Thanksgiving Holiday, et al.
I'm sitting at the airport, waiting for my flight. Dreading, is a better word for it. The trip up to Albuquerque was not fun. Between "Get out and exercise" and "Have you called Norm yet?" my mother threw in "You'll be back in three weeks." Immediately my heartbeat goes up. Immediately I begin to get that slight panic feeling I know I'll have for the next three weeks. So interspersed between my log of what I did during this full week of being in New Mexico, you'll see the return of the current me. The edgy and easily angered one. The jealous and despairing one. Ahhhhh, to be home again, lol.
I miss Libby. :-) The last week I've been really easily made to tear up and today is no different. I have not called Kristin to see how she was. I was also supposed to call Norm, a friend of my mother's who has connections in both Dallas and Albuquerque. That's who my mom has been bugging me to call. She hit it on the head when she said as we were nearing the Los Lunas exit on I-25 that the reason I haven't called him is because I don't like starting things. I don't. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of finding more of the same reaction to the prospect of me: not qualified, wrongly qualified and that overall sense of not really being an ... a... the right fit.
Jose is coming over tomorrow. I've got chicharrones, chile meat, potatoes, tamales and chile... my only failsafe way to have him over. I'm still the same with him as I am with everyone. I'm despairing, I'm upset with my situation. But with him... I smile and laugh and try to get him to do the same.
Ok, so the vacation... I got in Monday night and went home with dad. Leslie and Jana had been home since Friday night and so when I got home, we pretty much just hung out with the family and Jared, Jana's boyfriend. He's a cool little kid. Reminds me of how my dad might have been when he was younger. Quiet, funny, a smile that lights up his face. What I like best, as a single older sister is that he's not like Jared-brother... he doesn't do a lot of PDA. God bless a boy who can control himself in front of his inlawish-family. ... Was about to saay I envy him, but, heh, I think I could manage to have that mount of self control. :-D
Tuesday night I went with Annette to meet Alice to go out. I'm not sure why I was in a not-good mood, but it probably had to do with two things: catching up with Annette gave me the chance to vent and India called me three times with questions. Once when we were at Alice's and twice at one of the bars. Yes. YES. They called. Bryan called too, but only on Monday as I was waiting for my plane. I HOPE TO GOD that it was uneventful for him.
So we hung out at two bars. At the second bar, one of Alice's friends came and hung out. He brought another friend. We played pool and air hockey and caught up. Then when the bars closed we went back to Allies and hung out for a bit. Watched some tv and froze. New Mexico has been freezing all week. (Record winds Sunday and today. All flights are delayed because of it.) I slept on the couch and Allie and Annette slept on her bed until Rob came over early in the morning for a quick visit. My hair looked super awesome both before and after sleeping (am awesome ha).
Wednesday I had promised to both help make the tamales and take my tata to his doctor appointment in Albuquerque. Alice, Annette and I went to Java Joe's. This is the second time 've been there and although I've got the same thing twice, I am very much in love with that place. We had breakfast (coffee/pancakes for Annette, coffee/smothered omelet for Alice and chai tea/veggie bagel sandwich for me) and then Annette and I drove back. About a half hour after I got home (I missed helping with the tamales and was told I was on Pie Duty later that night) my tata and I left again for Albuquerque. We took his 1992 white Ford Escort and left. My tata is still sharp as a whip. I mean, he doesn't know all the newer things that go on around him, but man does he have a memory. We talked about nana and how she's getting worse (he had to remind her what my dad's name was and that I lived in Dallas). We talked about how he's proud of me and that he hopes that Jared, with his degree, doesn't settle for a $10/hr job. We talked about World War II and the 15 hour trips on boats that he never got over his sea-sickness. That he was a first seargeant... one arrow, showing me where it belonged. It was then that I noticed he had a "World War II Veteran" baseball hat on. He told me about Germany. How "those people were so poor". How he bought cigarettes from the army for $1 and sold them for $20. How they weren't allowed to stomp out a cigarette and leave it in the dirt because it would attract them to scavenge. I didn't ask him if he killed anyone. I once tried that with my Uncle Pinky who came back disabled from Vietnam. He told me about how he almost got sent to "Japon" but the war ended before they sent him. How he had to go and retrieve all American contraband from those he and others had sold to. How they had it stored everywhere. He was in Germany for six years. Maybe you need a picture of my tata. He weighs 97 lbs. Wore a suit jacket, his belt buckle with pictures of horses on it, a bolo tie and a nice shirt tucked into his jeans that hold no butt. His glasses are bifocals and they are the kind that darken in the light but never fully lighten indoors. He's a joker and worked many labor-intensive jobs in his life. Was picking up bales and feeding cows up until a few years ago. :-). He rarely complains and when he does it's a sound, not words and whining... though my nana does enough for both of them. That makes me so upset with myself. At how much I complain and expect.
