Memory lane
Haha I was cleaning up after the party and I found my notebook from last year. It's dated from 4-29-04 to 6-17-04, so it's got some pretty interesting things in it. Things like, "I hate Leah", "I miss Joey", "Tina and I snuck out last night", "I'm staying the week at Lindsey's" and "Homeschool sucks". I'm glad I keep journals for this reason exactly, so I can find them later, read them, and think "Wow I remember that!"
There's also 10+ entries about how stressed about my mom I was. Here's a poem I wrote dated May 24th 2004. It's nothing beautiful, and there's no big words, but I think it's one of the better poems I've ever written, seeing as how I suck at writing them.
Haha I love the title
"Bullshit"
I hate today,
Yesterday hurt too.
I hate how things are going,
tomorrow wont be anything new.
I hate the shit you say to me,
and the way you push me around.
I hate the way I fake a smile,
and the way you put me down.
I hate the fucked up things I do for you,
and how I never even frown.
I hate how I always help you out,
just like a good kid would do.
But I what really fucking hate,
is how it's never good enough for you.
Wow. Thats pretty funny. I still kind of feel that way, frustrated about how I do everything and she still yells at me. But the difference between now and then is that I've realized that she's just menopausal. She's almost done with 'the big change' so I know things wont be like this much longer. I've also learned that she actually does appreciate the things I do.
What I love most is how nothing bad ever seems to bother me. I love how I kicked depression's ass, and I haven't even taken anti-depressants since June-ish. Damn, I'm good.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
There's also 10+ entries about how stressed about my mom I was. Here's a poem I wrote dated May 24th 2004. It's nothing beautiful, and there's no big words, but I think it's one of the better poems I've ever written, seeing as how I suck at writing them.
Haha I love the title
"Bullshit"
I hate today,
Yesterday hurt too.
I hate how things are going,
tomorrow wont be anything new.
I hate the shit you say to me,
and the way you push me around.
I hate the way I fake a smile,
and the way you put me down.
I hate the fucked up things I do for you,
and how I never even frown.
I hate how I always help you out,
just like a good kid would do.
But I what really fucking hate,
is how it's never good enough for you.
Wow. Thats pretty funny. I still kind of feel that way, frustrated about how I do everything and she still yells at me. But the difference between now and then is that I've realized that she's just menopausal. She's almost done with 'the big change' so I know things wont be like this much longer. I've also learned that she actually does appreciate the things I do.
What I love most is how nothing bad ever seems to bother me. I love how I kicked depression's ass, and I haven't even taken anti-depressants since June-ish. Damn, I'm good.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.