(no subject)
I don't know what to do with myself right now. Everything feels incredibly unreal. Everything feels like it's going well. But I'm painfully aware of how chaotic things really are. Didn't do so hot on my art history exam. Don't feel like I'm going to do so hot on my stats exam. Erin's gone, Zack's gone, Maddy's gone, Sean's gone, Stephanie's gone, Brian's gone, Bronwen will be gone, Kari is (for all intensive purposes at this point) gone. I, at least, know they are all still alive and well (which brings me some comfort). Every time I think of Dan I have to question whether that is true. It's as if my life has the spins. I don't know whether to smile and enjoy all the beautiful things in life, or to cry over all the horrible things in the world. The simple solution would be to focus more on my own life. Living day by day. But that seems so selfish. I feel this constant need to shut up and enjoy the small wonderful things; and at the same time, I feel as though I need to be out in the world trying to change the things I don't agree with. But where (between hockey, school, work, family, and friends) am I supposed to find time for that? I guess that's been my problem for almost a year now. I feel the pressure of all these obligations, yet see no possible way to fulfill all of them. I am in a perpetual state of being confused and overwhelmed. I don't see any of these things clearing up on their own. And I don't have even a clue as to how to beginning sorting them out.