Happenstance: Reconciliation (21/??)
Happenstance: Reconciliation
Rating: PG for this chapter
Pairing: Jack/Ianto implied
Spoilers: Through Episode 1, Season 2
Summary: Set after ‘Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang’.
A/N: Sequel to Chapter 20, but probably will make sense if you've seen the episode.
Beta'ed by the 'Super'frakkin_addict
Linky Links!:
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 |
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ianto wakes again when the hotel phone rings at 10 am. Jack has clearly been awake for a while, and is sitting with his back against the headboard. Calmly he reaches for the receiver. Ianto rubs his cheek lightly against the arm below it, enjoying the heat of Jack’s sleep warmed skin.
“Yes?…Yeah, I’ve spoken to him this morning. He was thinking about maybe having a massage…Try his room again if you haven’t heard from him by lunch…That’s a good idea. We’ll meet downstairs at noon…Gwen, stop worrying. And enjoy yourself! Remember, you’ve actually got a day off.”
He hangs up, looking down at Ianto.
“They were concerned because they hadn’t seen you today, and your bed hasn’t been slept in.”
“Owen didn’t realize last night that I never came in?”
“Gwen didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t realize that you were sharing with him.”
“Well, clearly, I’m not sharing… with him.”
“Clearly.”
“You do know that they know. About us, I mean.”
“I wasn’t sure what you would want to tell them… I’ll explain it to her.”
Ianto slides up the bed to sit side by side.
I don’t want to have this conversation. But if I must, then I don’t have to look at him while we have it.
“That is entirely up to you. I don’t really care if they know I spent the night here. But I’ll try to understand if you do.”
“Ianto…”
He sighs heavily, drawing Ianto’s reluctant eyes to him.
God, he’s worn out, didn’t he sleep last night?
“When is the last time you slept?”
Jack looks at him, surprise written across his face.
“I slept last night.”
“A few hours perhaps. And before that? When is the last time you had a meal?”
“I ate.”
“Dammit Jack! I’m not asking you to divulge all your bloody secrets! I just want to know how you are!”
Angry with himself for yelling, Ianto immediately throws the covers aside and gets out of bed. Jack doesn’t answer him, so he escapes to the bath, closing the door behind him. After splashing water on his face, he brushes his teeth with a complementary brush. As he rinses out the bowl, he hears something slide down the other side of the door. He turns off the water and waits, cocking his head, listening.
“I have no right to ask for your forgiveness.”
Jack’s voice is muffled through the wood, but the pain in it is audible. Angry, sorrowful, lovesick tears pool in Ianto’s eyes. Unwilling to look at his reflection in the ceiling to counter mirror, he lowers himself. Sitting on the floor with his back to the wall he looks to the expressionless door for explanations.
“I have no right to return here, and expect your respect. I have no right to be here at all. I should walk out that door and let you live your life. But I can’t. Ianto, I can’t let you go. I need you, in a way that I haven’t needed anyone in a long, long time. I need you like I needed the Doctor. And it’s not fair, it’s not kind, but I’m a selfish man. You knew that. You’ve always known that.”
Ianto is surprised to feel hot tears dripping down from his jaw, but anticipates the sob he hears from outside.
“I can’t talk about where I’ve been, what happened. It hurts too much. Everything that I lost… Maybe, one day, but I’m not making any promises. Big surprise there, huh? Captain Jack Harkness, former conman, refusing to guarantee something. But that’s not a surprise to you either. You know me better than almost anyone ever has. And there was a time that you accepted me as I am. I never deserved that. But what you didn’t know, what you couldn’t have known because I never told you, is that I know you. I understand you like you’re a part of me. And I’ve lived like an amputee for the last year.”
He falls silent.
He hasn’t answered anything; he could be playing me now. But to what ends? What could he possibly gain by winning me over that would be worth such a display? Then again, do I even care what his motives might be?
Adjusting his position a little, he reaches up to unlatch the door, letting it fall back slowly not wanting to startle Jack. The other man visibly tenses for a moment, before cautiously turning to settle into the threshold. Neither says a word; they just watch one another through tear filled eyes.
Damn the consequences, damn the logic. This is the closest I’ll ever get to an admission of love from him. And he does love me; I know that as well as I know that I love him. It just can’t be said. Not out loud. He can’t afford to admit it, not when he is forced to eventually watch everyone he cares for die. And hearing me say it, remembering me say it, will tear him apart, just as it tears me apart to remember Lisa. Maybe this can be enough, just to be needed.
Ianto reaches out with one hand threading his fingers through the Captain’s.
