What is Love? (Not Hadaway)
I think at one point I knew... is it possible to know something this intrinsic and lose it?
I think at one point I knew how to love... how to fall in love, how to be in love, how to make love... but have I forgotten? Can you forget? Can you know?
Someone taught me how to love. She also taught me how to fuck things up... well, she didn't teach me--I taught myself and she was the guniea pig. Sucks, how that works out.
So, what now? Looking for love... that certainly doesnt work. But when I stop looking for love, my heart just goes back to the last source I knew. Is that how everyone is, or did I really let go of something I should have held on to?
I know I'm a good guy, but somehow I seem to manage to fuck everything up... why did I let one relationship convince me that I was somehow able to make things work with another person?
8 fucking months. Its been 8 god damn months since we broke up and every now and then my mind still comes back to her... is it just because I havent found anything else? Is it because she was/is what I wanted? I'm inclined to say no to the latter and yes to the former.
But thats just what everyone else says.
So... what now? What do I do.. where do I look? How do I not look? I've met a few girls... a few that might even be promising... but they were either taken or I scared them off, summarily... as I am wont to do.
How do I learn to not suck? How do I learn to just breathe and not get too excited? How do I learn to start again? I've never done this before... I met her in high school, and now I am 20 years old, graduating college in just over a year... in one year I wont be in college anymore... isnt that when you're supposed to meet girls? Where do I meet them after?
How do I stop comparing them all to her? How do I stop getting so excited over the many that are better that I just fuck things up? How do I convince myself that just being me is enough? I thought it was.... but it doesnt seem to be working.
Dreamgirl--where the fuck are you? Who are you wasting your time on right now... how will I know you when I meet you? How will I not mess it up when I meet you?
I've met one. One girl that I genuinely thought was going to be amazing... and I'm not sure, but I think I messed that one up. I had one night of time with her and it was still one of the most amazing nights of my life... but she didn't feel the same way. Story of my fucking life.
When do I meet another one that makes me feel like that? When do I meet a girl that I make her feel... amazing? When do I meet a girl where I'm everything she wants?
Girls: sometimes being myself means being excited about you way before I should--when did that become against the law? I'm not desperate, I just know what I want as soon as I see it.
I am a good guy, god damnit. I sure know how to be a bad guy... and I'm doing everything I can not to be that guy again. Someone refer me to this post the next time I fall in Love, make sure I abide by the following:
1. Never, ever, make her feel anything less than the most loved girl on Earth.
2. Dont be so sweet at the beginning that you have nothing to build to--otherwise you just start doing the same thing over and over and they think you arent sincere.
3. Dont even look over the god damn fence, because the grass isn't greener, it is brown, but you wont see that from where you're standing.
4. Dont complain if she wants to spend a lot of time with you--would you really rather go out with the guys than hold her in your arms? No... really, think about that, and you'll know the right answer.
5. Realize how much you love her faults... and realize how hard it is to look for someone with the same faults that you love. Maybe they arent faults at all?
6. Its not wrong to change yourself for her... just a little bit though. She'll love you more if you hold your ground and she loves who you are, not who you thought she wanted you to be.
7. Write her love letters, even after a year and a half.
8. Realize what an amazing thing you have.
9. Dont let go so easily... dont let go at all.
10. Never again let yourself cry over someone like you have... if you end it, be sure that you've never been more confident of any descision in your life--because someone else out there won't be as dumb as you, and they will appreciate her.
11. Make sure shes the right one from the start, dont waste your time hoping she'll turn into the girl you want.
12. Realize that she might already be the girl you want, despite what you think.
13. Dont ever forget your first relationship. For most people, its good practice... the jury is still out on whether yours was practice, or a blown chance at the real thing.
14. Let it go and be happy when you do meet her. When you love this time, it will be forever. Promise yourself that.
I'm not letting go of my heart again until I know I want it to belong to her forever. Of course... I knew once before... I'm sure I'll know again.
Uplifting or depressing? Choose your own adventure.
