(no subject)
So this past week was pretty crazy in a cool kinda way. I passed my History class with a solid A.... I think I know what major I'll be settling on when I get to that point. Friday I went to see Dethklok live.... which was AWESOME! Dethklok is a fictional band from the show Metalocalypse, and they put a few extra guys together to take the 'band' on tour. I am retardedly obsessed with this show, it seems to have replaced House MD for me. I had run it to the wire in getting tickets, and thus they sold out before I could buy any. I scrambled for a few days hunting online- which there weren't even any on ebay or craigslist. My last resort was to wait for scalpers outside, but my dad suddenly remembered that one of his old coworkers from EMI works at the Wiltern too (where the show was playing). Thus not only did I get to go, but I got in for free, and all access seating- which meant I was in the lowest level at the very front in the pit. It was amazing. Soilent Green and Chimaira opened, and I ended up scoring a pick from a guitarist in Chimaira. Soilent Green was kinda "meh". They are talented for a metal band, but there's too many time signature change ups for you to really get into a live show. Chimaira was more of what I like to call radio friendly, in that their tempo's are very predictable but heavy enough to catch you. And of course, Dethklok was wonderfully brutal. I gave myself whiplash and a hoarse voice from my enthusiasm that night. It was well needed.
Next morning I met up with Dad, Anne Marie and Caitie to drive down to San Diego for a little family weekend getaway. We made decent time, checked in and went to the Zoo. We only got to spend a few hours there, and it was okay. Caitie had a sort of meltdown/panic attack while in the monkey trails. I think she just got herself worked up too much. That child doesn't not take no very well (look who's talking, right?) but she throws fits constantly when she doesn't get her way. I think she started with that, and then got caught up in her own hysteria. It's hard for me to watch, because I can't really say anything to Dad or Anne Marie along the lines of, "You know she's probably only acting like this because you always give into her and never draw boundaries?" First and foremost, it's not my place. And second of all it's the pot calling the kettle black. I know that's how I was as a child, for similar reasons... but it was such a struggle for me to break out of when I entered adulthood and I don't like the idea that they're setting up Caitie for a similar fight. Again, not my place so I just step back and watch, but it's hard to do.
After the zoo, we went to Little Italy and had the best effin' pizza ever. Undoubtedly, hands down, the best pizza probably in existence. And it was cheap. The four of us ate a whole pizza, with a salad and drinks, for under $30. And did I mention that this pizza was orgasmically good?
Next day: Seaworld. I was excited about this, considering I can't remember the last time I was there. It had to be at least 10 years ago, but regardless this was the most fun. Anne Marie booked us to have Breakfast with Shamu, which was utterly cool. They set up a dining area next to the tank, and they let 3 or 4 killer whales kick it and do tricks next to you while you eat. A trainer answers questions, and you're literally a few feet away from Shamu. It was humbling to say the least. We got in a few shows after that, and after seeing Cirque de la Mer I ran ahead and got us seats at the dolphin show. A few minutes after the rest of the crew met up with me and sat down, an employee comes up to Caitie and starts to ask her if she'd like to go meet a dolphin. Ended up she was pulling her in to the show itself! They do this skit where they have a trainer fill in as the mother, and bring in a father and kid from the audience. (The trainer mock-falls into the water and rides a dolphin) So they picked Caitie and my Dad! All she had to do was say her name into the mic, and how old she was... but even that much was iffy. Caitie is very shy with new people, and I didn't think she'd pull it off. She tends to clam up and get quiet when she feels insecure, and I thought that she'd freak out on stage with a thousand people watching her from the other side. I video taped the whole thing, and was so proud of her when she did it. They brought her center stage and let her pet and feed a dolphin... and get splashed by one which I thought again she'd break down, but she pulled through like a trooper. At one point the trainer on stage told her to put her hands up above her head, and dive into the water and swim on the dolphin's back. When she counted to three and Caitie didn't, everbody laughed... and apparently she grasped the situation because later that night she told Anne Marie "I can't dive in the water. I made everyone laugh." That child is developing such the personality, it's such a scary cool thing to watch happen. After leaving the show, we stopped by to look at the flamingo's. A lady asked Anne Marie to take a picture of her and her boyfriend, after which she did a double take and recognized Caitie saying "Oh hi, Caitie. We saw you on stage. You did a very good job!" Instant fame. In total we spent about 12 hours at Seaworld, and took in as much as we could. We all went back to the hotel dragging our feet and passed out. It was such a fun time.
I've been reflecting a bit on my personal issues lately, and what they focus on as opposed to what they used to. A few years ago I was dealing with all my family issues- how after the divorce things got fractured and I didn't know where I fit anymore. I didn't know how to make the scattered bits a part of my family identity, and I certainly felt like an outsider with my Dad and Anne Marie. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I go over there twice a week to babysit now, and have been doing at least once a week for over a year, but I have obviously found resolve in that area. I don't feel insecure about it anymore, I have my family unit with my Mom, and my inclusion with my Dad, Anne Marie, and Caitie. I don't feel lost anymore, or confused about my family identity. It's a quiet kind of pride to look back and realize what I've overcome, but at the same time lately I've been admittedly feeling very lonely. I've almost been single for a whole year, which is the longest I've ever gone since I had my first boyfriend at 14. The longest I think I went before this was 8 months, and that was between Adam and Jon. Though I have done a little dancing with Spencer, I've pulled back with the knowledge that I can't afford the distraction right now and even if that weren't the case, the distance would not make a relationship feasible. But with all that progress in mind, I've been getting kinda depressed about the fact that I am single. I have the urge to share with another person and find that connection again, and maybe it's because I've always had the illusion of it that I'm having some sort of intimacy withdrawls. I think the daunting part is that I know I wont be in the position for a relationship for a long time, and that means even more time of being alone. Why should that bother me so much? It's only a year out of my life that I have to take to get my career in order, and I feel like sacrificing potential relationships during that time will increase the likelihood of me dying alone. How extreme is that? So even though I'm over the family stuff, and the fact that I've grown enough self restraint to stay out of dysfunctional relathionships, I still have things to work through. Which is even more of a reason to stay single and work stuff out, but I'm getting morose about it.
