What Makes a Date?
I hung out with E the other day. We did a movie and a snack after. He paid for everything. And I was left wondering what it is that makes this not a date. What makes the difference between “dating” and “hanging out”? What is it that sets one person apart from another? And if “dating” and “hanging out” look exactly the same, how is anyone supposed to feel secure in a relationship with him? Or with anyone else for that matter.
Is it intention? Is it physical interest and activity? Is it whether or not there is a kiss at the end?
What about those “dates” that do not end with kisses? Or those “hanging out” times that get frisky and playful and sexually charged? What about those random days when you just want to kiss whatever cute guy comes along? What does that become?
I’ve had very few what I would call “dates” in my life, almost all with guys I had just met who did the official “can I take you out to dinner” thing. Only once was it a dress-up-and-get-picked-up-at-my-home affair. None included flowers.
My most romantic date ever was not even really a date. It was me visiting a friend who was working at a hotel out of state. He was lonely and I wanted to get out of town and play at the beach. So I went to visit. We had dinner at a lovely restaurant on the beach. The restaurant was on the fancier side, the kind with linen napkins and several forks beside the plates and a dress code required. No shorts and tank tops here. We sat at a table next to a large window that looked out onto the ocean and he let me sit so that I was facing the window. I watched as the sky darkened over the water (I was on the east coast so I didn't get to see the sun set into the water like I do here). After dinner we walked back to our hotel by way of the beach. We took off our shoes and walked through the soft sand and chatted about life.
But it wasn't a date. Or was it?
My boyfriends have always been guys I hang out with and eventually discover that we hang out together more than with other people. There is relatively very little difference in our pre-dating and dating activities. As far as E is concerned, our post-dating activities remain the same still.
So, how do we know when we are dating someone? And how do we move on from a relationship when it looks exactly the same whether we are “dating” or not?
Is it intention? Is it physical interest and activity? Is it whether or not there is a kiss at the end?
What about those “dates” that do not end with kisses? Or those “hanging out” times that get frisky and playful and sexually charged? What about those random days when you just want to kiss whatever cute guy comes along? What does that become?
I’ve had very few what I would call “dates” in my life, almost all with guys I had just met who did the official “can I take you out to dinner” thing. Only once was it a dress-up-and-get-picked-up-at-my-home affair. None included flowers.
My most romantic date ever was not even really a date. It was me visiting a friend who was working at a hotel out of state. He was lonely and I wanted to get out of town and play at the beach. So I went to visit. We had dinner at a lovely restaurant on the beach. The restaurant was on the fancier side, the kind with linen napkins and several forks beside the plates and a dress code required. No shorts and tank tops here. We sat at a table next to a large window that looked out onto the ocean and he let me sit so that I was facing the window. I watched as the sky darkened over the water (I was on the east coast so I didn't get to see the sun set into the water like I do here). After dinner we walked back to our hotel by way of the beach. We took off our shoes and walked through the soft sand and chatted about life.
But it wasn't a date. Or was it?
My boyfriends have always been guys I hang out with and eventually discover that we hang out together more than with other people. There is relatively very little difference in our pre-dating and dating activities. As far as E is concerned, our post-dating activities remain the same still.
So, how do we know when we are dating someone? And how do we move on from a relationship when it looks exactly the same whether we are “dating” or not?