It has been far too long...
Wow,
I don't even know where to begin. I last updated this thing about a year ago...so much has happened since then...where to begin?
First, my life since then: a brief synopsis
-Spent summer after senior year learning arabic at the University of Chicago -- a memorable experience. I wish I had learned more and applied myself more rigorously, but alas I was very fried after busting my ass for four years at Hamilton. I found that I loved the education but hated the administration...indeed, the U of Chicago truly is the place where fun comes to die. My fondest memories will be of Victor and the U of Chicago Pub. I even became a proud member of the 51 Club (i.e. I drank over 51 beers in one semester...and I have the t-shirt to prove it).
-Other memories of summer include my memorable trip to visit Patrick and Heather in San Fran. Spent most of the time being lazy, drinking, and of course wine touring in Napa and Sonoma. This trip was the first time I felt the urge to move to the west coast.
-After the summer I drove (with my amazing dad) back to NY and moved to Syracuse to start my graduate student career. Made a ton of life-long friends that first semester, including Carolyn, Rifka, Sam, Dan, Mukeesh, Ali, Paula, Joshu, Trish, Scott, Billy, Benita, Aditya, Morgan, Jaisha, Mariam, and a whole host of others. I loved my apartment and most of my roommates (esp. Joshu, very-Patrickesque, accept more rational).
-And then there is Katherine. The third love of my life. Freshman at Syracuse, temptress, caring, kind, betrayal, hurt, lust, desire, love, blind to herself, true to no-one, alone, afraid, determined...I could go on and on...she's done a lot of harm to me. The first week we dated she cheated on me and then begged me to give her a second chance...I did...only to see her "take a break" 2 weeks later followed by a weekend of pining for her back and winning...for about a month. Then right before Thanksgiving break she went on a ski trip and began an infatuation with a senior (coinsidentally also named Matt). She dumped me the moment she got back to Syracuse (right before break). We didn't speak for a week. The day she returned we made love for at least 3 hours. We spend the next 4 days enthralled in each others arms. By the end of that week, however, she had hooked up with Matt and was lost to me till my 23rd birthday. She fucked him about a week after that first betrayal...only to sleep with me the night before she left for x-mass break. The thing that hurt the most was that she spent the night with him, at his place, and remained sleeping in his arms until well past noon...whenever she would sleep over with me, she'd wake me up at the crack of dawn to take her back to her dorm...I doubt I ever really could forgive her for this.
Anyways, we talked briefly over break, and soon found our love rekindled...and yet, when she returned a week early (for ski camp) she fucked him in a laundry room the very night she got back...a laundry room was one of the first places we made love...as if she was trying to betray all that we held as our own. Fate, claiming its own sense of cruel irony, delt her a nasty blow. Matt was only using her for sex, nothing more, and after this final encounter dropped her like the bad habit she became to me. She opended up to me in her time of emotional dispair, having truly been played for the first time in her life, and I had nothing but anger in my heart...and overwhelming desire to simultaneously hug her, hold her, and let her feel loved and yet, to also openly gloat at her ill fortune, to exclaim "HA! serves you right!" We exchanged presents that Friday and she claimed we were through...even being friends. A week and a day later she showed up on my front porch, in the midst of the blizzard of the century (thus far), sick as all can be with the flu, to hand me a hand written letter (rare anyone writes anymore, to me that shows an immense act of sincerity) apologizing for toying with my heart, and in essence, asking me to take her back...We kissed for what felt like a joyous eternity.
I am a slave to her beauty and warm heart (when shared).
The next few weeks were heaven on earth. I had all that I desired, even if it wasn't in name. I should mention that I ended a potential relationship with a very nice girl named Rebecca (probably my soul mate in disguise, save the fact that I felt no passionate spark when we embraced...I hope one day I shall be proven wrong on this initial assessment)...anyways I stopped Rebecca and I (for now perhaps) to be with Katherine again...a mistake? only time will tell...
Yet, by early February Katherine was back to her usual ways of keeping me at bay, putting me at a safe distance where her heart was nearly out of reach and she was safe from falling even more in love (the kind of in love where one is truly vulnerable...something she probably will never allow herself to be). Yet, Valentine's Day, everything changed. We had an amazing day, especially at the SU b-ball game. That was the spark she needed. But for me, things got siverely complicated. Lindsay walked into my life. It was Thursday night of V-day week -- two days before I left for Arizona (ARMY duty) and the night before my beloved Nana's funeral (my nana was my mother's mother, she passed on 13 Feb 2005, I will miss her presence forever, and hold her close always in my heart).
