How Gay is Superman? (part 2)
Title: How Gay is Superman?
Author: DM Wyatt
Cover: DancesWithGary
Warnings: PG-13 or R (if you squint), post-rift, Future-fic, humor
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 9,673
Summary: Lois outs Superman in a cover article in the Advocate. Lex, seeing a new opportunity, makes sometimes clumsy moves on the lovable Big Dumb Alien.
Previous Part
Part 2 of 2
~:::~
He floated above the world and looked up into the sky like a human would as they lay on a hill top. He was perfectly at home as he hung far above the Earth. He was also perfectly miserable to be alone and not be able share the wonder of it with anyone.
He didn't know what was wrong with him. He never got dates and maybe Lois was right. He probably was gay, he liked to look at men's asses more than he liked looking at women's, but it wasn't like he would do any better with men than he had with women.
Gay men always seemed so well dressed and Clark was a real slob, always wrinkled and slouchy. How on earth could Clark compete with even a moderately well dressed gay man?
Worse....
How could Clark ever possibly compete with Superman?
It was probably hopeless. He would never get a date. Forget ever finding someone to take home to Mom much less finding someone worth taking home to Mom.
~:::~
The next time Lex Luthor needed help it had seemed, at first, more sincere, but Clark was again suspicious. Despite the apparent danger for the bald billionaire, he dangled from the rooftop of the Luthorcorp building by only one hand, his heart rate was steady and even. Clark hung back and watched as he yelled for help.
Clark's suspicions weren't confirmed until Lex adjusted his grip that Clark saw the safety line.
He got closer, close enough for Lex to finally see him, and he hung there in mid-air and crossed his arms in contempt.
He growled in his deepest, most pissed off Superman-voice, "What are you up to, Luthor?"
Lex acted panicked, badly, as he shrieked at Clark. "What are you doing just floating there? Help me! I'm about to fall!"
"Liar. You're not in any danger at all. You have a safety line and your heart beat is a slow and steady sixty-five beats a minute."
Luthor just scowled at him, but it wasn't until then that Clark noticed what he was wearing. It was a black t-shirt. The words emblazoned across the chest didn't make sense.
I can't even think straight
Clark was confused, "What does your shirt mean, Luthor?"
Lex sighed heavily and heaved himself back up on the ledge and climbed onto the roof. He straightened up and frowned at Clark as he brushed off his jeans and t-shirt. "If you don't already know, then there's no point in me explaining it."
"You trying to tell me something, Luthor?"
The other man only crossed his arms and huffed, exasperated as if Clark was completely clueless for not getting whatever it was... "You tell me, Superman. Is there something I should be telling you?"
He scowled back at him and flew away, confused and worried that he was missing something very important...
~:::~
The next day, Clark suddenly left an editorial meeting. He had to save someone calling for help.
He flew to where he'd heard a young man who had screamed that he was about to drown in a raging river... Clark was perplexed because it had been a fairly dry year and there had been no recent flooding.
So, he wasn't surprised to find that the "raging river" which had threatened to sweep the man away was only three inches deep and might instead be considered a stream, clearly not big enough to even be thought a creek.
Even while he was annoyed, Clark plucked him from the rock just the same. After he'd set him down him safely on the sandy stream bed and prepared to lecture him on not calling for help needlessly, the other man grabbed him and kissed him hard.
He was too shocked at first to pull away and then he was even more surprised to find that he enjoyed it. The man was gorgeous and a very good kisser, the rough feel of his beard combined with his soft lips and hard body pressed up to his was a surprisingly erotic mix. Clark got lost in the feelings and felt desire rise up as the other man's hands started to roam over his body.
He only pulled away when the man's hands had found the break in between Clark's tights and his top and brushed his fingers across Clark's trembling stomach... Overwhelmed and confused by the conflicting emotions, and very pleasurable sensations, it was just too much.
Clark flew away, flustered and turned on like he hadn't been in a very long time.
~:::~
It had been a few days of relative calm and then again he again heard Lex Luthor's cry for help.
He arrived at Luthor's high-rise offices to find an apparently unhinged man holding Lex at gun point. Clark scowled.
On the surface, it looked like he was being scammed again. How could a madman get past the draconian security protocols that even a paranoid schizophrenic would have been happy with?
