Can't Sleep
So sometimes I have trouble sleeping. Sometimes it is because I am stressed, but even when I get like 5 hours sleep a night I still cannot fall asleep until like 3am. Ahhhhh I hate it. I feel like an insomniac and I'm not sure how I can deal with it. I keep thinking more and more about graduating, maybe going to grad school now and what I am going to do after graduation. It is such a scary, but exciting thing to think about. I want to begin my life and start my career somewhere, but at the same time I don't feel like I am ready to leave school yet or that I don't want to. Don't get me wrong I won't miss Kalamazoo much, but just knowing that if I don't go to grad school then I will be done with school for the rest of my life!!!! It is a scary thought.
The older I get the more I realize guys seem to become more immature. They like to place blame on you for things they do and create "high school" drama that they say you do. If people know me they know the only drama in my life right now is the kind with the guy I am talking about in here. It just hurts when people put things in your head that are not true, trying to make it that you are jealous when you weren't. It just sucks when your head keeps telling me one thing and my hurt is telling me another. That is why I am still in this situation or at least trying to get out of it. I have basically become the booty call girl in a way which is horrible. It is not a good feeling. But at the same time when there has not been anyone else in my life having someone there when I am lonely is nice. I know I should not depend on that and that I will "find someone" but there are those nights when you just let all of your will power go and give in. The worse part is b/c I have given in my heart is in it. I have never felt this way about anybody and that is what makes it so much harder to stop even though I know I need to. So I am going to try and go on with my life and not let him run it anymore. I hope it will work. Sigh.
The older I get the more I realize guys seem to become more immature. They like to place blame on you for things they do and create "high school" drama that they say you do. If people know me they know the only drama in my life right now is the kind with the guy I am talking about in here. It just hurts when people put things in your head that are not true, trying to make it that you are jealous when you weren't. It just sucks when your head keeps telling me one thing and my hurt is telling me another. That is why I am still in this situation or at least trying to get out of it. I have basically become the booty call girl in a way which is horrible. It is not a good feeling. But at the same time when there has not been anyone else in my life having someone there when I am lonely is nice. I know I should not depend on that and that I will "find someone" but there are those nights when you just let all of your will power go and give in. The worse part is b/c I have given in my heart is in it. I have never felt this way about anybody and that is what makes it so much harder to stop even though I know I need to. So I am going to try and go on with my life and not let him run it anymore. I hope it will work. Sigh.