Anyhow. We get to the hospital where his doctor appointment is. He's meeting with Dr. Kundeling, what I suppose is a Blood Pressure specialist... that or a kidney specialist. Tata is so thankful for his insurance. It only costs him $125 for it and for what medicare doesn't pay, the insurance does. We get there early and fill out paperwork. He recognizes some people from Belen and has a small conversation with them. So popular :-). We get called relatively soon and the nurse weighs him (he lost 10 lbs, always trying to put more weight on) and we get put in a room to wait. We wait and talk some more about jobs he's had and nana's condition and if he'll put her in a home. We talk about Uncle Pio and how his last days were with Alzheimer's. I tell him how I learned that Alzheimer's and Diabetes are linked. He asks how my diabetes is doing. We talk about his dad and all his cousins. He had 14 brothers and sisters. We talk about neighbors and he starts noticing that we've been sitting there waiting for a long time. I start getting upset, as I've a penchant to do, and go mention to the receptionist that we've been waiting 45 minutes. She says, and I love her for it, that if the doctor isn't in soon, she'll punch him for me. Literally said "punch him". I go back and try to remain calm for another 5 minutes. The doctor comes in before my fuse is up and spends all of 5 minutes with my tata. My tata starts talking about the matanza we're going to have this weekend and the doctor gets antsy, wanting to leave. I could have punched him myself. We leave, sans incident, and stop for KFC for him and nana. By the time we're in Belen my mom calls me to say that nana is worried. Where are we, etc. She doesn't like to be out after dark because they don't drive very well. Nana has taken to using a cane in the last two years or so. Two miles from home, mom calls again, saying nana is worried. We get home and she's waiting at the door. She makes some joke in spanish about us galavanting everywhere... we've been gone for 4 hours. I tell tata how good of a time I had. It was wonderful and I'm over here on the plane tearing up. That was a good day. I got home, ate two green chile tamales and helped make pies. My head was really not in it... I think because of the lack of food, what with the trip and all. I was pretty much useless, but helped make the pie crusts and make the topping for the cheesecakes. Jana, Jared-boyfriend and Leslie went to a movie. Jared and me stayed home. Jared did most of the pies, thankfully and didn't complain... much.
Thanksgiving was good. Went to church... wait... did we? Now I'm not so sure. In any case.... no we didn't... just remembered. Grandpa and Aunty Vick came over. Nana and tata were supposed to come but they went to Aunty Angie's instead. We watched the Cowboy game and ate and ate. Looked over the ads and didn't see anything that really necessitated going and dealing with the early morning crowds.
Friday, went shopping a little bit with mom and Leslie. Bought a present for Jared, that's about it. Came home and ground up the blue corn for the burritos. That was fun. Went to visit Aunty Angie and saw Aunty Laura that morning to pick up stuff for the matanza. Aunty Angie and James came over to help us grind the corn for the masa.
