were left over from the terrible weather they’ve been having.
‘Going to my house, hurry up before it starts to rain’ Zayn answers and Liam gawks at the happy face of his boyfriend.
‘Zayn, seriously what is going on?’ Liam refuses to move even when he feels drops of the predicted rain on his hair.
‘I’m going home’ Zayn states as if it is an obvious answer.
‘But I just told you that about your father and you are acting like everything is ok’ Liam starts to tremble slightly, the cold rain falling heavily and seeping into his clothes.
‘Come on Liam, we are both soaking’ Zayn grabs his hand again and Liam watches with confused fascination as the water drops off Zayn’s black hair and down his still peaceful face.
They quickly walk to Zayn’s car, jumping in out of the torrent of rain. Liam turns up the heat and the radio as Zayn quickly drives to his house. Liam focuses on the music and the way the windscreen wipers match the rhythm of the song. It distracts him form the sudden anxiety coursing through him.
When they arrive, the rain is coming in a steady downpour so they rush in the door where they gratefully meet the warmth inside the Malik home. Zayn’s mother comes out of the kitchen, nosy as to who just walked in her front door.
“Boys, what a pleasant surprise I was not expecting you! Come on in out of the cold” She greets them warmly and ushers them into the living room where a hearty fire is blazing.
“Would you like some dinner?” she asks, handing them both towels to dry off.
‘Is Dad here?’ Zayn ignores her question to ask one of his own. He runs the towel through his hair, messing it up and then over his face, removing any evidence of it having been raining outside.
She frowns and nods. “He is in his office where he normally is” she answers slowly, glancing between both Liam and Zayn.
Zayn moves to the door and looks back when Liam does not follow him.
‘Come on’ he raises his eyebrows expectantly at the now scared looking Liam. Zayn’s mother does not speak but her expression matches Liam’s. A little scared but more than anything; confused.
‘I have not got all day’ Zayn starts to open the door and Liam has no choice but to follow him.
They travel up the stairs and Liam’s heart beats faster with each step. He has walked past Zayn’s father’s office countless times, never daring to even stop outside the thick mahogany door. He nearly dies out of sheer terror when Zayn just strolls in without even knocking, grabbing Liam’s hand on his way.
The office has walls that are unpainted, no sign of decoration with just a simple table facing the far wall. A swanky computer sits on the table and Zayn’s father sits in the red swivel chair facing the bright glare of the screen, moving the chair slightly with his hips as he types. He looks up in surprise when Zayn and Liam walk in.
Liam notes the twitch in his eyebrow when he looks at Liam and Zayn’s interlaced hands and the way his hands grip the arms of the chair.
“You knock before you enter my office” he has too firm a grip on his chair to speak with his hands and Liam feels Zayn’s own grip strengthen around his hand. He releases him then to speak to his annoyed looking father.
‘Do you have some sort of problem with me Dad?’ Zayn asks and Liam wishes he could just bolt out the door.
Zayn’s Dad blanches at the question and his eyes flit around the room, suddenly uncomfortable.
‘Well?’ Zayn repeats, his expression starting to change from calm to stormy.
“Zayn, you know how I feel about your…. Phase”
Liam nearly growls with anger at his choice of words and he spots Zayn’s sudden change in posture. He straightens up and his eyes narrow.
‘And you know how I feel about you calling it that’
“Well son, I don’t know what to tell you, I am not having this discussion again, especially not in company” he looks at Liam then and there is something cold in the man’s eyes that makes Liam shiver.
‘Why are you not paying for my operation?’ Zayn asks and his father’s face drains of its colour.
“What?” he hisses, now looking at Liam as if he had worded the question.
‘Do you think that I have no idea what happens with my own operation?’ Zayn huffs out a laugh, as if to ridicule his father. He receives no answer and Liam shuffles awkwardly.
‘I know you are trying to punish me Dad but it won’t work’
Zayn’s father suddenly looks very small in his chair and the atmosphere in the room is thick with emotion. Anger, sadness, pity.
‘If you choose not to pay for it and I can’t get it, it is not going to change who I am. The only thing it will accomplish is that I will still be deaf. You don’t want that either Dad, I know I embarrass you. Your stupid deaf son’
Zayn’s hands are shaking and Liam wants nothing more than to reach out and grab them until he calms down and returns to his normal self. But he remains still, waiting for the argument to continue, hoping Zayn will find it within himself to remain as calm as possible.
‘I love Liam and you can’t change that and never will. I have told you that. Not paying for this operation which will change my life is not going to change my life choices. I will never be what you want me to be. And I love you too Dad, why can’t you just accept me?’
