fork in the road
i have come to a time in my life where decisions need to be made. One route the way seems pretty straight forward. It is the way i have worked towards for the last 4-5 years of my life. It is safe. It is to stay here, continue my life, wondering when it is going to change. There are a few twists and turns in this path like going back to school. But i have grown tired here. Restless. Then the other way that i can see. It is a path of great risk and potential great rewards and failures. I am not going to like i want to do this but i fear it at the same time. Why wouldn't i though??? I would be completely relocating to Boston far away from the security of my friends and family. If i fail there will be no one to bail me out and i would fall flat on my face. If i succeed though there is great promise in Boston. It is a city that i completely adore and enjoy, there are so many college opportunities, a fresh new start at life, and a chance to make new friends and bring good friends even closer. There is a possible chance at a lady as well. But i dont know if i even like to factor that in my thought process but i feel i should. The reason i dont want to is because i am not even 100% sure of things with her. If she even would want a romantic type of relationship with me. But at the same time if she did and i didn't make a move then i could be really kicking myself for years to come. She makes me laugh more than anyone i know, she is smart, wild, but at the same time normal enough. She reminds me of myself in a way but much more attractive and pretty. I am not the type of guy to even think on these lines so for this to be happening is fucking with my head as well. I dont know what to do honestly. There are many more reasons why i would like to relocate to Boston she is just the icing on the cake if everything goes well. But we all know that plans often go astray. So my decision that has been weighing heavy on my mind for probably a year now has actually gained some momentum in favor of leaving. But at the same time i feel it is almost a tie. Stay here where you are safe and decently successful or risk all that you have worked for, for the chance at something better. My dad always told me that with great risk comes great opportunities and that is certainly true. He also would say that nothing is easy, it has to be hard or everyone would do it, that sometimes in life you have to make hard decisions to go to the places you really want to go. Thats what it all boils down to. Are you a play it safe kind of guy who never takes a real risk in life. Or are you the bet the house kind of guy who knows that the only way to become truly happy is to put everything on the line for the chance to achieve your goals and dreams. I have always said that i hate "what ifs". I prefer to live my life the way i want to that way i can never look back and have any regrets by asking "what if". Now its time to walk the walk and lets see what kind of balls i really have. She is coming to visit in november and i hope i will have a better understanding of things after that to make this decision....