Saturday started early. I'd found out sometime earlier in the week that the pig was already dead. That took a lot of fun out of the matanza. Childhood memories of getting up on the haystack to get a good seat to see them get in there and kill the pig had to satisfy. Jokes about how I was glad I didn't go buy footy pajamas were all I had. My dad had taken the 450-lb pig to a butcher. He skinned and killed the pig. We bought extra chicharrones. So. early in the morning, I got up and started making sure all the men that came to help had everything they needed. Coffee and such. The wine was brought out early, lol. The usual men that always help out got there by about 7am and began cutting up the meat/fat for the chicharrones. My uncle Fermin, cousin Danny, uncle Louie, grandpa, and others were there. I get so proud of those men... most of whom don't really well up pride on any other occasion. But they know their place at a matanza and only need to be told when to be there. Dad's friend Darryl and his son came really early too, as did my mom's cousin Jeff. Later on, the aunt's showed up and started making the masa for the burritos and the red chile for the chile meat. I helped make sure all the men had what they needed and they aunt's got ready making the burritos. My cousin Robert handled the grill and before I knew it the liver was done. I served myself a whole burrito of the meat until I took a bite and remembered. HA. After that bite my burrito was all tortilla. Started bragging about how I like tongue so much more, lol, and all the cousins chimed in. Soon after that some of the chicharrones were ready for the blue-corn burritos so I helped my aunts (Laura, Elfa and Vicki Anne-- le SIGH) make them for everyone. You have to make the masa into a patty that gets made into a tortilla on the stove, then they get the still hot tortilla in a towel, fill it with chicharrones, chile and onions and them pack it into a ball. They're always a hit and always worth the effort. Cousins from California said how they'd been to matanzas but never had a "burrrrrito". Told them, then they'd never been to a REAL matanza. They didn't get it. Anyhow. I guess it's old school. The food kept coming out for the next 3 hours and people ate and ate and ate. Everyone pretty much left except Jared's friends before 8. Jared's friends stayed over. All in all it was a good time. Mom, me and Aunty Vick played 31 with Tom, her new "friend". He seems really really nice and doesn't take him OR her too seriously. ALWAYS a good thing. She drives me batty. Mom said that it was good. Didn't have any incidents, so Whooohooo.
Sunday... church and said bye to Leslie and Jana. Was CRAZY WINDY/COLD.
Today, I stayed home and took my time getting ready. Picked my mom up from work and drove into Alb. And now it feels like we've begun decending.
Am reading In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner. "Except she'd always harbored the secret hope that someday, somebody would tell er that she was beautiful, a man who'd slide her hair out its ponytail, slip her glasses off her face and look at her like she was Helen of Troy. It was on eo fht emain reasons she'd never gotten contacts."
Jose just called. He stayed late at work. I'm supposed to call him when I get in.
I'm so worried about how I'll act with everyone at work. I'm worried about all the work that needs to get done in the next three weeks. I'm worried about everything.
Got test results back from doctor. Triglicerides have spiked up. Need to research what they are and what to do. I'd say it's all the fast food, but my LDL and HDL were either the same or better. A1c was 6.3 ... a little worse than last time. I know what I should be doing. I'll start doing it again.
Ok. Hope your holiday was good. Looking back at what I've written, I had a really good trip. I just need to make the next three weeks at work efficient and ... pleasant ... smooth.
I miss Libby. :-) The last week I've been really easily made to tear up and today is no different. I have not called Kristin to see how she was. I was also supposed to call Norm, a friend of my mother's who has connections in both Dallas and Albuquerque. That's who my mom has been bugging me to call. She hit it on the head when she said as we were nearing the Los Lunas exit on I-25 that the reason I haven't called him is because I don't like starting things. I don't. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of finding more of the same reaction to the prospect of me: not qualified, wrongly qualified and that overall sense of not really being an ... a... the right fit.
Jose is coming over tomorrow. I've got chicharrones, chile meat, potatoes, tamales and chile... my only failsafe way to have him over. I'm still the same with him as I am with everyone. I'm despairing, I'm upset with my situation. But with him... I smile and laugh and try to get him to do the same.
Ok, so the vacation... I got in Monday night and went home with dad. Leslie and Jana had been home since Friday night and so when I got home, we pretty much just hung out with the family and Jared, Jana's boyfriend. He's a cool little kid. Reminds me of how my dad might have been when he was younger. Quiet, funny, a smile that lights up his face. What I like best, as a single older sister is that he's not like Jared-brother... he doesn't do a lot of PDA. God bless a boy who can control himself in front of his inlawish-family. ... Was about to saay I envy him, but, heh, I think I could manage to have that mount of self control. :-D
Tuesday night I went with Annette to meet Alice to go out. I'm not sure why I was in a not-good mood, but it probably had to do with two things: catching up with Annette gave me the chance to vent and India called me three times with questions. Once when we were at Alice's and twice at one of the bars. Yes. YES. They called. Bryan called too, but only on Monday as I was waiting for my plane. I HOPE TO GOD that it was uneventful for him.
