(no subject)
the past couple of weeks have been rough.
i've been looking for a new job since being told that i had to leave by hong and jodi. i was supposed to recieve a call back from the manager at starbucks yesterday, but i didn't. so i called her instead only to find out she wasn't in. i left a message, hopefully she'll get back to me today with the exciting words of, "you're hired".
i really don't wanna work at starbucks though.
even though i've kinda always thought it'd be cool to work there, i'm just so content with jamba. i don't have to come out to anyone. i don't have to explain why i am the way i am. my co workers accept me for who i am, and call me by my chosen name. but if i get starbucks, then i have to explain to everyone. i have to come out of my comfort zone. this would be easier if my name was legally "andrew giovanni gomez" already.
hopefully i get it though. because i have a little bit less than a month to find new employment. i'm trying real hard to make mends with the person who complained and who refused to work with me. he's the reason i have to quit, and it sucks. we were great friends, and i loved working with him and to know he'd rather quit than work during my shift is heartbreaking. little does he know i have loads of ammo i could unleash, just like he went and showed everyone and their mom the text i sent him. the conversation was between he and i. not he, i, and the entire staff. i really just need to work in a high school drama free atmosphere.
i'm too old for this teeny bopper bullshit.
ura meetings start this tuesday, and to be quite honest...i'm dreading it. i really don't feel comfortable in the club anymore. i had a long talk with carrie a few days ago about why i feel out of place. now that i'm male to everyone else, and i'm dating a girl...i'm automatically precieved as being straight. being heterosexual. and that's a term i've never been comfortable with. i've never ever in my 24 years of life have labeled myself that and felt comfortable. i don't believe i'm straight. i don't believe i'm heterosexual. i just believe i'm queer. i'm attracted to all sorts of people. boys, girls, birls, dykes, bois, trans boys, trans girls...it doesn't matter to me. if you're sexy, and have a great personality, then what does sex or gender matter? everyone in the club is either gay, or lesbian, or straight. i think there's maybe one bisexual girl, and i'm the only trans boy. everyone has someone to talk to about their coming out situation, or their families, but i've got no one. nobody in that club has any idea what coming out as trans feels like, or what i go through.
after this semester, i'm moving on to bigger and better things. the united rainbow alliance has given me alot of shelter, family and a sense of community. but i feel i can't get what i need from it anymore. i need a community with people like myself. with people that i can talk to about being trans, coming out to family, transitions, stuff like that. thank god for birls, because i would've never met the guys that i have grown close to. even if it's over the internet blogging, i've felt a connection and i'm greatful.
so here's my big thanks to guys like, sircharlie, hippiejp3, jackboy, xx_imperium_xx, and last but not least, mcpuggington.
thanks guys. i love you all like the brothers i've never had <333
enough with all the sappyness.
i start therapy in exactly 6 days. i'm super excited. i can't wait to begin therapy, i've never been so excited to talk about my problems. once i start T, i feel like i'll be able to pass better. my voice kinda gives it away sometimes. i've been told i have a deep voice for a bio female, but when i have to project my voice, there are certain words i have a hard time saying that loud. every ounce of my body graves testosterone. every ounce of my being craves the hormones that i've been lacking. my only problem is, should i tell my mom i'm begining therapy? when i start hormones, should i tell her, or just let the facial hair and deepened voice tell her?
what would you do guys?
i've been looking for a new job since being told that i had to leave by hong and jodi. i was supposed to recieve a call back from the manager at starbucks yesterday, but i didn't. so i called her instead only to find out she wasn't in. i left a message, hopefully she'll get back to me today with the exciting words of, "you're hired".
i really don't wanna work at starbucks though.
even though i've kinda always thought it'd be cool to work there, i'm just so content with jamba. i don't have to come out to anyone. i don't have to explain why i am the way i am. my co workers accept me for who i am, and call me by my chosen name. but if i get starbucks, then i have to explain to everyone. i have to come out of my comfort zone. this would be easier if my name was legally "andrew giovanni gomez" already.
hopefully i get it though. because i have a little bit less than a month to find new employment. i'm trying real hard to make mends with the person who complained and who refused to work with me. he's the reason i have to quit, and it sucks. we were great friends, and i loved working with him and to know he'd rather quit than work during my shift is heartbreaking. little does he know i have loads of ammo i could unleash, just like he went and showed everyone and their mom the text i sent him. the conversation was between he and i. not he, i, and the entire staff. i really just need to work in a high school drama free atmosphere.
i'm too old for this teeny bopper bullshit.
ura meetings start this tuesday, and to be quite honest...i'm dreading it. i really don't feel comfortable in the club anymore. i had a long talk with carrie a few days ago about why i feel out of place. now that i'm male to everyone else, and i'm dating a girl...i'm automatically precieved as being straight. being heterosexual. and that's a term i've never been comfortable with. i've never ever in my 24 years of life have labeled myself that and felt comfortable. i don't believe i'm straight. i don't believe i'm heterosexual. i just believe i'm queer. i'm attracted to all sorts of people. boys, girls, birls, dykes, bois, trans boys, trans girls...it doesn't matter to me. if you're sexy, and have a great personality, then what does sex or gender matter? everyone in the club is either gay, or lesbian, or straight. i think there's maybe one bisexual girl, and i'm the only trans boy. everyone has someone to talk to about their coming out situation, or their families, but i've got no one. nobody in that club has any idea what coming out as trans feels like, or what i go through.
after this semester, i'm moving on to bigger and better things. the united rainbow alliance has given me alot of shelter, family and a sense of community. but i feel i can't get what i need from it anymore. i need a community with people like myself. with people that i can talk to about being trans, coming out to family, transitions, stuff like that. thank god for birls, because i would've never met the guys that i have grown close to. even if it's over the internet blogging, i've felt a connection and i'm greatful.
so here's my big thanks to guys like, sircharlie, hippiejp3, jackboy, xx_imperium_xx, and last but not least, mcpuggington.
thanks guys. i love you all like the brothers i've never had <333
enough with all the sappyness.
i start therapy in exactly 6 days. i'm super excited. i can't wait to begin therapy, i've never been so excited to talk about my problems. once i start T, i feel like i'll be able to pass better. my voice kinda gives it away sometimes. i've been told i have a deep voice for a bio female, but when i have to project my voice, there are certain words i have a hard time saying that loud. every ounce of my body graves testosterone. every ounce of my being craves the hormones that i've been lacking. my only problem is, should i tell my mom i'm begining therapy? when i start hormones, should i tell her, or just let the facial hair and deepened voice tell her?
what would you do guys?