(no subject)
It's been hard for me to put into words what I've been feeling lately, but after talking to Halie yesterday, I finally feel like I can do it. Basically it boils down to the fact that I care too much about what other people think of me, and about the decisions I make in my life.
Can we all say "duh" together now?
It's weird because I feel so awkward when most people come to visit me (not you, Halie and Bethany:)) because I am SO paranoid that people think I'm making a mistake moving in with Ben, marrying Ben, having two pitbull doggies, etc. That makes things not as much fun for myself, and the people that come to visit me. Granted, I have a right to feel that way when SOME people come over. I hate that feeling of being judged, but I guess that's just the product of moving quickly, and making controversial decisions. However, I should be appreciative of people making the effort to come out, actually SEE what I'm doing/experiencing in the life I've chosen, and keeping an open mind.
Also, I would be kidding myself if I said that people weren't talking about me behind my back about this and other things. I know they are...I'm SURE of it. However, I suppose that if they don't bring it up to me, then are they real friends? Real friends would make the effort to pick up the phone/IM me/visit me, and TALK to my FACE about it. But then, I suppose there's also the philosophy to put aside your thoughts and just be supportive. One of those two would be great.
The important thing is that I am happy, and that I know I'm making the right decisions for myself. I just have to do a better job of remembering that.
Can we all say "duh" together now?
It's weird because I feel so awkward when most people come to visit me (not you, Halie and Bethany:)) because I am SO paranoid that people think I'm making a mistake moving in with Ben, marrying Ben, having two pitbull doggies, etc. That makes things not as much fun for myself, and the people that come to visit me. Granted, I have a right to feel that way when SOME people come over. I hate that feeling of being judged, but I guess that's just the product of moving quickly, and making controversial decisions. However, I should be appreciative of people making the effort to come out, actually SEE what I'm doing/experiencing in the life I've chosen, and keeping an open mind.
Also, I would be kidding myself if I said that people weren't talking about me behind my back about this and other things. I know they are...I'm SURE of it. However, I suppose that if they don't bring it up to me, then are they real friends? Real friends would make the effort to pick up the phone/IM me/visit me, and TALK to my FACE about it. But then, I suppose there's also the philosophy to put aside your thoughts and just be supportive. One of those two would be great.
The important thing is that I am happy, and that I know I'm making the right decisions for myself. I just have to do a better job of remembering that.