Laundry Emergency
Okay, this is pure silliness but 
bop_radar made me do it!
Cover: danceswithgary
Title: Laundry Emergency
Author: D.M. Wyatt
Rating: PG-13 if you squint
Warnings: Hint of Clex with a dash of Chlark friendship, PG, mild ETC
Spoilers: None
Summary: Clark has a... well... read the title....
In
bop_radar's welcome post about the new season, I said that if I was to have control over one episode that Clark would have a serious laundry emergency and have to go through an entire episode in only his boxers. This is what might bring that about:
------
Clark was really having a bad day. The proof of that was immediately apparent when he awoke on the sidewalk outside of the Talon wearing only his boxers.
He sat up and looked around him, confused by what happened. The last thing he remembered was feeling a bit nauseous and weak. He'd been exposed to Kryptonite, but green-k didn't usually destroy his clothing...
Chloe ran up to him, panicked concern marring her pretty face. "Clark! Oh my God! Are you okay?"
"Yeah... I guess. What happened?"
"You don't remember? It was terrible, there was this awful screeching sound and a thumping and then...."
As Chloe rambled on, Clark looked around and noticed all the men on the street were down to their boxers or tightie whities or, in a few cases, stark naked. Clark grimaced and swallowed hard... He felt sick all of a sudden.
Some guys shouldn't show that much skin.
Clark interrupted Chloe. "Uhm... why are all the guys... uhm... in their underwear?"
"Clark, weren't you listening?" Clark tried to look innocent but it probably didn't work since Chloe groaned in frustration. "Listen this time, okay? There was this... uh... monster that attacked all the men and ate their clothes. Only, it wasn't really a monster..."
Confused, Clark shook his head. "So, was it a monster or not?"
"Actually looked more like it was more like a monstrously huge clothes dryer..."
Clark blinked.
"A clothes dryer?"
"Yeah, but it was huge and had teeth and it glowed green... I think that's why you passed out when it attacked, it was infected with kryptonite.... No one else passed out. All these other guys probably have full memories of the humiliation of having their clothing ripped right off their bodies." Chloe looked at Clark's nearly naked form and spoke so softly it was barely audible. "Too bad it didn't eat the underwear too..."
Clark blushed. "Chloe?!!"
"Did I say that out loud? Sorry..." She shook her head, shrugged and pulled him up. "Look, we got to get you home and get you some clothes."
Clark was in too much shock he didn't think to run home until he got there, but it wouldn't have done him any good anyway. What they found when they got to the picturesque Kent farm was made Clark's bad day get even worse.
As he stood in the middle of his room and looked at the destroyed closet that used to hold all of his flannel shirts and heavy jeans. His Mom looked at him sadly from the doorway.
"I couldn't stop it, Clark... I'm sorry. I know how much you liked all your plaid flannel..."
Clark sighed as he looked at the shreds of his wardrobe littering the floor of his closet. "Wouldn't some of dad's old clothes fit me?"
"Yeah, they would if the monster hadn't eaten those too..."
Clark frowned and went through his drawers... not even his sweats and shorts survived the creature's attack. He slammed a drawer closed out of frustration.
"Is there nothing left? What am I going to wear while I fight this thing?"
Martha blushed a bit and held up a blue, double-knit polyester tuxedo that Clark vaguely remembered from his dad's prom photos. There was also the white ruffled front tuxedo shirt that had blue trim....
"Mom, I wouldn't be caught dead in that..."
Chloe entered and tried to sound comforting, "It doesn't look that bad..."
Clark grimaced. "Maybe Fordman's has something...."
Chloe shook her head sadly. "No, they were hit first... they're close to where the monster started attacking."
"What about Wal-Mart?"
"Their men's department was totally decimated..."
"Target?"
Chloe sadly shook her head. "Sorry... it even took out the infants' and boys' clothing lines."
"Why is it eating clothes, Chloe? It doesn't make any sense..."
Chloe just shrugged and said, lamely, "From what they said, it looks a lot like the industrial dryers they use out at the Luthorcorp plant to dry employee uniforms... I think the kryptonite testing they did there made particles build up and ended up in the dryers' lint traps. Maybe they didn't clean them out often enough and it became sentient... a lot of socks have apparently gone missing after they've been dried lately. Maybe it was just moving onto bigger and better things."
"Why is it only eating men's clothing?"
"Most Luthorcorp employees are men, it's just sticking to what it knows it likes."
"You telling me this is a sentient clothes dryer that's also a picky eater?"
Chloe shrugged and nodded.
"That's crazy, Chlo!"
Chloe shrugged again and lamely added. "This is Smallville, Clark...."
Clark was about to reply, but Chloe's cell phone picked that moment to ring. She picked up and talked quickly. She hung up and looked at Clark. "The monster is headed toward the Luthor mansion."
Clark looked up in shock. "All of Lex's clothes...?"
Chloe replied thoughtfully, "It will probably like the purple silk." She looked at Clark more emphatically. "You better hurry to stop it, Clark. I hear Lex goes commando." Chloe's tone turned more serious. "You need to get there before the monster does or Lex will be naked without a thing to wear."
Clark blushed and walked off to fight the thing that made him have a serious laundry emergency.
He smiled as he realized that he could have run and gotten there sooner, but he really didn't see the need to rush...