Zayn’s father who had started off with an angry expression has now morphed into one of sadness and what Liam thinks may be regret.
‘Don’t do this to me, don’t do it to my mother’ Zayn says and a tear runs down his cheek which he quickly wipes away. Liam can’t help it; he wraps an arm around Zayn and keeps a tight grip on him, watching Zayn’s face twist into a sad smile at the feel of Liam’s support.
Liam tears his eyes away and looks again towards Zayn’s father who is sitting silently in his chair, tears brimming in his eyes. Liam flinches slightly when the man stands up, somehow expecting to feel a fist connect with his face.
Instead, he feels Zayn being tugged out of his grip and watches in shock as father and son embrace in a tight hug. Liam feels a lump rise in his throat as he watches Zayn’s dad crying, holding onto his son for dear life.
“I’m so sorry” he says to Liam over Zayn’s head and Liam offers a watery smile of acceptance back, allowing himself to smile when he sees Zayn’s grinning face turn toward him.
Liam slips out of the room, deciding to leave them alone to talk and joins the family in the kitchen where they are normally gathering around the oven.
Zayn’s mother frowns at Liam’s teary but happy face.
“Is everything ok?” she asks, worry etched all over her.
“Everything is wonderful” Liam answers honestly, the weight on his shoulders disappearing and smiles as she hands him a knife and a pepper, cutting it with a cheery whistle.
~~
That night, for the first time, Liam finds himself enjoying the company of Zayn’s father. He answers his questions and laughs at his jokes, enjoying the way Zayn squeezes his knee encouragingly under the table.
After the meal, Zayn’s father says a toast in honour of Zayn’s impending operation and everyone raises their glass with a cheer. It is the best Liam has felt in some time and Zayn’s constant smile reassures him of this.
In Zayn’s bedroom later that night when everyone is asleep, Liam looks sideways at Zayn who is propped against the headboard, deeply immersed in a book. Zayn’s own eyes flit to the side and he catches Liam’s gaze. He places the book attentively down on his lap and turns his head to face him properly.
“Why did you bring me today?” Liam asks aloud, his hands too comfortable under Zayn’s warm quilt.
Zayn pauses a moment, teeth worrying his bottom lip as he considers his answer.
‘I wanted my Dad to realise how serious I was about you I suppose. And I wanted you there with me, I needed you close to me’ Zayn admits, a slight blush colouring his cheeks at the confession.
Liam’s answer is a wide grin that is seemingly contagious, making a wide smile spread across Zayn’s face.
“So is everything ok then? He is going to pay for your operation”
Zayn nods his head eagerly, his smile growing wider.
‘And probably our wedding’ Zayn jokes, flicking Liam’s nose fondly.
“What if my singing is actually terrible and you can’t stand it so dump me?” Liam asks a fake pout on his face.
‘I am sure that is the last thing I will do’
Zayn’s expression is suddenly serious and he props himself on up on one elbow, lowering himself so he can kiss Liam. Their lips connect like usually, perfectly slotting together. Zayn kisses him languidly and Liam swears he can feel all the emotion from toy pouring from Zayn into him. He gladly accepts them, wanting to protect Zayn from anything painful feelings forever.
They kiss like that for a long time. Slowly and passionately until the only emotion left travelling between them is pure lust. They don’t have sex, too paranoid to do so in Zayn’s family home but they both make sure the other is satisfied in some way and fall asleep completely comfortable and liberated in each other’s arms.
//
part ten
Word Count: this chapter, 2043
Rating: NC17
Based on this prompt
Sorry for the wait, hope you are all still with me!
For the next week Liam is in a constant state of anxiety, sure that he has been the ruin of Zayn and his future. It does not take long for the always observant Zayn to pick up on Liam’s sudden change in mood. On a quiet Thursday night in, he brings it up.
‘What is wrong and do not even try lying to me’ he says, a serious expression on his face, letting Liam know that he is in no mood for lies or excuses.
Liam twiddles his thumbs trying to come up with an excellent excuse in less than two seconds but he fails and a cloudy expression of guilt covers his face.
‘I am just worried about your operation’ Liam admits and watches Zayn sigh heavily.
‘I told you to stop worrying about that’ he frowns.
‘I can’t help it’
Liam feels the usual rush of anger when he thinks about Zayn’s father.