PS: Start playing guitar again. Dont let her keep that one from you.
I think at one point I knew how to love... how to fall in love, how to be in love, how to make love... but have I forgotten? Can you forget? Can you know?
Someone taught me how to love. She also taught me how to fuck things up... well, she didn't teach me--I taught myself and she was the guniea pig. Sucks, how that works out.
So, what now? Looking for love... that certainly doesnt work. But when I stop looking for love, my heart just goes back to the last source I knew. Is that how everyone is, or did I really let go of something I should have held on to?
I know I'm a good guy, but somehow I seem to manage to fuck everything up... why did I let one relationship convince me that I was somehow able to make things work with another person?
8 fucking months. Its been 8 god damn months since we broke up and every now and then my mind still comes back to her... is it just because I havent found anything else? Is it because she was/is what I wanted? I'm inclined to say no to the latter and yes to the former.
But thats just what everyone else says.
So... what now? What do I do.. where do I look? How do I not look? I've met a few girls... a few that might even be promising... but they were either taken or I scared them off, summarily... as I am wont to do.
How do I learn to not suck? How do I learn to just breathe and not get too excited? How do I learn to start again? I've never done this before... I met her in high school, and now I am 20 years old, graduating college in just over a year... in one year I wont be in college anymore... isnt that when you're supposed to meet girls? Where do I meet them after?
How do I stop comparing them all to her? How do I stop getting so excited over the many that are better that I just fuck things up? How do I convince myself that just being me is enough? I thought it was.... but it doesnt seem to be working.
Dreamgirl--where the fuck are you? Who are you wasting your time on right now... how will I know you when I meet you? How will I not mess it up when I meet you?
I've met one. One girl that I genuinely thought was going to be amazing... and I'm not sure, but I think I messed that one up. I had one night of time with her and it was still one of the most amazing nights of my life... but she didn't feel the same way. Story of my fucking life.
When do I meet another one that makes me feel like that? When do I meet a girl that I make her feel... amazing? When do I meet a girl where I'm everything she wants?
Girls: sometimes being myself means being excited about you way before I should--when did that become against the law? I'm not desperate, I just know what I want as soon as I see it.
I am a good guy, god damnit. I sure know how to be a bad guy... and I'm doing everything I can not to be that guy again. Someone refer me to this post the next time I fall in Love, make sure I abide by the following:
1. Never, ever, make her feel anything less than the most loved girl on Earth.
2. Dont be so sweet at the beginning that you have nothing to build to--otherwise you just start doing the same thing over and over and they think you arent sincere.
3. Dont even look over the god damn fence, because the grass isn't greener, it is brown, but you wont see that from where you're standing.
4. Dont complain if she wants to spend a lot of time with you--would you really rather go out with the guys than hold her in your arms? No... really, think about that, and you'll know the right answer.
5. Realize how much you love her faults... and realize how hard it is to look for someone with the same faults that you love. Maybe they arent faults at all?
6. Its not wrong to change yourself for her... just a little bit though. She'll love you more if you hold your ground and she loves who you are, not who you thought she wanted you to be.
7. Write her love letters, even after a year and a half.
8. Realize what an amazing thing you have.
9. Dont let go so easily... dont let go at all.
10. Never again let yourself cry over someone like you have... if you end it, be sure that you've never been more confident of any descision in your life--because someone else out there won't be as dumb as you, and they will appreciate her.
11. Make sure shes the right one from the start, dont waste your time hoping she'll turn into the girl you want.
12. Realize that she might already be the girl you want, despite what you think.
13. Dont ever forget your first relationship. For most people, its good practice... the jury is still out on whether yours was practice, or a blown chance at the real thing.
14. Let it go and be happy when you do meet her. When you love this time, it will be forever. Promise yourself that.
I'm not letting go of my heart again until I know I want it to belong to her forever. Of course... I knew once before... I'm sure I'll know again.
Uplifting or depressing? Choose your own adventure.
PS: Start playing guitar again. Dont let her keep that one from you.