Changes
I've made a lot of changes over the past year. Priorities have switched, neural pathways reset, and negativity expunged from my common thoughts. These days I spend time with those who challenge me to reach for my wildest dreams and make them a reality. They make me want to be a better person. Friends who respect me and follow through on our plans.
Thank you to my friends who do this for me. You are my light. You know who you are. I don't know what I would do without you.
I love myself, and I don't need someone else to be happy. That's a big one. This is one of the few times in my life that I can say that, and more genuinely now than ever before. I don't feel like I have to settle or that I'm giving away too much of myself.
Massage therapy has made my life awesome. Truly finding yourself and what you are supposed to do is a blessing in itself. I had thought that it was the EMT/Paramedic/Firefighter path. A small voice led me to the healing arts, though, and it feels more right than anything has before. I have already had to make sacrifices to my calling, but this has only reaffirmed my conviction.
A recent addition to my life, Yoga, has me feeling even more centered and at peace for the first time in years, if not... ever. As a former gym rat, I was the guy at the free weights several times a week. It was a great way to get out my aggression that otherwise had no healthy outlet. But Yoga lets me find a balance in my life. It is a sanctuary where I can spend time on my inner self as well as my body.
One of my fears was that I would lose too much of myself from this process. It has truly been a crucible of fire for the past year, and I was worried that I would burn away everything that I was to make way for the new man that I have become. As I meditated upon this further, I realize that I really don't know who I was other than the boy who had an abusive asshole for a father who joined the Army Infantry when he was only 17. Who was trained to kill and went to war before he had even had a sip of alcohol. Who saw the worst that humanity had to offer in battered and torn countries across the world. Who returned to an ungrateful populace that think that the internet gives them any comprehension of what they speak of at their parties. Who received an Honorable Discharge, and had no idea what a trained pitbull was supposed to do now.
Sometimes, I wished that I was back "over there" so that I could remember exactly what it was that I missed back here.
Sometimes, I still feel the rifle in my hand.
I think back on that and I realize...
I'm ok with the new me.
"My nature just changes." -Jimi Hendrix
Thank you to my friends who do this for me. You are my light. You know who you are. I don't know what I would do without you.
I love myself, and I don't need someone else to be happy. That's a big one. This is one of the few times in my life that I can say that, and more genuinely now than ever before. I don't feel like I have to settle or that I'm giving away too much of myself.
Massage therapy has made my life awesome. Truly finding yourself and what you are supposed to do is a blessing in itself. I had thought that it was the EMT/Paramedic/Firefighter path. A small voice led me to the healing arts, though, and it feels more right than anything has before. I have already had to make sacrifices to my calling, but this has only reaffirmed my conviction.
A recent addition to my life, Yoga, has me feeling even more centered and at peace for the first time in years, if not... ever. As a former gym rat, I was the guy at the free weights several times a week. It was a great way to get out my aggression that otherwise had no healthy outlet. But Yoga lets me find a balance in my life. It is a sanctuary where I can spend time on my inner self as well as my body.
One of my fears was that I would lose too much of myself from this process. It has truly been a crucible of fire for the past year, and I was worried that I would burn away everything that I was to make way for the new man that I have become. As I meditated upon this further, I realize that I really don't know who I was other than the boy who had an abusive asshole for a father who joined the Army Infantry when he was only 17. Who was trained to kill and went to war before he had even had a sip of alcohol. Who saw the worst that humanity had to offer in battered and torn countries across the world. Who returned to an ungrateful populace that think that the internet gives them any comprehension of what they speak of at their parties. Who received an Honorable Discharge, and had no idea what a trained pitbull was supposed to do now.
Sometimes, I wished that I was back "over there" so that I could remember exactly what it was that I missed back here.
Sometimes, I still feel the rifle in my hand.
I think back on that and I realize...
I'm ok with the new me.
"My nature just changes." -Jimi Hendrix