So we hung out at two bars. At the second bar, one of Alice's friends came and hung out. He brought another friend. We played pool and air hockey and caught up. Then when the bars closed we went back to Allies and hung out for a bit. Watched some tv and froze. New Mexico has been freezing all week. (Record winds Sunday and today. All flights are delayed because of it.) I slept on the couch and Allie and Annette slept on her bed until Rob came over early in the morning for a quick visit. My hair looked super awesome both before and after sleeping (am awesome ha).
Wednesday I had promised to both help make the tamales and take my tata to his doctor appointment in Albuquerque. Alice, Annette and I went to Java Joe's. This is the second time 've been there and although I've got the same thing twice, I am very much in love with that place. We had breakfast (coffee/pancakes for Annette, coffee/smothered omelet for Alice and chai tea/veggie bagel sandwich for me) and then Annette and I drove back. About a half hour after I got home (I missed helping with the tamales and was told I was on Pie Duty later that night) my tata and I left again for Albuquerque. We took his 1992 white Ford Escort and left. My tata is still sharp as a whip. I mean, he doesn't know all the newer things that go on around him, but man does he have a memory. We talked about nana and how she's getting worse (he had to remind her what my dad's name was and that I lived in Dallas). We talked about how he's proud of me and that he hopes that Jared, with his degree, doesn't settle for a $10/hr job. We talked about World War II and the 15 hour trips on boats that he never got over his sea-sickness. That he was a first seargeant... one arrow, showing me where it belonged. It was then that I noticed he had a "World War II Veteran" baseball hat on. He told me about Germany. How "those people were so poor". How he bought cigarettes from the army for $1 and sold them for $20. How they weren't allowed to stomp out a cigarette and leave it in the dirt because it would attract them to scavenge. I didn't ask him if he killed anyone. I once tried that with my Uncle Pinky who came back disabled from Vietnam. He told me about how he almost got sent to "Japon" but the war ended before they sent him. How he had to go and retrieve all American contraband from those he and others had sold to. How they had it stored everywhere. He was in Germany for six years. Maybe you need a picture of my tata. He weighs 97 lbs. Wore a suit jacket, his belt buckle with pictures of horses on it, a bolo tie and a nice shirt tucked into his jeans that hold no butt. His glasses are bifocals and they are the kind that darken in the light but never fully lighten indoors. He's a joker and worked many labor-intensive jobs in his life. Was picking up bales and feeding cows up until a few years ago. :-). He rarely complains and when he does it's a sound, not words and whining... though my nana does enough for both of them. That makes me so upset with myself. At how much I complain and expect.
Anyhow. We get to the hospital where his doctor appointment is. He's meeting with Dr. Kundeling, what I suppose is a Blood Pressure specialist... that or a kidney specialist. Tata is so thankful for his insurance. It only costs him $125 for it and for what medicare doesn't pay, the insurance does. We get there early and fill out paperwork. He recognizes some people from Belen and has a small conversation with them. So popular :-). We get called relatively soon and the nurse weighs him (he lost 10 lbs, always trying to put more weight on) and we get put in a room to wait. We wait and talk some more about jobs he's had and nana's condition and if he'll put her in a home. We talk about Uncle Pio and how his last days were with Alzheimer's. I tell him how I learned that Alzheimer's and Diabetes are linked. He asks how my diabetes is doing. We talk about his dad and all his cousins. He had 14 brothers and sisters. We talk about neighbors and he starts noticing that we've been sitting there waiting for a long time. I start getting upset, as I've a penchant to do, and go mention to the receptionist that we've been waiting 45 minutes. She says, and I love her for it, that if the doctor isn't in soon, she'll punch him for me. Literally said "punch him". I go back and try to remain calm for another 5 minutes. The doctor comes in before my fuse is up and spends all of 5 minutes with my tata. My tata starts talking about the matanza we're going to have this weekend and the doctor gets antsy, wanting to leave. I could have punched him myself. We leave, sans incident, and stop for KFC for him and nana. By the time we're in Belen my mom calls me to say that nana is worried. Where are we, etc. She doesn't like to be out after dark because they don't drive very well. Nana has taken to using a cane in the last two years or so. Two miles from home, mom calls again, saying nana is worried. We get home and she's waiting at the door. She makes some joke in spanish about us galavanting everywhere... we've been gone for 4 hours. I tell tata how good of a time I had. It was wonderful and I'm over here on the plane tearing up. That was a good day. I got home, ate two green chile tamales and helped make pies. My head was really not in it... I think because of the lack of food, what with the trip and all. I was pretty much useless, but helped make the pie crusts and make the topping for the cheesecakes. Jana, Jared-boyfriend and Leslie went to a movie. Jared and me stayed home. Jared did most of the pies, thankfully and didn't complain... much.