-----
The End.
bop_radar made me do it!
Cover: danceswithgary
Title: Laundry Emergency
Author: D.M. Wyatt
Rating: PG-13 if you squint
Warnings: Hint of Clex with a dash of Chlark friendship, PG, mild ETC
Spoilers: None
Summary: Clark has a... well... read the title....
In
bop_radar's welcome post about the new season, I said that if I was to have control over one episode that Clark would have a serious laundry emergency and have to go through an entire episode in only his boxers. This is what might bring that about:
------
Clark was really having a bad day. The proof of that was immediately apparent when he awoke on the sidewalk outside of the Talon wearing only his boxers.
He sat up and looked around him, confused by what happened. The last thing he remembered was feeling a bit nauseous and weak. He'd been exposed to Kryptonite, but green-k didn't usually destroy his clothing...
Chloe ran up to him, panicked concern marring her pretty face. "Clark! Oh my God! Are you okay?"
"Yeah... I guess. What happened?"
"You don't remember? It was terrible, there was this awful screeching sound and a thumping and then...."
As Chloe rambled on, Clark looked around and noticed all the men on the street were down to their boxers or tightie whities or, in a few cases, stark naked. Clark grimaced and swallowed hard... He felt sick all of a sudden.
Some guys shouldn't show that much skin.
Clark interrupted Chloe. "Uhm... why are all the guys... uhm... in their underwear?"
"Clark, weren't you listening?" Clark tried to look innocent but it probably didn't work since Chloe groaned in frustration. "Listen this time, okay? There was this... uh... monster that attacked all the men and ate their clothes. Only, it wasn't really a monster..."
Confused, Clark shook his head. "So, was it a monster or not?"
"Actually looked more like it was more like a monstrously huge clothes dryer..."
Clark blinked.
"A clothes dryer?"
"Yeah, but it was huge and had teeth and it glowed green... I think that's why you passed out when it attacked, it was infected with kryptonite.... No one else passed out. All these other guys probably have full memories of the humiliation of having their clothing ripped right off their bodies." Chloe looked at Clark's nearly naked form and spoke so softly it was barely audible. "Too bad it didn't eat the underwear too..."
Clark blushed. "Chloe?!!"
"Did I say that out loud? Sorry..." She shook her head, shrugged and pulled him up. "Look, we got to get you home and get you some clothes."
Clark was in too much shock he didn't think to run home until he got there, but it wouldn't have done him any good anyway. What they found when they got to the picturesque Kent farm was made Clark's bad day get even worse.
As he stood in the middle of his room and looked at the destroyed closet that used to hold all of his flannel shirts and heavy jeans. His Mom looked at him sadly from the doorway.
"I couldn't stop it, Clark... I'm sorry. I know how much you liked all your plaid flannel..."
Clark sighed as he looked at the shreds of his wardrobe littering the floor of his closet. "Wouldn't some of dad's old clothes fit me?"
"Yeah, they would if the monster hadn't eaten those too..."
Clark frowned and went through his drawers... not even his sweats and shorts survived the creature's attack. He slammed a drawer closed out of frustration.
"Is there nothing left? What am I going to wear while I fight this thing?"
Martha blushed a bit and held up a blue, double-knit polyester tuxedo that Clark vaguely remembered from his dad's prom photos. There was also the white ruffled front tuxedo shirt that had blue trim....
"Mom, I wouldn't be caught dead in that..."
Chloe entered and tried to sound comforting, "It doesn't look that bad..."
Clark grimaced. "Maybe Fordman's has something...."
Chloe shook her head sadly. "No, they were hit first... they're close to where the monster started attacking."
"What about Wal-Mart?"
"Their men's department was totally decimated..."
"Target?"
Chloe sadly shook her head. "Sorry... it even took out the infants' and boys' clothing lines."
"Why is it eating clothes, Chloe? It doesn't make any sense..."
Chloe just shrugged and said, lamely, "From what they said, it looks a lot like the industrial dryers they use out at the Luthorcorp plant to dry employee uniforms... I think the kryptonite testing they did there made particles build up and ended up in the dryers' lint traps. Maybe they didn't clean them out often enough and it became sentient... a lot of socks have apparently gone missing after they've been dried lately. Maybe it was just moving onto bigger and better things."
"Why is it only eating men's clothing?"
"Most Luthorcorp employees are men, it's just sticking to what it knows it likes."
"You telling me this is a sentient clothes dryer that's also a picky eater?"
Chloe shrugged and nodded.
"That's crazy, Chlo!"
Chloe shrugged again and lamely added. "This is Smallville, Clark...."
Clark was about to reply, but Chloe's cell phone picked that moment to ring. She picked up and talked quickly. She hung up and looked at Clark. "The monster is headed toward the Luthor mansion."
Clark looked up in shock. "All of Lex's clothes...?"
Chloe replied thoughtfully, "It will probably like the purple silk." She looked at Clark more emphatically. "You better hurry to stop it, Clark. I hear Lex goes commando." Chloe's tone turned more serious. "You need to get there before the monster does or Lex will be naked without a thing to wear."
Clark blushed and walked off to fight the thing that made him have a serious laundry emergency.
He smiled as he realized that he could have run and gotten there sooner, but he really didn't see the need to rush...
-----
The End.