Lindsay is the angel who collects patron's money at the door to Faegan's. Since the moment I first saw her back in September I had an immense crush on her. Unknown to me is that she's held the same crush. That Thursday we finally spoke and when we did it was like meeting Christy all over again, even the feel of our casual embraces...our hands gracing one another in passion and desire...a fate all to certain in our own hearts -- terrifying. I asked her to meet me at Sam's party (partly thrown in my honor) the next night.
Friday night, Katherine and I headed out to The Savoy in Rome for a final dinner together as a "couple." I played piano for her with Rick's permission. We dined, I drove her around Hamilton, in a last attempt to share all that was dear to me with her. We drove back to my house (she had weeks earlier informed me she wouldn't be spending the night and that we would most likely not be making love...but starting from V-Day on she had changed her mind). We got back to my place and I went to Sam's to say goodbye to my friends, Lindsay wasn't there, which sucks because in truth I wanted to see her. I couldn't figure out what to do about Katherine. I knew deep down inside that we'd never last and were not meant to be together (we're too different and she is too self-centered), but I didn't want to hurt her by, well, ditching her for Lindsay that night...so...I went home to Katherine and had arguably the best sex and sleep of my life. We woke up and made love again till around 10. She orgasmed...I being the only person thus far ever to make her orgasm. I drove her back to her dorm, and gave a tearful goodbye. The tears were always real with her. Packed up my room, and then spent the afternoon with Katherine, eating out, running erands, and not leaving Syracuse till 3pm ish (way past my planned departure of 11am). I drove home to Rochester, said goodbye to mom and my soon-to-be step-father, Lee, and went off to Arizona. Along the 4 day drive I stayed with my beloved step-sister Emily, my cousin Jessica, and then made it to Arizona -- where I now sit, drinking my mint julep.
What has happened since I arrived on 24 Feb? I've grown a lot. I've learned to tolerate all sorts of bullshit. We have the TAC officer from hell, and hopefully her current parole will last till long after I've graduated and left on 8 Jul (God willing). Katherine dumped me a week after arriving here...true to her spirit. Lindsay -- I think scared off by God only knows what -- stopped talking to me all together, rather abruptly around mid-march...I doubt I'll ever know what truly happened to her feelings for me. Katherine and I talked a few times like we did of old...it was beautiful, and I bought into the hope that one day we'd be reunited, even married...then she met Dave (an investment banker from NYC...how am I supposed to compete with that while being stuck on Active duty all the way out here?) Answer: I don't...and I'm better off for it. I had two choices: stop sacrificing my morals, and continue to look for a person who is faithful and loyal and lives up to my values...or continue to sacrifice my moral code in the name of my love for Katherine...or more accurately, my love with being in love. I choose the prior...goodbye Katherine.
Since I've arrived I've found two others. Tammy, whose brief entry and exit into my life made me feel alive again...and Emma, who terrifies me with our similarities. My God, how I want her and I to work out...though how can it? I'm leaving in JUL...but then again, why can't it?
As for my fam...my brother is doing well, I pray he never knows what it feels like to have his heart broken. My mother is happier than ever, Lee treats her well, though I'll always wish she never betrayed my father the way she did. Dad, dad is doing as best as can be expected. I just wish he'd move on and stop loving my mother -- he never will. I see so much of myself in him -- his ability to love absolutely, even after the worst of betrayal...I've never been prouder or admired another more in my entire life. At Nana's funeral he embraced Lee and asked him, no, told him, to take care of my mother...life has never seen a more perfect gentleman. And yet my fear is that I end up betrayed and alone like him...so undeserving of the hand life delt him...
Anyways I get out of Arizona and back to my grad-school life on 8 July (starting grad school again on 11 July). I'm living with Joshu and Jason (Curtis' roommate of NYLC fame) which will be most money. I've decided to keep this little thing regularly updated, as I like having a detalied account of my life.
Memorable books I've read since the last update:
The Da Vinci Code
Angels and Deamons
Little America
Favorite Albums since the last update:
Ben Folds - "Songs For Silverman"
Keane - "Hopes and Fears"
Bruce Springsteen - "Devils and Dust"
DMB - "Stand Up"
Alright, gotta get a few things done and then its time for bed. Lata kids.