Thanksgiving was good. Went to church... wait... did we? Now I'm not so sure. In any case.... no we didn't... just remembered. Grandpa and Aunty Vick came over. Nana and tata were supposed to come but they went to Aunty Angie's instead. We watched the Cowboy game and ate and ate. Looked over the ads and didn't see anything that really necessitated going and dealing with the early morning crowds.
Friday, went shopping a little bit with mom and Leslie. Bought a present for Jared, that's about it. Came home and ground up the blue corn for the burritos. That was fun. Went to visit Aunty Angie and saw Aunty Laura that morning to pick up stuff for the matanza. Aunty Angie and James came over to help us grind the corn for the masa.
Saturday started early. I'd found out sometime earlier in the week that the pig was already dead. That took a lot of fun out of the matanza. Childhood memories of getting up on the haystack to get a good seat to see them get in there and kill the pig had to satisfy. Jokes about how I was glad I didn't go buy footy pajamas were all I had. My dad had taken the 450-lb pig to a butcher. He skinned and killed the pig. We bought extra chicharrones. So. early in the morning, I got up and started making sure all the men that came to help had everything they needed. Coffee and such. The wine was brought out early, lol. The usual men that always help out got there by about 7am and began cutting up the meat/fat for the chicharrones. My uncle Fermin, cousin Danny, uncle Louie, grandpa, and others were there. I get so proud of those men... most of whom don't really well up pride on any other occasion. But they know their place at a matanza and only need to be told when to be there. Dad's friend Darryl and his son came really early too, as did my mom's cousin Jeff. Later on, the aunt's showed up and started making the masa for the burritos and the red chile for the chile meat. I helped make sure all the men had what they needed and they aunt's got ready making the burritos. My cousin Robert handled the grill and before I knew it the liver was done. I served myself a whole burrito of the meat until I took a bite and remembered. HA. After that bite my burrito was all tortilla. Started bragging about how I like tongue so much more, lol, and all the cousins chimed in. Soon after that some of the chicharrones were ready for the blue-corn burritos so I helped my aunts (Laura, Elfa and Vicki Anne-- le SIGH) make them for everyone. You have to make the masa into a patty that gets made into a tortilla on the stove, then they get the still hot tortilla in a towel, fill it with chicharrones, chile and onions and them pack it into a ball. They're always a hit and always worth the effort. Cousins from California said how they'd been to matanzas but never had a "burrrrrito". Told them, then they'd never been to a REAL matanza. They didn't get it. Anyhow. I guess it's old school. The food kept coming out for the next 3 hours and people ate and ate and ate. Everyone pretty much left except Jared's friends before 8. Jared's friends stayed over. All in all it was a good time. Mom, me and Aunty Vick played 31 with Tom, her new "friend". He seems really really nice and doesn't take him OR her too seriously. ALWAYS a good thing. She drives me batty. Mom said that it was good. Didn't have any incidents, so Whooohooo.
Sunday... church and said bye to Leslie and Jana. Was CRAZY WINDY/COLD.
Today, I stayed home and took my time getting ready. Picked my mom up from work and drove into Alb. And now it feels like we've begun decending.
Am reading In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner. "Except she'd always harbored the secret hope that someday, somebody would tell er that she was beautiful, a man who'd slide her hair out its ponytail, slip her glasses off her face and look at her like she was Helen of Troy. It was on eo fht emain reasons she'd never gotten contacts."
Jose just called. He stayed late at work. I'm supposed to call him when I get in.
I'm so worried about how I'll act with everyone at work. I'm worried about all the work that needs to get done in the next three weeks. I'm worried about everything.
Got test results back from doctor. Triglicerides have spiked up. Need to research what they are and what to do. I'd say it's all the fast food, but my LDL and HDL were either the same or better. A1c was 6.3 ... a little worse than last time. I know what I should be doing. I'll start doing it again.
Ok. Hope your holiday was good. Looking back at what I've written, I had a really good trip. I just need to make the next three weeks at work efficient and ... pleasant ... smooth.