(no subject)
So you know those commercials for Disney, when the little girl and her brother are in their beds asking "are you sleeping?" "no, are you?" and the mom comes in and says "you guys should be sleeping" and the little boy says "I can't... I'm too excited"...
well the dialogue is now running through my head at full speed... My flight is at 8, I have to wake up at 5:30 but I can't sleep because I'm too excited...
and it really is cuz I'm going to Disney.
The funny part is it's not that I'm going to disney that I'm so excited (well.. I AM excited about that) but it's the fact that when I come back, I'll be packing for well... home... good, tasty... friendly home... And somehow I can't stop thinking about everything (not everyone...) I'm gonna do while I'm there...
on a different note: It helps to know that I have people waiting... for me... It's funny how those insecurities have for the first time been fought off... well... they're fighting... I still have them... I have moments of intense doubt, and then I think about things and suddenly I feel so relieved to have a way to say "no, that's impossible, I'm overreacting"... it's like the whole friends "forgetting" me issue I had. A) my friends weren't forgetting me... I know that for a FACT... just situations well... sucked... with some and I felt insecure about the others and B) I think part of me felt insecure about looking for new friends... trying to work for friends... I was actually WANTING to feel lonely... And once it was brought up to me, once someone actually said "hey, there should be no complaining about being lonely, you chose to go this way" I realised that yes I did... and I was choosing to feel miserable here...
In the end I realised people missed me, but that I didn't have to live my life in it, and dwell in it.
Situation now... same thing... I freak out... occasionally... but that's cuz I'm letting myself be freaked out... and I remember the good stuff... and I think "there's no reason to freak out".. and well.. today, well, I finally had a reinforcement... And well... today... I actually spontaneously called someone... me... the phone phobic... why? because someone actually said "it's all in the head anna... you're making yourself seem like it's gonna be the worst conversation in the world... you overanalyse everything, but really it's positive... etc etc etc" and really... I resolved my issue in the first minute... and had a good 19 minutes traveling through Houston (and I still don't know how) on the phone with someone I would normally have phone phobia callling... Really, the list of people I CAN call without phone phobia is rare and far between... so this is like UBER good news.
PS... back to the beginning; anyone want anything from Disney? I already have two requests (and it's funny because one said "anything as long as it's NOT the little mermaid... because of you" and the other one said "get me the little mermaid, I love the little mermaid...".. I laughed) , I'd be happy to get more stuff, just let me know! I will have my cell phone on me at all times. I'd prefer texts but I can handle messages. If you can't either text people, nor do you actually have a way to call non-local numbers well then find someone who you know has a cell phone ask if you can "borrow it for a second" and text me... or you know... find someone nice enough to do it for you.. or group messages can work too... Remember to put your name, and if you want something specific (uh.. yeah there's a limit... I'm not a millionaire, so be respectful of that) And my number is 713.34.94.713... my last day at the parks is Wednesday so uh... before then would be GREAT
Much love to all of ya'll... *MUAH MUAH MUAH*
well the dialogue is now running through my head at full speed... My flight is at 8, I have to wake up at 5:30 but I can't sleep because I'm too excited...
and it really is cuz I'm going to Disney.
The funny part is it's not that I'm going to disney that I'm so excited (well.. I AM excited about that) but it's the fact that when I come back, I'll be packing for well... home... good, tasty... friendly home... And somehow I can't stop thinking about everything (not everyone...) I'm gonna do while I'm there...
on a different note: It helps to know that I have people waiting... for me... It's funny how those insecurities have for the first time been fought off... well... they're fighting... I still have them... I have moments of intense doubt, and then I think about things and suddenly I feel so relieved to have a way to say "no, that's impossible, I'm overreacting"... it's like the whole friends "forgetting" me issue I had. A) my friends weren't forgetting me... I know that for a FACT... just situations well... sucked... with some and I felt insecure about the others and B) I think part of me felt insecure about looking for new friends... trying to work for friends... I was actually WANTING to feel lonely... And once it was brought up to me, once someone actually said "hey, there should be no complaining about being lonely, you chose to go this way" I realised that yes I did... and I was choosing to feel miserable here...
In the end I realised people missed me, but that I didn't have to live my life in it, and dwell in it.
Situation now... same thing... I freak out... occasionally... but that's cuz I'm letting myself be freaked out... and I remember the good stuff... and I think "there's no reason to freak out".. and well.. today, well, I finally had a reinforcement... And well... today... I actually spontaneously called someone... me... the phone phobic... why? because someone actually said "it's all in the head anna... you're making yourself seem like it's gonna be the worst conversation in the world... you overanalyse everything, but really it's positive... etc etc etc" and really... I resolved my issue in the first minute... and had a good 19 minutes traveling through Houston (and I still don't know how) on the phone with someone I would normally have phone phobia callling... Really, the list of people I CAN call without phone phobia is rare and far between... so this is like UBER good news.
PS... back to the beginning; anyone want anything from Disney? I already have two requests (and it's funny because one said "anything as long as it's NOT the little mermaid... because of you" and the other one said "get me the little mermaid, I love the little mermaid...".. I laughed) , I'd be happy to get more stuff, just let me know! I will have my cell phone on me at all times. I'd prefer texts but I can handle messages. If you can't either text people, nor do you actually have a way to call non-local numbers well then find someone who you know has a cell phone ask if you can "borrow it for a second" and text me... or you know... find someone nice enough to do it for you.. or group messages can work too... Remember to put your name, and if you want something specific (uh.. yeah there's a limit... I'm not a millionaire, so be respectful of that) And my number is 713.34.94.713... my last day at the parks is Wednesday so uh... before then would be GREAT
Much love to all of ya'll... *MUAH MUAH MUAH*