Mercy, a woman who can usually hold her own with even him, was apparently pretending to be out cold on the floor and Lex was on the balcony of his executive suite. How could a normal human best her?
Clark hovered a short distance away, still suspicious, but willing to see how the situation played out before he decided what to do.
Then the man pistol-whipped Lex particularly brutally, striking him on the jaw and knocking him to floor, Lex was bleeding badly from the wound and Clark had heard something snap when the man had struck Lex's face.
Clark's heart stopped and time ground to a halt as he reexamined the situation as the man pulled back to land another blow on Lex's head.
Despite how unlikely the situation was, he realized that Mercy was truly out cold. Her head was bleeding and her slack mouth allowed drool to pool under her cheek. Clark x-rayed her head and her brain was contused and Lex looked dazed.
This time, it hadn't been a plan... Clark had hesitated and Lex had gotten hurt.
Only another split second had elapsed before Clark acted. Still using his speed, Superman zoomed in and grabbed the man's upraised hand. His eyes burned with barely contained rage as he pulled the gun from the man's hand and then popped his forehead lightly to knock him out.
Lex lay quietly on the ground, blood covering half his left cheek where the man's blow had cut it open... Clark knelt at his side and asked quietly, "Are you okay, Luthor?"
He didn't answer. He just looked up at Clark, his eyes glazed with shock and pain.
Clark's heart skipped a beat, "Lex, are you okay?" He x-rayed him quickly and discovered his brain was only slightly contused but his cheek bone had a small fracture where the cut was and a couple of his teeth were loose.
Several security guards came in waving guns.
Clark nodded to the man who laid sprawled unconscious on the floor. "He's no longer a danger to anyone, but you should restrain him in case he wakes. That will likely be soon since I didn't hit him hard." He picked up both Lex and Mercy. "I will take them to the hospital since they both need immediate medical attention..."
Even though it was a bit awkward to carry Lex with a still unconscious Mercy, Clark did manage to get them both to the hospital a lot more quickly than an ambulance would have. Mercy was coming around when he handed her off to the nurses.
Lex had been awake the whole time and looked up at Clark as he gently laid him down onto a gurney. His eyes were still a bit glazed, but there was a look of affectionate gratitude on his face. He whispered, "Thank you, Cl..." Then thought better of it and said, "...I mean, thank you, Superman."
Clark smiled what he hoped was a comforting and warm smile as he replied in his best, and deepest, Superman voice. "You're welcome, Mr. Luthor."
Usually when he dropped victims of violent crimes or traffic accidents off at the hospital, he'd let the doctors and nurses do their jobs and leave to see who else needed his help. However, this time he stayed with Lex. He had an uncharacteristic worry about his well-being which kept him from leaving.
Clark didn't really think about why he had wanted to wait, Lex was a pain in his butt more than anything else (especially with his recent inexplicable ploy of staging emergencies). Maybe it had more to do with their past friendship more than anything else.
At least, that's what Clark convinced was the reason...
In any case, he wanted to make sure that Lex was indeed okay.
When the nurse opened Lex's shirt, he was surprised that he wore a t-shirt underneath. It again had an odd phrase that Clark was mystified by.
I Don't Do Girls
As the nurse prepared to cut the shirt off of his body, he wouldn't let them cut his Armani suit at all, Clark asked, '"What's that mean, Le..." He cleared his throat, "What I meant to say was: What does that mean, Luthor? What don't you do with girls?"
Lex scowled at Clark and then his tone got icy, "Don't you have a kitten to rescue or something?" The nurse who had been prepping Lex's arm for an IV had actually rolled her eyes as she sadly shook her head.
Clark scowled at them all as Mercy laughed at him from a nearby bed. He left. Clark figured that Luthor was in good hands, and he didn't like being made fun of when he didn't understand what people were talking about, but he was perplexed at Lex's actions.
That man never made any sense to Clark.
~:::~
Clark knew he wasn't stupid. He could figure out PI to more than a thousand decimal places in his head. That meant he was smart, right? Really smart? So, why did human interactions between the sexes always perplex him?
Well, heck. Even interactions between the same sex confused him.
For example, what the hell is the deal with Lex?