-Cheers,
Matt
I don't even know where to begin. I last updated this thing about a year ago...so much has happened since then...where to begin?
First, my life since then: a brief synopsis
-Spent summer after senior year learning arabic at the University of Chicago -- a memorable experience. I wish I had learned more and applied myself more rigorously, but alas I was very fried after busting my ass for four years at Hamilton. I found that I loved the education but hated the administration...indeed, the U of Chicago truly is the place where fun comes to die. My fondest memories will be of Victor and the U of Chicago Pub. I even became a proud member of the 51 Club (i.e. I drank over 51 beers in one semester...and I have the t-shirt to prove it).
-Other memories of summer include my memorable trip to visit Patrick and Heather in San Fran. Spent most of the time being lazy, drinking, and of course wine touring in Napa and Sonoma. This trip was the first time I felt the urge to move to the west coast.
-After the summer I drove (with my amazing dad) back to NY and moved to Syracuse to start my graduate student career. Made a ton of life-long friends that first semester, including Carolyn, Rifka, Sam, Dan, Mukeesh, Ali, Paula, Joshu, Trish, Scott, Billy, Benita, Aditya, Morgan, Jaisha, Mariam, and a whole host of others. I loved my apartment and most of my roommates (esp. Joshu, very-Patrickesque, accept more rational).
-And then there is Katherine. The third love of my life. Freshman at Syracuse, temptress, caring, kind, betrayal, hurt, lust, desire, love, blind to herself, true to no-one, alone, afraid, determined...I could go on and on...she's done a lot of harm to me. The first week we dated she cheated on me and then begged me to give her a second chance...I did...only to see her "take a break" 2 weeks later followed by a weekend of pining for her back and winning...for about a month. Then right before Thanksgiving break she went on a ski trip and began an infatuation with a senior (coinsidentally also named Matt). She dumped me the moment she got back to Syracuse (right before break). We didn't speak for a week. The day she returned we made love for at least 3 hours. We spend the next 4 days enthralled in each others arms. By the end of that week, however, she had hooked up with Matt and was lost to me till my 23rd birthday. She fucked him about a week after that first betrayal...only to sleep with me the night before she left for x-mass break. The thing that hurt the most was that she spent the night with him, at his place, and remained sleeping in his arms until well past noon...whenever she would sleep over with me, she'd wake me up at the crack of dawn to take her back to her dorm...I doubt I ever really could forgive her for this.
Anyways, we talked briefly over break, and soon found our love rekindled...and yet, when she returned a week early (for ski camp) she fucked him in a laundry room the very night she got back...a laundry room was one of the first places we made love...as if she was trying to betray all that we held as our own. Fate, claiming its own sense of cruel irony, delt her a nasty blow. Matt was only using her for sex, nothing more, and after this final encounter dropped her like the bad habit she became to me. She opended up to me in her time of emotional dispair, having truly been played for the first time in her life, and I had nothing but anger in my heart...and overwhelming desire to simultaneously hug her, hold her, and let her feel loved and yet, to also openly gloat at her ill fortune, to exclaim "HA! serves you right!" We exchanged presents that Friday and she claimed we were through...even being friends. A week and a day later she showed up on my front porch, in the midst of the blizzard of the century (thus far), sick as all can be with the flu, to hand me a hand written letter (rare anyone writes anymore, to me that shows an immense act of sincerity) apologizing for toying with my heart, and in essence, asking me to take her back...We kissed for what felt like a joyous eternity.
I am a slave to her beauty and warm heart (when shared).
The next few weeks were heaven on earth. I had all that I desired, even if it wasn't in name. I should mention that I ended a potential relationship with a very nice girl named Rebecca (probably my soul mate in disguise, save the fact that I felt no passionate spark when we embraced...I hope one day I shall be proven wrong on this initial assessment)...anyways I stopped Rebecca and I (for now perhaps) to be with Katherine again...a mistake? only time will tell...
Yet, by early February Katherine was back to her usual ways of keeping me at bay, putting me at a safe distance where her heart was nearly out of reach and she was safe from falling even more in love (the kind of in love where one is truly vulnerable...something she probably will never allow herself to be). Yet, Valentine's Day, everything changed. We had an amazing day, especially at the SU b-ball game. That was the spark she needed. But for me, things got siverely complicated. Lindsay walked into my life. It was Thursday night of V-day week -- two days before I left for Arizona (ARMY duty) and the night before my beloved Nana's funeral (my nana was my mother's mother, she passed on 13 Feb 2005, I will miss her presence forever, and hold her close always in my heart).
