Hey Baaackkeeyy =D
Okay. I decided to resume updating my LJ. Isn’t that wonderful. And no, I’m not ironical with this one.
I don’t know, I’ve just…kinda been thinking a lot for a while about my life, and I guess I finally learnt how to take things now.
It’s a sort of personal achievement that I am pursuing.
I’m coming with the idea that there’s no use trying to be with people you don’t get along with, doing things you do not approve…not for me anymore, at least.
I used to cope pretty well with all the problems I was getting through - well, I thought so, until I realised that it was actually some kind of struggle that did not suit me and that rather destroyed me. Since I have realised that point, I feel much more confident and peaceful. Now I’ve taken off the blindfold and seen how I could worry for anything that would not worth it at all. Maybe I just got bored of making efforts that did not pay. I don’t know.
All I’m sure of is that it feels so much better to know where my true marks are.
Perhaps it is just now, for this precise moment, that I feel so…but I genuinely hope that this feeling will last.
Even the fact that I am typing this on my computer -in this very Live Journal that I seem to have neglected for a long time- shows that I have taken a step forward. Otherwise why would I have chosen to write here, if it wasn’t because of any change ?
The fact is, and it looks like something grave, that I’ve come to realise that I have strictly nothing -well, almost…let’s not be too harsh- in common with the rest of my family. Is it a way to make me feel proud, to make me feel like someone ? We are different, and that’s obviously part of the human nature ; everyone is unique - but I mean, how come that some people get on so well, look like brothers & sisters ? It’s because they share some things, which I don’t anymore with my parents and siblings. I like them, but what if they were not linked to me ? I would have probably never talked to them.
I see life in a complete different manner comparing to them. Or they do not show it, therefore it is sad. I would love to have someone very close to me -my friends apart- who shares my vision of life.
But I have found these persons elsewhere.
The milestone in this self-consciousness is my driving instructor. Weird ?
When I first met him, I felt some kind of great feeling going on between us two.
When I started my lessons, he won my confidence by being open and talking with me about anything.
When we got to know each other better, I felt like he was flirting a bit with me. Making compliments and other remarks. He liked me for sure, and I liked him in return.
When I really began to drive, I saw that it was only because he had managed to bring out the best of me.
Progressively, in every subject we were talking about, we would always share the same opinions -with some variants once in a while- and have long & interesting debates about them.
I was feeling myself, suddenly. I could still be shy and awkward when he was telling me a nice thing, but he opened my eyes on some aspects of my personality. He was seeing things that were entirely true, but that had never been explicit to me thus far.
And it made me feel evolved, grown up as ever. I was no longer feeling sorry for myself nor guilty. I was being happy.
Usually you write about significant events that affected you, your life. But those always seem to be sad, negative ones…….from which you learn things.
It’s just like in songs. Have you noticed 90% of them deal with negative emotions ? I guess the inspiration is harder to get when you’re fine. You’ve got to be very, very optimistic to write about something happy. It’s got to be a powerful feeling, something really you’ve got to dig deep inside yourself to find it.
But here, surprisingly, I am not writing about any wrong experience. I am writing about something good. And I think it is because I can tell I am truly happy.
I hope right now, that when I read this again in the future, I will be able to feel exactly the same happiness as I feel right now. I know it will not be exactly the same, because I would have evolved by then. Again.
In the right way. Keeping in mind this philosophy of yours. Please remember.
That was long, eh ?
Fluffy stuff to come later on…just like old days :-P
I don’t know, I’ve just…kinda been thinking a lot for a while about my life, and I guess I finally learnt how to take things now.
It’s a sort of personal achievement that I am pursuing.
I’m coming with the idea that there’s no use trying to be with people you don’t get along with, doing things you do not approve…not for me anymore, at least.
I used to cope pretty well with all the problems I was getting through - well, I thought so, until I realised that it was actually some kind of struggle that did not suit me and that rather destroyed me. Since I have realised that point, I feel much more confident and peaceful. Now I’ve taken off the blindfold and seen how I could worry for anything that would not worth it at all. Maybe I just got bored of making efforts that did not pay. I don’t know.
All I’m sure of is that it feels so much better to know where my true marks are.
Perhaps it is just now, for this precise moment, that I feel so…but I genuinely hope that this feeling will last.
Even the fact that I am typing this on my computer -in this very Live Journal that I seem to have neglected for a long time- shows that I have taken a step forward. Otherwise why would I have chosen to write here, if it wasn’t because of any change ?
The fact is, and it looks like something grave, that I’ve come to realise that I have strictly nothing -well, almost…let’s not be too harsh- in common with the rest of my family. Is it a way to make me feel proud, to make me feel like someone ? We are different, and that’s obviously part of the human nature ; everyone is unique - but I mean, how come that some people get on so well, look like brothers & sisters ? It’s because they share some things, which I don’t anymore with my parents and siblings. I like them, but what if they were not linked to me ? I would have probably never talked to them.
I see life in a complete different manner comparing to them. Or they do not show it, therefore it is sad. I would love to have someone very close to me -my friends apart- who shares my vision of life.
But I have found these persons elsewhere.
The milestone in this self-consciousness is my driving instructor. Weird ?
When I first met him, I felt some kind of great feeling going on between us two.
When I started my lessons, he won my confidence by being open and talking with me about anything.
When we got to know each other better, I felt like he was flirting a bit with me. Making compliments and other remarks. He liked me for sure, and I liked him in return.
When I really began to drive, I saw that it was only because he had managed to bring out the best of me.
Progressively, in every subject we were talking about, we would always share the same opinions -with some variants once in a while- and have long & interesting debates about them.
I was feeling myself, suddenly. I could still be shy and awkward when he was telling me a nice thing, but he opened my eyes on some aspects of my personality. He was seeing things that were entirely true, but that had never been explicit to me thus far.
And it made me feel evolved, grown up as ever. I was no longer feeling sorry for myself nor guilty. I was being happy.
Usually you write about significant events that affected you, your life. But those always seem to be sad, negative ones…….from which you learn things.
It’s just like in songs. Have you noticed 90% of them deal with negative emotions ? I guess the inspiration is harder to get when you’re fine. You’ve got to be very, very optimistic to write about something happy. It’s got to be a powerful feeling, something really you’ve got to dig deep inside yourself to find it.
But here, surprisingly, I am not writing about any wrong experience. I am writing about something good. And I think it is because I can tell I am truly happy.
I hope right now, that when I read this again in the future, I will be able to feel exactly the same happiness as I feel right now. I know it will not be exactly the same, because I would have evolved by then. Again.
In the right way. Keeping in mind this philosophy of yours. Please remember.
That was long, eh ?
Fluffy stuff to come later on…just like old days :-P