He had been acting very strangely lately. Faking all those emergencies and wearing those odd t-shirts... Clark was a top-notch investigative reporter for one of the top dailies in the country, maybe even the world. Maybe the mystery of the staged emergencies might never be solved, but at least he could figure out the t-shirts.
Clark thought about it as he changed back into his civilian gear.
He had a photographic memory and internet access. Clark could certainly Google.
Stepping from the broom closet at the end of the hall near the bullpen, Clark put on his glasses and walked to his desk with a new purpose.
Clark logged into his computer and Googled the first shirt slogan.
He typed in his query and hit the enter key.
It took maybe ten seconds before the results came back. The first entry was on the Urban Dictionary. He clicked the link. That site gave the definition of 2QT2BSTR8 as:
Too cute to be straight. Often used by Homosexual people when they see a hot guy/girl on the internet.
Wow, look at this picture, this guy is just 2qt2bstr8!
Clark blushed at the idea of Lex being gay... Maybe he WAS too cute to be straight. He smiled at the thought...
Then he scowled at the screen. Was Lex gay? If so, why did he marry all those women? Why had he married Lana? (Not that it had lasted long, with any of them...)
But would he wear such a shirt if he wasn't gay? It didn't make sense.
Googling "I Can't Even Think Straight" led to an Australian TV show on IMDB.com and a link to the Rainbow Gay Pride clothing shop....
Clark's blush deepened and he didn't even bother searching for "I Don't Do Girls..."
He was ashamed that Lois had been right. He was Cleopatra, Queen of Denial. Worse, he was in denial in more than one way...
And Lex probably is just as gay as he had finally begun to suspect he was.
He slumped forward onto his desk and softly banged his head onto its surface. All he could think of was how stupid he was. Maybe the websites that used the phrase 'Big Dumb Alien' when referring to him hadn't been wrong.
Superman was indeed humongous and was in desperate need of buying a clue.
He sighed heavily and looked up at his computer screen. He sat up and typed in "Lex Luthor" in the search text box and then clicked on the images button.
More than a hundred thousand hits came up. Every one, he had to admit, more gorgeous than the last.
He clicked back to the Google main page and retyped "Lex Luthor" and clicked the 'I'm Feeling Lucky' button.
It immediately brought up the Wikipedia page on Lex and halfway down the page, there was an image of him. He wore purple.
Clark sighed.
Lex's fondness for purple and lavender now made sense, but his fondness for women didn't. Clark simply sighed in resignation as took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose.
He felt an enormous headache coming on.
~:::~
It wasn't until three days later, two days after Lex had been released from the hospital (only kept overnight for observation), that Clark started to feel more like his old self.
He felt that he had to ignore, at least to an extent, the fact that he was queer as a three dollar bill.
The muscles in his jaw tightened in his frustration.
No, he couldn't be upset at finally accepting who, and what he was. He was an alien. How much stranger could being gay really be? After all, it didn't change who he was.
He was still Clark.
Geeky, introverted Clark who somehow couldn’t inject enough of his Superman persona into his real life to be as sexually attractive to women, and men, as Superman was.
It just simply didn't do him any good to accept that he was gay.
It had turned out that Lois outing him on the front page of The Advocate had probably not been all that bad a thing. He was gay, only missing the rainbow sticker on his laptop and the Barbara Streisand and Liberace records gathering dust back in his apartment.
He thought about it.
Was it actually a prerequisite to being gay that he like Barbara Streisand and Liberace? Was liking Martina Navratilova and Rock Hudson enough?
Was he gay enough that it would that save him from a life destined to be alone? Sadly, Clark realized that it probably wouldn't.
All the good-looking men in Metropolis apparently wouldn't have any more reason to date him than any of the dozens of women he'd tried to date had. In fact, they would probably have less.
After he'd spent a night discussing the matter with Jor-El, he'd been surprised that homosexuality had apparently been completely accepted as a variation for Kryptonians and had only added to the spice of life. Diversity hadn't been just a buzz word to the Kryptonian culture; it had been a completely ingrained part of it. Unlike what he'd expected, his disclosure that he was gay hadn't shocked Jor-El at all.