Gah, I need to get to sleep. Gotta get up for more babysitting because my fixed income is NOT covering these ridiculous gas prices. I loathe our government.
Next morning I met up with Dad, Anne Marie and Caitie to drive down to San Diego for a little family weekend getaway. We made decent time, checked in and went to the Zoo. We only got to spend a few hours there, and it was okay. Caitie had a sort of meltdown/panic attack while in the monkey trails. I think she just got herself worked up too much. That child doesn't not take no very well (look who's talking, right?) but she throws fits constantly when she doesn't get her way. I think she started with that, and then got caught up in her own hysteria. It's hard for me to watch, because I can't really say anything to Dad or Anne Marie along the lines of, "You know she's probably only acting like this because you always give into her and never draw boundaries?" First and foremost, it's not my place. And second of all it's the pot calling the kettle black. I know that's how I was as a child, for similar reasons... but it was such a struggle for me to break out of when I entered adulthood and I don't like the idea that they're setting up Caitie for a similar fight. Again, not my place so I just step back and watch, but it's hard to do.
After the zoo, we went to Little Italy and had the best effin' pizza ever. Undoubtedly, hands down, the best pizza probably in existence. And it was cheap. The four of us ate a whole pizza, with a salad and drinks, for under $30. And did I mention that this pizza was orgasmically good?
Next day: Seaworld. I was excited about this, considering I can't remember the last time I was there. It had to be at least 10 years ago, but regardless this was the most fun. Anne Marie booked us to have Breakfast with Shamu, which was utterly cool. They set up a dining area next to the tank, and they let 3 or 4 killer whales kick it and do tricks next to you while you eat. A trainer answers questions, and you're literally a few feet away from Shamu. It was humbling to say the least. We got in a few shows after that, and after seeing Cirque de la Mer I ran ahead and got us seats at the dolphin show. A few minutes after the rest of the crew met up with me and sat down, an employee comes up to Caitie and starts to ask her if she'd like to go meet a dolphin. Ended up she was pulling her in to the show itself! They do this skit where they have a trainer fill in as the mother, and bring in a father and kid from the audience. (The trainer mock-falls into the water and rides a dolphin) So they picked Caitie and my Dad! All she had to do was say her name into the mic, and how old she was... but even that much was iffy. Caitie is very shy with new people, and I didn't think she'd pull it off. She tends to clam up and get quiet when she feels insecure, and I thought that she'd freak out on stage with a thousand people watching her from the other side. I video taped the whole thing, and was so proud of her when she did it. They brought her center stage and let her pet and feed a dolphin... and get splashed by one which I thought again she'd break down, but she pulled through like a trooper. At one point the trainer on stage told her to put her hands up above her head, and dive into the water and swim on the dolphin's back. When she counted to three and Caitie didn't, everbody laughed... and apparently she grasped the situation because later that night she told Anne Marie "I can't dive in the water. I made everyone laugh." That child is developing such the personality, it's such a scary cool thing to watch happen. After leaving the show, we stopped by to look at the flamingo's. A lady asked Anne Marie to take a picture of her and her boyfriend, after which she did a double take and recognized Caitie saying "Oh hi, Caitie. We saw you on stage. You did a very good job!" Instant fame. In total we spent about 12 hours at Seaworld, and took in as much as we could. We all went back to the hotel dragging our feet and passed out. It was such a fun time.
I've been reflecting a bit on my personal issues lately, and what they focus on as opposed to what they used to. A few years ago I was dealing with all my family issues- how after the divorce things got fractured and I didn't know where I fit anymore. I didn't know how to make the scattered bits a part of my family identity, and I certainly felt like an outsider with my Dad and Anne Marie. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I go over there twice a week to babysit now, and have been doing at least once a week for over a year, but I have obviously found resolve in that area. I don't feel insecure about it anymore, I have my family unit with my Mom, and my inclusion with my Dad, Anne Marie, and Caitie. I don't feel lost anymore, or confused about my family identity. It's a quiet kind of pride to look back and realize what I've overcome, but at the same time lately I've been admittedly feeling very lonely. I've almost been single for a whole year, which is the longest I've ever gone since I had my first boyfriend at 14. The longest I think I went before this was 8 months, and that was between Adam and Jon. Though I have done a little dancing with Spencer, I've pulled back with the knowledge that I can't afford the distraction right now and even if that weren't the case, the distance would not make a relationship feasible. But with all that progress in mind, I've been getting kinda depressed about the fact that I am single. I have the urge to share with another person and find that connection again, and maybe it's because I've always had the illusion of it that I'm having some sort of intimacy withdrawls. I think the daunting part is that I know I wont be in the position for a relationship for a long time, and that means even more time of being alone. Why should that bother me so much? It's only a year out of my life that I have to take to get my career in order, and I feel like sacrificing potential relationships during that time will increase the likelihood of me dying alone. How extreme is that? So even though I'm over the family stuff, and the fact that I've grown enough self restraint to stay out of dysfunctional relathionships, I still have things to work through. Which is even more of a reason to stay single and work stuff out, but I'm getting morose about it.
Gah, I need to get to sleep. Gotta get up for more babysitting because my fixed income is NOT covering these ridiculous gas prices. I loathe our government.