‘Why are you still worried? You said Dr Lyman agreed to proceeding with the operation’
Liam lets out a heavy breath, he knows he has to tell Zayn the real reason, he can’t keep it from him any longer. Without taking in Zayn’s expression, which he is sure will break his heart, he tells him all about the problem with the money and Zayn’s father.
When he finishes, Liam finally looks up and Zayn is now the one looking down. Liam watches his hair move as his face twitches with apparent anger.
Then, Zayn stands up abruptly, fixing the crease in his shirt, looking oddly calm. Liam is about to ask him what he is doing when Zayn holds out his hand to help Liam stand up.
‘Where are we going?’ Liam asks when he is on his feet, suddenly nervous at Zayn’s calm stature.
Zayn just laces their hands together and walks out Liam’s door, dragging the confused boy after him. As they walk, Liam tries to dissect in Zayn’s expression but cannot see past the calm. The contrast in their behaviours unnerves him.
What unnerves him even further is when they start to inch closer to Zayn’s car. Liam has to stop him then and nearly tumbles over with the force.
‘What are you doing?’ he asks, moving further into the path as cars travel past, wheels splashing in the puddles that were left over from the terrible weather they’ve been having.
‘Going to my house, hurry up before it starts to rain’ Zayn answers and Liam gawks at the happy face of his boyfriend.
‘Zayn, seriously what is going on?’ Liam refuses to move even when he feels drops of the predicted rain on his hair.
‘I’m going home’ Zayn states as if it is an obvious answer.
‘But I just told you that about your father and you are acting like everything is ok’ Liam starts to tremble slightly, the cold rain falling heavily and seeping into his clothes.
‘Come on Liam, we are both soaking’ Zayn grabs his hand again and Liam watches with confused fascination as the water drops off Zayn’s black hair and down his still peaceful face.
They quickly walk to Zayn’s car, jumping in out of the torrent of rain. Liam turns up the heat and the radio as Zayn quickly drives to his house. Liam focuses on the music and the way the windscreen wipers match the rhythm of the song. It distracts him form the sudden anxiety coursing through him.
When they arrive, the rain is coming in a steady downpour so they rush in the door where they gratefully meet the warmth inside the Malik home. Zayn’s mother comes out of the kitchen, nosy as to who just walked in her front door.
“Boys, what a pleasant surprise I was not expecting you! Come on in out of the cold” She greets them warmly and ushers them into the living room where a hearty fire is blazing.
“Would you like some dinner?” she asks, handing them both towels to dry off.
‘Is Dad here?’ Zayn ignores her question to ask one of his own. He runs the towel through his hair, messing it up and then over his face, removing any evidence of it having been raining outside.
She frowns and nods. “He is in his office where he normally is” she answers slowly, glancing between both Liam and Zayn.
Zayn moves to the door and looks back when Liam does not follow him.
‘Come on’ he raises his eyebrows expectantly at the now scared looking Liam. Zayn’s mother does not speak but her expression matches Liam’s. A little scared but more than anything; confused.
‘I have not got all day’ Zayn starts to open the door and Liam has no choice but to follow him.
They travel up the stairs and Liam’s heart beats faster with each step. He has walked past Zayn’s father’s office countless times, never daring to even stop outside the thick mahogany door. He nearly dies out of sheer terror when Zayn just strolls in without even knocking, grabbing Liam’s hand on his way.
The office has walls that are unpainted, no sign of decoration with just a simple table facing the far wall. A swanky computer sits on the table and Zayn’s father sits in the red swivel chair facing the bright glare of the screen, moving the chair slightly with his hips as he types. He looks up in surprise when Zayn and Liam walk in.
Liam notes the twitch in his eyebrow when he looks at Liam and Zayn’s interlaced hands and the way his hands grip the arms of the chair.
“You knock before you enter my office” he has too firm a grip on his chair to speak with his hands and Liam feels Zayn’s own grip strengthen around his hand. He releases him then to speak to his annoyed looking father.
‘Do you have some sort of problem with me Dad?’ Zayn asks and Liam wishes he could just bolt out the door.
Zayn’s Dad blanches at the question and his eyes flit around the room, suddenly uncomfortable.
‘Well?’ Zayn repeats, his expression starting to change from calm to stormy.
“Zayn, you know how I feel about your…. Phase”
Liam nearly growls with anger at his choice of words and he spots Zayn’s sudden change in posture. He straightens up and his eyes narrow.
‘And you know how I feel about you calling it that’
“Well son, I don’t know what to tell you, I am not having this discussion again, especially not in company” he looks at Liam then and there is something cold in the man’s eyes that makes Liam shiver.