In fact, Jor-El had been happy (well, insofar as an Artificial Intelligence could ever be considered happy, that is). He had been pleased because maybe now Clark would finally settle down with a life companion. Jor-El had told him that maybe now he'd accepted what he had long suspected to be his normal sexual orientation, he'll finally find happiness.
Despite the shock that he hadn't covered up his orientation with a computer stuck in the Arctic anymore than he had with Lois, the complete acceptance by his father (AI or not) had been comforting. It helped him accept this new aspect to his life more... Ever the outsider, it was just something that made him feel more normal.
He wasn't simply a freak of a Kryptonian with strange powers; he was now just another lonely gay man in America. He had Lois to thank for the affirmation that he wasn't all that different from any other gay man, but it didn't help his real problem: the lack of a prospective soul mate.
Despite the depressing fact that his dilemma of where to find that certain special someone hadn't really been resolved, he found that he was more hopeful as he walked into the Planet bullpen toward his desk. He had a better grasp of what he needed and the kind of person to look at more closely.
But he wasn't sure how he could find other geeky homosexual men who wore rumpled suits and thick glasses. So where on earth was he going to look to find his soul mate?
He sighed again when he saw the huge pile of cards from florists that sat on his desk in a tray. He sat down and began to go through them. Little surprise that they still sent more... Superman's plea to not send more flowers had gone on deaf ears, apparently, despite the florists getting angry complaints from patrons seeking to send flowers to people other than Superman. Lois did another follow-up to The Advocate article, this time in the Planet... So, maybe it wasn't a follow-up but it was definitely related.
She had investigated how people not interested in sending flowers to Superman weren't able to buy arrangements since all of the florists quickly sold out as soon as their stock got replenished. It was getting ugly, women all over the city upset that their husbands and boyfriends weren't able to get them flowers since one gay Superhero was apparently getting them all.
Clark sighed as he looked at the next card and started to open it when Clark heard the elevator door open behind him. He turned to look over at a man who stepped off the elevator. He wore a blue uniform jacket from the most exclusive florist in Metropolis. He spied Clark and approached, carrying a bouquet of rare and expensive tropical flowers and a gigantic box of chocolates.
He groaned. Apparently Superman's new suitor had found a flower shop that hadn't gotten word about only forwarding the cards...
Clark scowled before he turned back toward the huge pile of cards on his desk. He looked at Lois' delighted grin in surprise.
Lois winked wickedly at Clark. She was gladly anticipating yet another humiliation for Clark.
She called out to the man, no doubt trying to rub it in Clark's face, as he approached with the flowers. "So? Another delivery for Superman?"
"No, it's not for Superman..." Lois looked hugely disappointed at his answer. She frowned for a moment as she quickly chewed on a nail, trying to hide her distress. Clark arched an eyebrow in her direction when she perked up as if she had gotten an even better idea...
She asked, hopefully, "Are they for Lois Lane?"
The messenger stopped by Clark's desk and plunked the box of chocolates down on his desk, on top of a pile of the cards that he hadn't yet put back into the tray. A dozen or more of them spilled onto the floor as the man shook his head and said succinctly, "Nope, not her either."
Annoyed, Lois put her hands on hips. "Then who?"
The delivery man looked at Clark, "Clark Kent?"
Clark timidly replied, "Yes..."
The man smirked as he handed Clark the bouquet. "These are for you..."
Lois almost spluttered she was so surprised. Clark, on the other hand, was speechless.
Clark's eyeglasses had slid down his nose. He pushed the frames back up to the bridge of his nose with a single finger and he simply looked at the huge bouquet at a complete loss of what to say.
The delivery man held out a pen and clip board, "Please sign where I've highlighted, Mr. Kent."
Clark signed and didn't believe it. Someone had sent him flowers for once. Him. Clark Kent.
As the delivery man left with his clipboard Clark looked at the beautiful and expensive blossoms and didn't know what to say or do... He was speechless.
Clark looked up when Lois cleared her throat. She had an eyebrow arched and looked a bit miffed. "Who are they from, Clark?"
"I have no idea...."
"You're such a dope." Clark scowled at her and she literally rolled her eyes at him. "Just read the card, Clark...."
Clark's face went red, "Oh, right..."
He gently moved the flowers about a bit as he looked for the card, but he couldn't find one. He looked on the chocolate box and on top of the pile of cards on his desk... nothing that wasn't addressed to Superman. Nothing from the flowers had apparently fallen onto his desk.
