Winter = Crabby
The past couple weeks are gradually taking their toll on me. Each day passes and I feel more overwhelmed and just down right crabby. Everything upsets me. Everything gets on my nerves. The simple little things: people being in our room when I want to sleep, buying food that people seem to think is the community stash, losing my London lighter (which seems stupid but it was a gift and it was my 'special' lighter), homework, stupid professors. I can't find anything to cheer my up anymore. I can't watch a movie or listen to a cd that seems to fit my mood or make me feel any better. I want to cry, but I can't. I don't know if its hormones, or winter, or stress, or what. I realize that most of my problem is just the way I view my world. But I can't seem to change my thoughts. Today, I started thinking about maybe going to see a therapist again. The guy I was seeing my junior year actually helped me a lot. He gave me suggestions that helped change the way I viewed things and behaved. The problem is that I don't want to go through the search for someone else I feel comfortable with. It took me a long time to begin to trust him, and I'd really like to just go back to him. But he works in the cities, and he no longer works at the clinic that my insurance covers. I'll probably just wait it out until winter is over and see if things look up. I'll be going home for a few days in a little over a week. That will help. I am beginning to hate everything about this place: the people, the rules, the buildings, the city. Everything but the fact that my classes are small enough for me to learn in. I don't want to transfer, but I don't want to stay here.