emo my-life-is-horrible-life-sucks has nothing on me tonite
I can't get to sleep tonite because I can't stop thinking.... about what you may ask? Do you really want me to get into it? Well for starters, I got a message today from this guy I liked last year and well it ended bad the week before school was over... long story... but I get a message from him tonite saying that he doesn't want to have lunch with me this week because he thinks it'll still be ackward. Which I mean I think it'll be ackward too but the whole point in trying to be friends again is getting past all the ackwardness and immature drama in order to start over. So, I took that to mean that he wants nothing to do with me anymore and I decided I'll just leave him alone. But I'll say this for future reference, so take notes, if you don't want to have anything to do with someone anymore, TELL THEM THAT instead of not necessarily getting their hopes up, but making them think that you are willing to be friends again.
Second, I got some news on Sunday night about another a certain person and something that happened unexpectedly. VERY unexpectedly. It's actually really upsetting to me.I was in complete and utter shock when I found out and got really sad, instead of happy. It's not my place to say what happened but for those of you who do know, I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I'm not sure what might become of it. Maybe one of you can inform me if I shouldn't be getting my hopes up because he still hates me or just plain doesn't want to have anything to do with me again. Or maybe one of you can give me a thumbs up and let me know things might work out like they already are for a couple of you. I just want things to be normal between he and I again.
Third, (why do these all have to do with guys?! creeepy!) last night I talked to that one boy I dated a long time ago and it made me realize how much I miss him even more. He can always make me smile. He doens't even have to be saying anything. We both decided we need to hang out some time since it's been a while. So that makes me happy. =)
Fourth, MEagan and I have been talking a lot and it's really been making me think about where I want my life to be going and how I've screwed myself up so bad over the last 3 years. Don't dwell on the past but learn from your mistakes... easy enough, right? Ha, I wish! I've seriously considered transfering schools, particularly to Wheeling Jesuit in WV with Anna, Lyssa, SArah, Court, and Gassar. Those girls make me so happy and it's always so much fun to be around them. I've also considered not managing the basketball team anymore. I LOOOOOOOVE the staff and my job with all my heart. It's a great experience, especially since I want to pursue a career in sports. But I'm so financially unstable right now that I can't afford to continue working there. I need a steady well-paying job so I can take care of my cell bill, start paying for groceries, pay for my lunches at KU, buy my books, and afford presents and cards for people I care about. I can't even do that right now. I talked to my mom last week and told her about my money situation (minus the cell bill... are you crazy?!?) and she said in this really disappointed tone, "Oh, so I guess that means we have to support you this year?" So that really broke my heart because I know how much my parents work and how they always end up spending all their money on us kids instead of themselves and it really blows. So maybe if this means I have to have no life in order to save money then that's what I'll have to do.....
**knowing nothing is better than knowing at all..... -The Used**