(no subject)
Taking quietdarkness's suggestion...
ADVICE FOR MOVING TO OKLAHOMA
1) Yes, there are traffic lights. Plural. Do not be surprised to see them, but also don't be too surprised to see the locals ignore them.
2) If another driver waves at you, they're not being friendly. That means they're about to cut you off. Be prepared.
3) Don't wear any red-orange or vermillion colored item of clothing, or any item that refers to Texas into any bar during the month of October. Dallas Cowboys apparel is fine, any month other than October.
4) About the month of October... the proper response to any unintelligible question posed to you in any bar is "Boomer Sooner!" then, slowly back away. These people are very likely armed.
5) If the menu refers to "gravy", with no adjectives, expect it to be cream gravy, probably with bits of sausage left over from the breakfast menu in it. If you want what is referred to as "gravy" in most of the rest of the country, ask for "brown gravy", but be prepared for some funny looks. And for it to be unavailable.
6) There are, indeed, four distinct seasons. Summer, Tornado Season, Football Season, and February.
7) A "Tornado Watch" means that spring has sprung, and everything will soon be covered in a fine, sticky, yellow film. The "Tornado Watch" will expire sometime in November. Maybe.
8) A "Tornado Warning" means it's time to break out the lawn chairs and ice chests, and climb up on the roof to watch the free show.
9) If the air turns green and you hear the sound of an approaching freight train, that means it's time to climb off the roof. Unless you live near the railroad tracks, then, carry on.
10) Yes, we do call that "beer". Quit complaining, it's cheap so you can afford to drink more, and you can buy it in any convenience store. (Unless you're in a dry county.)
11) Horizontal rain is not a sign of any impending apocalypse.
12) Neither is softball sized hail. Spring is a good time to find a deal at the car lots.
13) No, the corn is not as high as an elephant's eye. That would be Kansas.
14) Kansas is where we go to buy lottery tickets. Missouri is where we go to buy six point Budweiser. They come to Oklahoma to buy fireworks that are regarded as small munitions most other places.
15) They're probably kidding you about the giant sandworms. But not about the jumping spiders.
*Bonus Tulsa-specific tips*
1) Yes, that man is towing a giant inflatable penis on a little cart behind his bicycle. He is a mayoral candidate. Don't stop and stare, it marks you as a tourist.
2) No, the giant hands are not a tribute to Montgomery Burns. And we know that building next to them looks like a spaceship.
ADVICE FOR MOVING TO OKLAHOMA
1) Yes, there are traffic lights. Plural. Do not be surprised to see them, but also don't be too surprised to see the locals ignore them.
2) If another driver waves at you, they're not being friendly. That means they're about to cut you off. Be prepared.
3) Don't wear any red-orange or vermillion colored item of clothing, or any item that refers to Texas into any bar during the month of October. Dallas Cowboys apparel is fine, any month other than October.
4) About the month of October... the proper response to any unintelligible question posed to you in any bar is "Boomer Sooner!" then, slowly back away. These people are very likely armed.
5) If the menu refers to "gravy", with no adjectives, expect it to be cream gravy, probably with bits of sausage left over from the breakfast menu in it. If you want what is referred to as "gravy" in most of the rest of the country, ask for "brown gravy", but be prepared for some funny looks. And for it to be unavailable.
6) There are, indeed, four distinct seasons. Summer, Tornado Season, Football Season, and February.
7) A "Tornado Watch" means that spring has sprung, and everything will soon be covered in a fine, sticky, yellow film. The "Tornado Watch" will expire sometime in November. Maybe.
8) A "Tornado Warning" means it's time to break out the lawn chairs and ice chests, and climb up on the roof to watch the free show.
9) If the air turns green and you hear the sound of an approaching freight train, that means it's time to climb off the roof. Unless you live near the railroad tracks, then, carry on.
10) Yes, we do call that "beer". Quit complaining, it's cheap so you can afford to drink more, and you can buy it in any convenience store. (Unless you're in a dry county.)
11) Horizontal rain is not a sign of any impending apocalypse.
12) Neither is softball sized hail. Spring is a good time to find a deal at the car lots.
13) No, the corn is not as high as an elephant's eye. That would be Kansas.
14) Kansas is where we go to buy lottery tickets. Missouri is where we go to buy six point Budweiser. They come to Oklahoma to buy fireworks that are regarded as small munitions most other places.
15) They're probably kidding you about the giant sandworms. But not about the jumping spiders.
*Bonus Tulsa-specific tips*
1) Yes, that man is towing a giant inflatable penis on a little cart behind his bicycle. He is a mayoral candidate. Don't stop and stare, it marks you as a tourist.
2) No, the giant hands are not a tribute to Montgomery Burns. And we know that building next to them looks like a spaceship.