Lindsay is the angel who collects patron's money at the door to Faegan's. Since the moment I first saw her back in September I had an immense crush on her. Unknown to me is that she's held the same crush. That Thursday we finally spoke and when we did it was like meeting Christy all over again, even the feel of our casual embraces...our hands gracing one another in passion and desire...a fate all to certain in our own hearts -- terrifying. I asked her to meet me at Sam's party (partly thrown in my honor) the next night.
Friday night, Katherine and I headed out to The Savoy in Rome for a final dinner together as a "couple." I played piano for her with Rick's permission. We dined, I drove her around Hamilton, in a last attempt to share all that was dear to me with her. We drove back to my house (she had weeks earlier informed me she wouldn't be spending the night and that we would most likely not be making love...but starting from V-Day on she had changed her mind). We got back to my place and I went to Sam's to say goodbye to my friends, Lindsay wasn't there, which sucks because in truth I wanted to see her. I couldn't figure out what to do about Katherine. I knew deep down inside that we'd never last and were not meant to be together (we're too different and she is too self-centered), but I didn't want to hurt her by, well, ditching her for Lindsay that night...so...I went home to Katherine and had arguably the best sex and sleep of my life. We woke up and made love again till around 10. She orgasmed...I being the only person thus far ever to make her orgasm. I drove her back to her dorm, and gave a tearful goodbye. The tears were always real with her. Packed up my room, and then spent the afternoon with Katherine, eating out, running erands, and not leaving Syracuse till 3pm ish (way past my planned departure of 11am). I drove home to Rochester, said goodbye to mom and my soon-to-be step-father, Lee, and went off to Arizona. Along the 4 day drive I stayed with my beloved step-sister Emily, my cousin Jessica, and then made it to Arizona -- where I now sit, drinking my mint julep.
What has happened since I arrived on 24 Feb? I've grown a lot. I've learned to tolerate all sorts of bullshit. We have the TAC officer from hell, and hopefully her current parole will last till long after I've graduated and left on 8 Jul (God willing). Katherine dumped me a week after arriving here...true to her spirit. Lindsay -- I think scared off by God only knows what -- stopped talking to me all together, rather abruptly around mid-march...I doubt I'll ever know what truly happened to her feelings for me. Katherine and I talked a few times like we did of old...it was beautiful, and I bought into the hope that one day we'd be reunited, even married...then she met Dave (an investment banker from NYC...how am I supposed to compete with that while being stuck on Active duty all the way out here?) Answer: I don't...and I'm better off for it. I had two choices: stop sacrificing my morals, and continue to look for a person who is faithful and loyal and lives up to my values...or continue to sacrifice my moral code in the name of my love for Katherine...or more accurately, my love with being in love. I choose the prior...goodbye Katherine.
Since I've arrived I've found two others. Tammy, whose brief entry and exit into my life made me feel alive again...and Emma, who terrifies me with our similarities. My God, how I want her and I to work out...though how can it? I'm leaving in JUL...but then again, why can't it?
As for my fam...my brother is doing well, I pray he never knows what it feels like to have his heart broken. My mother is happier than ever, Lee treats her well, though I'll always wish she never betrayed my father the way she did. Dad, dad is doing as best as can be expected. I just wish he'd move on and stop loving my mother -- he never will. I see so much of myself in him -- his ability to love absolutely, even after the worst of betrayal...I've never been prouder or admired another more in my entire life. At Nana's funeral he embraced Lee and asked him, no, told him, to take care of my mother...life has never seen a more perfect gentleman. And yet my fear is that I end up betrayed and alone like him...so undeserving of the hand life delt him...
Anyways I get out of Arizona and back to my grad-school life on 8 July (starting grad school again on 11 July). I'm living with Joshu and Jason (Curtis' roommate of NYLC fame) which will be most money. I've decided to keep this little thing regularly updated, as I like having a detalied account of my life.
Memorable books I've read since the last update:
The Da Vinci Code
Angels and Deamons
Little America
Favorite Albums since the last update:
Ben Folds - "Songs For Silverman"
Keane - "Hopes and Fears"
Bruce Springsteen - "Devils and Dust"
DMB - "Stand Up"
Alright, gotta get a few things done and then its time for bed. Lata kids.
-Cheers,
Matt