mr. slap happy.
i spoke to this kid tonight and i doubt he realizes what that meant.well first of all. i am here to clear my thoughts.
A.i'm ecstatic that i had that conversation and dont have one bad feeling about it because
1. he cant make me feel bad ever again, nope never.
his words dont hurt. and we dont have anything anymore.
B. he asked me to remember the good times. and yes, slap happy, i WILL try REAL hard to remember the good times because i'll keep the good memories close, and the horrible memories EVEN closer. because they're held near and dear to my heart. etched with a scar.
he thinks i depict him to be some horrible person, i can only say how he makes me feel. and this is the person i think of when i think of him. so let me tell you friends, hes not that terrible of a person, because i do have random memories of him that make me smile. i just will have to dig a little deeper to remember them. i hope i dont forget them. i hope i dont find myself racking my brain one day trying to remember. and i hope he remembers one day, all that i've done for him. and THEM. sometimes i think all i do is gone unappreciated. i appreciate the thankyou card neeka sent me for simply throwing an after party. i appreciate that shes gonna love seeing blink and no doubt with me as will ryan, and they will never expect me to take them to anything else. and i appreciate that i can walk away from this never ending cycle with a smile on my face.
C. he probably won't truely realize what this means.
but i do. *and i hope you miss me. god i hope you'll miss me.*
because he probably wont ever see me again. and if we do see eachother, there wont be welcoming and outstreched arms.
infact i'll probably look at him and not think a single thing.
my mind will be blank and my feelings will be numb.
i wont get to see him at school.
i wont HAVE to see him anywhere
i hope he remembers WHO i am because i am not one to call
people up. and i dont apologize for anything i am not sorry for.
and generally. im not sorry for alot. maybe a few things here and there. but THIS i am not sorry for. :) so he says goodbye. and if he ever regrets it down the line. i hope he'll remember my number or something. but if not. i dont care. because here i am. living the life. i love it. i love this. and i love my best friends neeka and kristen ryan and steve. i love the pineapples. and i like him and going to the movies with him. he's carefree. he makes me feel care free. i dont care. i have who i have. and i love them.
and if you wanna be loved. then let me know and you can jump on the ban wagon with me. because its a funfilled hardworking life.
i do seem a little busy kids sorry, i'll return your messages on thursday, my day off. and i hope you'll understand. and if you want kids, let me know, and i'll make time for you. love you!
ps. thank you kristen for being proud of me i figured the conversation was something to suffice your boredom.
A.i'm ecstatic that i had that conversation and dont have one bad feeling about it because
1. he cant make me feel bad ever again, nope never.
his words dont hurt. and we dont have anything anymore.
B. he asked me to remember the good times. and yes, slap happy, i WILL try REAL hard to remember the good times because i'll keep the good memories close, and the horrible memories EVEN closer. because they're held near and dear to my heart. etched with a scar.
he thinks i depict him to be some horrible person, i can only say how he makes me feel. and this is the person i think of when i think of him. so let me tell you friends, hes not that terrible of a person, because i do have random memories of him that make me smile. i just will have to dig a little deeper to remember them. i hope i dont forget them. i hope i dont find myself racking my brain one day trying to remember. and i hope he remembers one day, all that i've done for him. and THEM. sometimes i think all i do is gone unappreciated. i appreciate the thankyou card neeka sent me for simply throwing an after party. i appreciate that shes gonna love seeing blink and no doubt with me as will ryan, and they will never expect me to take them to anything else. and i appreciate that i can walk away from this never ending cycle with a smile on my face.
C. he probably won't truely realize what this means.
but i do. *and i hope you miss me. god i hope you'll miss me.*
because he probably wont ever see me again. and if we do see eachother, there wont be welcoming and outstreched arms.
infact i'll probably look at him and not think a single thing.
my mind will be blank and my feelings will be numb.
i wont get to see him at school.
i wont HAVE to see him anywhere
i hope he remembers WHO i am because i am not one to call
people up. and i dont apologize for anything i am not sorry for.
and generally. im not sorry for alot. maybe a few things here and there. but THIS i am not sorry for. :) so he says goodbye. and if he ever regrets it down the line. i hope he'll remember my number or something. but if not. i dont care. because here i am. living the life. i love it. i love this. and i love my best friends neeka and kristen ryan and steve. i love the pineapples. and i like him and going to the movies with him. he's carefree. he makes me feel care free. i dont care. i have who i have. and i love them.
and if you wanna be loved. then let me know and you can jump on the ban wagon with me. because its a funfilled hardworking life.
i do seem a little busy kids sorry, i'll return your messages on thursday, my day off. and i hope you'll understand. and if you want kids, let me know, and i'll make time for you. love you!
ps. thank you kristen for being proud of me i figured the conversation was something to suffice your boredom.