Damn...
He looked at the cards that had dropped to the floor and knelt down to pick them up. He ended up crawling under his desk to pick up a few that had ended up toward the back of the knee space...
He looked at each envelope and was annoyed that they were all the ones that had been sent to Superman. He was so distracted by the search through the cards that had fallen to the floor that he hadn't heard someone approach until he spoke.
"Miss Lane? Could I have an autograph?"
Lex?
Clark hit his head so hard on the desk above him he thought he'd heard the ancient oak crack...
He remembered to say 'Ow' only after he'd heard Lois ask him, her voice soft with concern, "Are you okay under there, Clark?"
"Ow..."
He came out from under the desk rubbing the back of his head as if he had hurt it. He looked up sheepishly at Lex as he knelt on the floor next to his desk.
Lex stood there, two small white steri-strips over the cut on his cheek, wearing a purple and pink floral patterned tie and holding a copy of The Advocate with Superman on the cover.
Clark scowled at him.
"What are you doing here, Le..." Clark cleared his throat, "I mean... What are you doing here, Luthor?"
Lois, apparently convinced of Clark's continued good health despite the apparent lump on his head, smirked at Lex. "That's also what I'd like to know, Luthor." She jabbed her finger into Lex's chest to emphasize the point, "You're got a lot of nerve coming here after what you've done..."
Lex gave a fake affronted look to Lois and said, too nicely, "Me? What have I done to deserve that, Miss Lane? I've been the perfect angel..." Lex paused significantly and looked at Clark, "Or as least I have been lately." His look at Clark became dark with desire as his voice dropped into a seductive purr. "Unless there's something naughty that Clark would like me to do..."
Clark blushed at that, he couldn't remember the last time Lex called him Clark and he found he liked it, as Lois looked at Lex completely floored. She then started to laugh.
She shook her head and smiled as she grabbed her purse. "Luthor, you might have a career as a stand-up comic in your future... That's funny. You and Smallville? The Billionaire with dubious ethics who wears Armani and drives a million dollar sports car getting together with a farmboy do-gooder who loves plaid flannel and whose favorite mode of transport is a battered seventies-era pick-up truck? Yeah, that'll work..." She sobered a bit and looked at Clark, "You want anything? I was going to grab some lunch..."
Clark looked up at her, "No, I'm fine, Lois. Thank you."
She chuckled as she left and Clark looked back at Lex.
"What are you doing here, Lex?"
Lex smirked and held up the magazine, "I'd been hoping to get this signed, both by the author and the subject of the article...."
Clark stood up, brushed off his pants and cleared his throat. "If you give it to me, I'll see that, uhm... I'll make sure that both Lois and Superman sign it for you..."
Lex arched an eyebrow at that and decided to play along. "I would appreciate that."
Clark held out his hand to take the magazine from Lex, but the other man only smiled as he hugged it to his chest. Clark was perplexed. "Don't you want to give it to me?"
"No, not right now..." His fingers gently caressed Superman's image as he talked, "I wanted to talk to you about it first, maybe over lunch...."
Clark straightened his tie and suit, annoyed and confused. "Why on earth would you want to talk to me about Lois' article? Maybe you should take her out to lunch, you can probably still catch her."
Lex moved closer to Clark, entirely too close, and his eyes smoldered. Lex's look sparked something in Clark, his desire rose unexpectedly as Lex's unique scent filled Clark senses. His cologne was musky and sharp with a tinge of sweetness, vanilla maybe, and underneath there was the masculine scent of something... His desire? The thought made Clark's heart beat faster.
When Lex spoke, Clark could feel the warmth of his breath on the skin of his face. He spoke softly, like someone speaking in a church, hushed, reverential... "You didn't answer my question except to ask one of your own..."
He felt like he should say something, but he couldn't even remember what the question had been. Clark replied just as quietly, "What question was that?"
Clark swallowed as Lex took another step closer, too close, their thighs touched.
His face felt hot, so hot... he felt beads of sweat break out on his upper lip and across his chest. And when Lex spoke again his voice was hushed and silky, "I had asked whether you wanted to go out to lunch with me..."