He may be a selfish man, asking this of me, but I’m selfish enough to take it.
Rating: PG for this chapter
Pairing: Jack/Ianto implied
Spoilers: Through Episode 1, Season 2
Summary: Set after ‘Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang’.
A/N: Sequel to Chapter 20, but probably will make sense if you've seen the episode.
Beta'ed by the 'Super'frakkin_addict
Linky Links!:
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 |
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ianto wakes again when the hotel phone rings at 10 am. Jack has clearly been awake for a while, and is sitting with his back against the headboard. Calmly he reaches for the receiver. Ianto rubs his cheek lightly against the arm below it, enjoying the heat of Jack’s sleep warmed skin.
“Yes?…Yeah, I’ve spoken to him this morning. He was thinking about maybe having a massage…Try his room again if you haven’t heard from him by lunch…That’s a good idea. We’ll meet downstairs at noon…Gwen, stop worrying. And enjoy yourself! Remember, you’ve actually got a day off.”
He hangs up, looking down at Ianto.
“They were concerned because they hadn’t seen you today, and your bed hasn’t been slept in.”
“Owen didn’t realize last night that I never came in?”
“Gwen didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t realize that you were sharing with him.”
“Well, clearly, I’m not sharing… with him.”
“Clearly.”
“You do know that they know. About us, I mean.”
“I wasn’t sure what you would want to tell them… I’ll explain it to her.”
Ianto slides up the bed to sit side by side.
I don’t want to have this conversation. But if I must, then I don’t have to look at him while we have it.
“That is entirely up to you. I don’t really care if they know I spent the night here. But I’ll try to understand if you do.”
“Ianto…”
He sighs heavily, drawing Ianto’s reluctant eyes to him.
God, he’s worn out, didn’t he sleep last night?
“When is the last time you slept?”
Jack looks at him, surprise written across his face.
“I slept last night.”
“A few hours perhaps. And before that? When is the last time you had a meal?”
“I ate.”
“Dammit Jack! I’m not asking you to divulge all your bloody secrets! I just want to know how you are!”
Angry with himself for yelling, Ianto immediately throws the covers aside and gets out of bed. Jack doesn’t answer him, so he escapes to the bath, closing the door behind him. After splashing water on his face, he brushes his teeth with a complementary brush. As he rinses out the bowl, he hears something slide down the other side of the door. He turns off the water and waits, cocking his head, listening.
“I have no right to ask for your forgiveness.”
Jack’s voice is muffled through the wood, but the pain in it is audible. Angry, sorrowful, lovesick tears pool in Ianto’s eyes. Unwilling to look at his reflection in the ceiling to counter mirror, he lowers himself. Sitting on the floor with his back to the wall he looks to the expressionless door for explanations.
“I have no right to return here, and expect your respect. I have no right to be here at all. I should walk out that door and let you live your life. But I can’t. Ianto, I can’t let you go. I need you, in a way that I haven’t needed anyone in a long, long time. I need you like I needed the Doctor. And it’s not fair, it’s not kind, but I’m a selfish man. You knew that. You’ve always known that.”
Ianto is surprised to feel hot tears dripping down from his jaw, but anticipates the sob he hears from outside.
“I can’t talk about where I’ve been, what happened. It hurts too much. Everything that I lost… Maybe, one day, but I’m not making any promises. Big surprise there, huh? Captain Jack Harkness, former conman, refusing to guarantee something. But that’s not a surprise to you either. You know me better than almost anyone ever has. And there was a time that you accepted me as I am. I never deserved that. But what you didn’t know, what you couldn’t have known because I never told you, is that I know you. I understand you like you’re a part of me. And I’ve lived like an amputee for the last year.”
He falls silent.
He hasn’t answered anything; he could be playing me now. But to what ends? What could he possibly gain by winning me over that would be worth such a display? Then again, do I even care what his motives might be?
Adjusting his position a little, he reaches up to unlatch the door, letting it fall back slowly not wanting to startle Jack. The other man visibly tenses for a moment, before cautiously turning to settle into the threshold. Neither says a word; they just watch one another through tear filled eyes.
Damn the consequences, damn the logic. This is the closest I’ll ever get to an admission of love from him. And he does love me; I know that as well as I know that I love him. It just can’t be said. Not out loud. He can’t afford to admit it, not when he is forced to eventually watch everyone he cares for die. And hearing me say it, remembering me say it, will tear him apart, just as it tears me apart to remember Lisa. Maybe this can be enough, just to be needed.
Ianto reaches out with one hand threading his fingers through the Captain’s.
He may be a selfish man, asking this of me, but I’m selfish enough to take it.