As the Smoke Starts to Clear....
I'm feeling good today. I feel like things are finally starting to settle down. Stuff is still broken and messy and confusing, but I no longer feel like dropping my umbrella and running. And that alone is a huge improvement.
I find myself in the company of friends and family a lot more these days instead of dwelling in my solitude. There have been dinners, movies, ice skating, aimless wanderings, shared TV shows, and lots of conversations. I've even gone out on a second date. My calendar is filling up again, in a non-stressful, non-overwhelming, non-constricting way.
I have life.
I'm volunteering to work in the nursery at my church once a month. I'm going to get to play with the little babies for an hour and a half and give back to my church. And yesterday I got a phone call from the school I used to volunteer at and they are finally ready to implement the next part of the HOSTS program. Starting in February 1 will be able to work with the kids again.
I have purpose.
I'm back in classes again this quarter and I'm doing well. And I'm enjoying the new stuff I'm learning. Especially the stuff I'm learning that will help me with my job. For the first time, I feel capable of being the person that others know I can be. I get things completed, organized, sorted out, and otherwise finished. And I am figuring out stuff that I don't know how to do. On my own.
I have accomplishment.
And most importantly, I've noticed that as the dust settles around me and the air starts to clear, I'm able to once again see things that I never should have lost sight of to begin with. My world may be filled with question marks right now, but in the core of my being, I'm calm. Because I already know that everything is going to be just fine. I just forgot that I already knew that.
I have hope.
I find myself in the company of friends and family a lot more these days instead of dwelling in my solitude. There have been dinners, movies, ice skating, aimless wanderings, shared TV shows, and lots of conversations. I've even gone out on a second date. My calendar is filling up again, in a non-stressful, non-overwhelming, non-constricting way.
I have life.
I'm volunteering to work in the nursery at my church once a month. I'm going to get to play with the little babies for an hour and a half and give back to my church. And yesterday I got a phone call from the school I used to volunteer at and they are finally ready to implement the next part of the HOSTS program. Starting in February 1 will be able to work with the kids again.
I have purpose.
I'm back in classes again this quarter and I'm doing well. And I'm enjoying the new stuff I'm learning. Especially the stuff I'm learning that will help me with my job. For the first time, I feel capable of being the person that others know I can be. I get things completed, organized, sorted out, and otherwise finished. And I am figuring out stuff that I don't know how to do. On my own.
I have accomplishment.
And most importantly, I've noticed that as the dust settles around me and the air starts to clear, I'm able to once again see things that I never should have lost sight of to begin with. My world may be filled with question marks right now, but in the core of my being, I'm calm. Because I already know that everything is going to be just fine. I just forgot that I already knew that.
I have hope.