Moving statues and the sexy, sexy undead
Plot bunny: Egyptian statue in Manchester Museum rotates by itself. *cue Twilight Zone theme*
Sure, there's a rational explanation. But when I hear stories like this, I think about restless demons, nosy archaeologists and ancient conspiracies... sort of like Elizabeth Peters' Vicky Bliss mysteries. Somebody get on that, stat!
I finally finished reading Dacre Stoker's Dracula: The Undead, but... it is not a good book. It is not even interesting in a bad way except for a few choice bits in the beginning and some WTF bits in the middle. In short: everyone despises/blames Mina Harker for being Dracula's ho, including Countess Elizabeth Bathory who is also jealous because Dracula wants to make Mina his immortal love-bunny instead of her. It involves a battle on the London streets where Mina-- amped up with Dracula's preternaturally powerful blood and armed with a katana-- fights off a lusty vampiress, possibly the same one that bit off Jonathan Harker's manhood. The scene was less exciting than that sounds.
Mina watched her own hand grab Holmwood's broken walking stick and hold it in front of her like a spearman meeting a cavalry charge. The vampire was moving too fast to chekc her momentum: She impaled herself through the heart on the sharp, broken end of the walking stick. Mina's face and hands were splashed with ice-cold blood, sending shivers throughout her body. The Woman in White's victorious roar was transformed into a death wail.
Staring at Mina in profound disbelief, she croaked, "How...?"
"Didn't your mistress warn you? I'm Dracula's adulterous whore!" Mina said.
Ahahahaha... It's understood that in vampire books/movies/TV shows there's going to be a lot of Convenient Stake Material lying around -- even in modern times, when a vampire vs. mortal furniture-destroying throwdown means it's more likely that you'd have to stab a vampire with a plywood and plastic veneer Ikea component. It's also understood that vampires are terrible about not-impaling themselves through the heart.
I think what makes this book so facepalmingly bad is the boring repetition of "I lurve sexy Dracula! But he's so evil and maybe he killed Jonathan!" from Mina and the "Omg I hate u Dracula bcuz u defiled my mother!" from Quincey Harker. And the stunning twist, delivered from Dracula himself? "QUINCY, I AM YOUR FATHER."
Of course he is.
Sure, there's a rational explanation. But when I hear stories like this, I think about restless demons, nosy archaeologists and ancient conspiracies... sort of like Elizabeth Peters' Vicky Bliss mysteries. Somebody get on that, stat!
I finally finished reading Dacre Stoker's Dracula: The Undead, but... it is not a good book. It is not even interesting in a bad way except for a few choice bits in the beginning and some WTF bits in the middle. In short: everyone despises/blames Mina Harker for being Dracula's ho, including Countess Elizabeth Bathory who is also jealous because Dracula wants to make Mina his immortal love-bunny instead of her. It involves a battle on the London streets where Mina-- amped up with Dracula's preternaturally powerful blood and armed with a katana-- fights off a lusty vampiress, possibly the same one that bit off Jonathan Harker's manhood. The scene was less exciting than that sounds.
Mina watched her own hand grab Holmwood's broken walking stick and hold it in front of her like a spearman meeting a cavalry charge. The vampire was moving too fast to chekc her momentum: She impaled herself through the heart on the sharp, broken end of the walking stick. Mina's face and hands were splashed with ice-cold blood, sending shivers throughout her body. The Woman in White's victorious roar was transformed into a death wail.
Staring at Mina in profound disbelief, she croaked, "How...?"
"Didn't your mistress warn you? I'm Dracula's adulterous whore!" Mina said.
Ahahahaha... It's understood that in vampire books/movies/TV shows there's going to be a lot of Convenient Stake Material lying around -- even in modern times, when a vampire vs. mortal furniture-destroying throwdown means it's more likely that you'd have to stab a vampire with a plywood and plastic veneer Ikea component. It's also understood that vampires are terrible about not-impaling themselves through the heart.
I think what makes this book so facepalmingly bad is the boring repetition of "I lurve sexy Dracula! But he's so evil and maybe he killed Jonathan!" from Mina and the "Omg I hate u Dracula bcuz u defiled my mother!" from Quincey Harker. And the stunning twist, delivered from Dracula himself? "QUINCY, I AM YOUR FATHER."
Of course he is.