Deserving of Honor
I'm sad today.
Feeling a little down, somewhat blue, slightly sensitive.... Call it what you'd like, the feeling is still the same.
At least it's not the bottom-of-the-lowest-pit-of-hell depression I've been fighting the last few months. It's the same loneliness, the same sense of injustice because of what I don't have, the same feeling that I'm missing something very special. The only thing different is that I don't blame or berate myself. (I credit that part to the meds and the progress I've made in counseling)
It is what it is, and for the time being, I can't change it.
As a single, childless woman of almost 30, there are some days that a girl just doesn't look forward to. The most obvious, of course, is the wretched day of Valentine's Day: a day to celebrate the loved and remind those who aren't loved how much they aren't. Only slightly less depressing would be Mother's Day: the day to honor those who deserve honor (mothers), celebrate those entering the honorable role (mothers-to-be), and sympathise for those desperately trying and waiting for the chance to be honored (married, but childless women). But nothing is ever thought of for the mothers who are not yet close; those still waiting for the time, the place, the person, or the chance....
We get nothing. Again.
Why do we only celebrate and honor those who have already celebrated? I mean, why is it not enough that married people get to have a wedding and then a yearly day to celebrate that special day? Why do the singles still have to put up with a country-wide in-your-face reminder that they are not as lucky every February 14th as if they are less important as humans? And why is it not enough to have baby showers and celebrations, not to mention the yearly celebrations of what you have brought into the world? Why do the childless still have to sit at the dinner table watching the exchanging of honor between the mothers and mothers-to-be every May AND the fathers and fathers-to-be every June as if they are invisible?
***NOTE: I am NOT saying that I am in any way unhappy to honor my mother for bringing me into this world or my sister-in-law for bringing a new life in soon. I am well aware that this day is not about ME, but about them, and I have done very well to make sure that I played it that way. I think I did very good pretending not to notice that mom got a card from her kids, that Little Sis got a "mom-to-be" card from mom, and I got...well, the bill for brunch. I also tried my best to pretend I was okay with helping mom plan the wedding reception for my brother and Little Sis, and feigned interest and excitement when WonderDon proudly showed me their gift for the newly weds, while all I got was a ruined camera two weeks after I bought it and the unfortunate knowledge that I really can't afford to replace it. So, please, forgive me for taking a few moments to indulge in my self-centered and irrational sense of injustice. It will pass shortly.***
I think it's time to find a way to celebrate singles. We need to start honoring those who are strong enough to start over when their worlds have fallen completely apart. And those brave enough to go and figure out who they really are first. And those lucky enough to not marry the wrong guy, especially when they don't realize until later that he wasn't Mr. Right. And those who are smart enough to realize they don't know what they want and so they wait rather than succumb to what someone else says a proper, happy, successful life looks like. Those of us who don't have someone special who loves us, someone delicate who depends on us, or anyone who remembers to let us know that we deserve to be loved and recognized too...
When do we get our day?
Feeling a little down, somewhat blue, slightly sensitive.... Call it what you'd like, the feeling is still the same.
At least it's not the bottom-of-the-lowest-pit-of-hell depression I've been fighting the last few months. It's the same loneliness, the same sense of injustice because of what I don't have, the same feeling that I'm missing something very special. The only thing different is that I don't blame or berate myself. (I credit that part to the meds and the progress I've made in counseling)
It is what it is, and for the time being, I can't change it.
As a single, childless woman of almost 30, there are some days that a girl just doesn't look forward to. The most obvious, of course, is the wretched day of Valentine's Day: a day to celebrate the loved and remind those who aren't loved how much they aren't. Only slightly less depressing would be Mother's Day: the day to honor those who deserve honor (mothers), celebrate those entering the honorable role (mothers-to-be), and sympathise for those desperately trying and waiting for the chance to be honored (married, but childless women). But nothing is ever thought of for the mothers who are not yet close; those still waiting for the time, the place, the person, or the chance....
We get nothing. Again.
Why do we only celebrate and honor those who have already celebrated? I mean, why is it not enough that married people get to have a wedding and then a yearly day to celebrate that special day? Why do the singles still have to put up with a country-wide in-your-face reminder that they are not as lucky every February 14th as if they are less important as humans? And why is it not enough to have baby showers and celebrations, not to mention the yearly celebrations of what you have brought into the world? Why do the childless still have to sit at the dinner table watching the exchanging of honor between the mothers and mothers-to-be every May AND the fathers and fathers-to-be every June as if they are invisible?
***NOTE: I am NOT saying that I am in any way unhappy to honor my mother for bringing me into this world or my sister-in-law for bringing a new life in soon. I am well aware that this day is not about ME, but about them, and I have done very well to make sure that I played it that way. I think I did very good pretending not to notice that mom got a card from her kids, that Little Sis got a "mom-to-be" card from mom, and I got...well, the bill for brunch. I also tried my best to pretend I was okay with helping mom plan the wedding reception for my brother and Little Sis, and feigned interest and excitement when WonderDon proudly showed me their gift for the newly weds, while all I got was a ruined camera two weeks after I bought it and the unfortunate knowledge that I really can't afford to replace it. So, please, forgive me for taking a few moments to indulge in my self-centered and irrational sense of injustice. It will pass shortly.***
I think it's time to find a way to celebrate singles. We need to start honoring those who are strong enough to start over when their worlds have fallen completely apart. And those brave enough to go and figure out who they really are first. And those lucky enough to not marry the wrong guy, especially when they don't realize until later that he wasn't Mr. Right. And those who are smart enough to realize they don't know what they want and so they wait rather than succumb to what someone else says a proper, happy, successful life looks like. Those of us who don't have someone special who loves us, someone delicate who depends on us, or anyone who remembers to let us know that we deserve to be loved and recognized too...
When do we get our day?