(no subject)
So stole from my girl Kati's journal but SO funny!
Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie dolls
for the South Florida market:
Boca Raton Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at the Town Center Mall. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired
foreign lap-dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with lawn
service. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic
ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
Coral Springs Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no
full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone
sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available at Target
Riviera Beach Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a
'78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model
is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash,
preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
you are talking about.
Palm Beach Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country
club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking
Nanny.
Acreage Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR. She has a six-pack of Coors Light an
a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Available at Big Lots & Dollar General Stores.
Lake Worth Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer-Gut Ken out of Lake Worth Barbie's house (discontinued). Her
ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails,
strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's
dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
Fort Lauderdale Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex
and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the martini
bar. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox injections.
Lantana Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll and bible. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. & bus pass. Gangsta Ken & his '79 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of
the infant. Available at any Christian bookstore.
Delray Beach Barbie
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way.
Worships the sun by day and strolls down the Avenue by night. We don't
know who Ken is because he's always in North Florida or Georgia hunting
or on a business trip. Delray Beach Barbie aspires to become Boca Raton
Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
North Miami Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This
is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a
meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand.
Green cards are not yet available for the northern Miami Barbie or Ken
South Beach Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to "experiment." Comes
with bikini and clubwear (sunglasses can be worn with both). Techno
music collection & Glowsticks included. South Beach Rave Club sold
separately for all night fun!
Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie dolls
for the South Florida market:
Boca Raton Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at the Town Center Mall. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired
foreign lap-dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with lawn
service. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic
ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
Coral Springs Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no
full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone
sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available at Target
Riviera Beach Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a
'78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model
is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash,
preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
you are talking about.
Palm Beach Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country
club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking
Nanny.
Acreage Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR. She has a six-pack of Coors Light an
a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Available at Big Lots & Dollar General Stores.
Lake Worth Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer-Gut Ken out of Lake Worth Barbie's house (discontinued). Her
ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails,
strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's
dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
Fort Lauderdale Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex
and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the martini
bar. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox injections.
Lantana Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll and bible. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. & bus pass. Gangsta Ken & his '79 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of
the infant. Available at any Christian bookstore.
Delray Beach Barbie
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way.
Worships the sun by day and strolls down the Avenue by night. We don't
know who Ken is because he's always in North Florida or Georgia hunting
or on a business trip. Delray Beach Barbie aspires to become Boca Raton
Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
North Miami Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This
is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a
meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand.
Green cards are not yet available for the northern Miami Barbie or Ken
South Beach Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to "experiment." Comes
with bikini and clubwear (sunglasses can be worn with both). Techno
music collection & Glowsticks included. South Beach Rave Club sold
separately for all night fun!