Oct 19, 2007 23:53
It's been over two months since I've put anything on here. And over three since I've made it worth my while. I don't know if I should go back and recount the happenings of the last few months or just start with right now, as if what has been in my head lately is of little consequence to the next stage of my life.
Suffice to say: I'm not dead. And I am no longer in danger of harming myself.
I guess as far as "catch up" is concerned that's the main thing. There are other variables that figure into the last half of that happy statement, things like the acquisition of a new roommate to help with the financial burden I always feel under, and that second "break-up" with Mr. E, the one I instigated when I told him that "friends" did not work for me and since both of us couldn't get what we want, then the next best compromise was for neither of us to have it. Not that he's out of my life completely. I still stumble across him at church every week, but my moments are much shorter and less all-consuming. The roommate brought with her a mini pooch and he finds great pleasure in entertaining her by chasing my cat around the house whenever Roomie walks into the room. Despite that, I'm growing somewhat fond of the little creature and I think my Princess Kitty is putting up with him fairly well. And Pooch seems to have accepted that I belong in the house too and, while I might not be HIS person, I'm a tolerable substitute until she gets back home.
All in all, everything in my life seems to be similar to my living situation: messy, a tiny bit crowded, very disorganized, but comfortable enough and learning to co-exist.
I guess I can't really ask for more. I'm happy, healthy, surrounded by friends and animals that I love, working at a job I enjoy, and doing my part to make a difference in someone else's world.
Maybe that's the key: enjoying where we are at the moment, no matter how far from our idea of "ideal", accepting that perfection is beyond our reach and making do with what we have. Maybe "happiness" is just a code we use for a mixture of contentment, pleasurable moments, acceptance, realism, and just a splash of hopeful planning for tomorrow.
Maybe, for once in my life, I have finally accomplished a New Year's resolution and I have figured out that "less than perfect" does not equal "failure". And maybe that was the switch I needed to understand how people live life one day at a time.