Clark was confused, their animosity, the long-ago point-of-no-return, would make a simple lunch date impossible, wouldn't it? He had wanted to growl his own question, but came out a soft whisper. His body betraying his mind, his overwhelmed senses doing an end-around his self-indignant ire, "Why would you want that?"
"I don't know, Clark. I thought to find out what you're take is on Lois' explosive exposé..." His voice dropped even more, to a now barely audible (well, to a human), purr. "Just how gay IS Superman?"
Clark swallowed again and hoped his voice didn't crack. "I don't know if I can really say, Lex." Clark looked away and picked up the bouquet of flowers. "Maybe you need to ask Superman that... I gotta get these into some water..."
He turned and walked briskly toward the kitchen and was surprised when Lex followed him. Clark put the flowers on the counter and looked for a vase as Lex watched from the doorway. There were several vases that people had washed out and put under the sink. He decided on one and filled it with water and was about to put the flowers in, when Lex interrupted.
"No, Clark... you have to cut the stems first."
"What? Cut them?"
"Yes, you have to cut them... they'll last longer if you do."
Clark was confused and probably looked it because Lex shook his head and took the flowers gently from Clark's hands and placed them back onto the counter. He stepped to the sink and ran cold water into it and put the stopper in. He pulled off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. The sink slowly filled up as he pulled open drawers looking for something. He rummaged through a drawer and found a sharp knife and then turned off the water.
He looked at Clark and picked up the flowers again. "You've got to cut the ends of the stems under water. Otherwise the sap will block the capillaries that will pull the water from the vase into the plant." He took the flowers and held the stems under the water and cut the ends off. He placed the flowers immediately into the vase.
Clark watched as Lex worked and a feeling of warm affection washed over him. He'd never seen this side of Lex before; he'd never realized he could be that domestic. He smiled as Lex pulled the plug out of the drain and then dried his hands. Lex slowly and delicately placed the flowers into a less haphazard arrangement in the vase.
Lex looked back up at Clark and smiled. "You'll have them around longer now..." He rolled his sleeves back down and buttoned his cuffs. He pulled back on his jacket and his face sobered. "You still didn't answer my question, Clark. Would you like to go out to lunch?"
"I don't know, Lex, but maybe I need to take these back to my desk first." He took the vase and went back out into the office and placed them on his desk. Lex stood nearby and watched Clark as he started to pick up all the cards and place them back into the tray...
He looked at the beautiful flowers and said, almost to himself, "I just wish I knew who sent them..."
Lex laughed, which annoyed Clark. "What are you laughing at?"
"Don't you know who sent them?"
"There wasn't a card."
Lex shook his head and smiled affectionately. "You can really be so adorably clueless sometimes, Clark. Although, I must admit that I've had my clueless moments lately myself..." He pulled a small white envelope out of his pocket. "Who do you think finally figured out that going after Superman isn't the way to get Clark Kent?" Lex stepped closer and handed the small square envelope to Clark.
Clark took the envelope and saw his name on it, written in a looping, florid hand in purple ink.
"You? You sent them? Why?"
Lex shrugged, "I thought I should try a more direct approach since the subtle one wasn't working."
Clark blinked.
He asked Lex in a hushed whisper, "You think faking emergencies so I'd have to rescue you is subtle?"
Lex shrugged and nodded, a slight blush touching his cheeks.
"You really are one of a kind, Lex."
He smiled, "Those emergencies, staged or not, did get your attention, but I guess the t-shirts weren't as cute as I'd thought they'd be..."
Clark blushed, "No, they were cute, once I figured out what they meant..."
Lex laughed again, and asked, his smile broad and genuine. "So, do you want to go to lunch?"
Clark smiled and nodded, "I'm willing to give it a shot."
Pleased, Lex said, "Good."
Clark's blush deepened and he followed Lex into the elevator.
When the doors closed Lex pushed the stop button and then pulled clueless Clark into a kiss that might have set his hair on fire if he weren't impervious to flame. It was hard and masculine and the biggest turn on of a kiss he'd ever had, as if he'd needed more proof of his orientation.
The kiss softened and Lex pulled out of it. "So, Clark, you haven't answered my other question... How gay is Superman?"
Clark's only answer was a smile and then he pulled Lex back into another kiss.
~:::~