‘Why are you not paying for my operation?’ Zayn asks and his father’s face drains of its colour.
“What?” he hisses, now looking at Liam as if he had worded the question.
‘Do you think that I have no idea what happens with my own operation?’ Zayn huffs out a laugh, as if to ridicule his father. He receives no answer and Liam shuffles awkwardly.
‘I know you are trying to punish me Dad but it won’t work’
Zayn’s father suddenly looks very small in his chair and the atmosphere in the room is thick with emotion. Anger, sadness, pity.
‘If you choose not to pay for it and I can’t get it, it is not going to change who I am. The only thing it will accomplish is that I will still be deaf. You don’t want that either Dad, I know I embarrass you. Your stupid deaf son’
Zayn’s hands are shaking and Liam wants nothing more than to reach out and grab them until he calms down and returns to his normal self. But he remains still, waiting for the argument to continue, hoping Zayn will find it within himself to remain as calm as possible.
‘I love Liam and you can’t change that and never will. I have told you that. Not paying for this operation which will change my life is not going to change my life choices. I will never be what you want me to be. And I love you too Dad, why can’t you just accept me?’
Zayn’s father who had started off with an angry expression has now morphed into one of sadness and what Liam thinks may be regret.
‘Don’t do this to me, don’t do it to my mother’ Zayn says and a tear runs down his cheek which he quickly wipes away. Liam can’t help it; he wraps an arm around Zayn and keeps a tight grip on him, watching Zayn’s face twist into a sad smile at the feel of Liam’s support.
Liam tears his eyes away and looks again towards Zayn’s father who is sitting silently in his chair, tears brimming in his eyes. Liam flinches slightly when the man stands up, somehow expecting to feel a fist connect with his face.
Instead, he feels Zayn being tugged out of his grip and watches in shock as father and son embrace in a tight hug. Liam feels a lump rise in his throat as he watches Zayn’s dad crying, holding onto his son for dear life.
“I’m so sorry” he says to Liam over Zayn’s head and Liam offers a watery smile of acceptance back, allowing himself to smile when he sees Zayn’s grinning face turn toward him.
Liam slips out of the room, deciding to leave them alone to talk and joins the family in the kitchen where they are normally gathering around the oven.
Zayn’s mother frowns at Liam’s teary but happy face.
“Is everything ok?” she asks, worry etched all over her.
“Everything is wonderful” Liam answers honestly, the weight on his shoulders disappearing and smiles as she hands him a knife and a pepper, cutting it with a cheery whistle.
~~
That night, for the first time, Liam finds himself enjoying the company of Zayn’s father. He answers his questions and laughs at his jokes, enjoying the way Zayn squeezes his knee encouragingly under the table.
After the meal, Zayn’s father says a toast in honour of Zayn’s impending operation and everyone raises their glass with a cheer. It is the best Liam has felt in some time and Zayn’s constant smile reassures him of this.
In Zayn’s bedroom later that night when everyone is asleep, Liam looks sideways at Zayn who is propped against the headboard, deeply immersed in a book. Zayn’s own eyes flit to the side and he catches Liam’s gaze. He places the book attentively down on his lap and turns his head to face him properly.
“Why did you bring me today?” Liam asks aloud, his hands too comfortable under Zayn’s warm quilt.
Zayn pauses a moment, teeth worrying his bottom lip as he considers his answer.
‘I wanted my Dad to realise how serious I was about you I suppose. And I wanted you there with me, I needed you close to me’ Zayn admits, a slight blush colouring his cheeks at the confession.
Liam’s answer is a wide grin that is seemingly contagious, making a wide smile spread across Zayn’s face.
“So is everything ok then? He is going to pay for your operation”
Zayn nods his head eagerly, his smile growing wider.
‘And probably our wedding’ Zayn jokes, flicking Liam’s nose fondly.
“What if my singing is actually terrible and you can’t stand it so dump me?” Liam asks a fake pout on his face.
‘I am sure that is the last thing I will do’
Zayn’s expression is suddenly serious and he props himself on up on one elbow, lowering himself so he can kiss Liam. Their lips connect like usually, perfectly slotting together. Zayn kisses him languidly and Liam swears he can feel all the emotion from toy pouring from Zayn into him. He gladly accepts them, wanting to protect Zayn from anything painful feelings forever.
They kiss like that for a long time. Slowly and passionately until the only emotion left travelling between them is pure lust. They don’t have sex, too paranoid to do so in Zayn’s family home but they both make sure the other is satisfied in some way and fall asleep completely comfortable and liberated in each other’s arms.
//
part ten