as i sit down to do homework tonight...
i decided, "Fuck it, at least for tonight." It's supposed to be my spring break, and i haven't really had the actual "break" part of it thus far. Scratch that, I did take the day off yesterday and spent some time outside of my books. I shall share that shortly.
When I got here to Starbucks to engage in my usual nightly study sessions, I realized, "WTF am i doing? this is supposed to be my spring break, and I'm STILL killing myself with this schedule like there was no break. I've been waking up tired and SUPER early, and STILL running through my schedule. Enough."
Thankfully, I have my laptop with me and I can at least get on the interwebs. I think i've been using my busy schedule as an outlet, as I am upset/stressed over a few things in my life right now, which most of you know is the visa situation. I feel VERY ANGRY AND UPSET that i can't goddamn work as a RN because there's a visa backlog that moves slower than snails having sex. I feel like my chance to move on with my life on my own terms has been ground to a screeching halt again.
Another MAJOR stressor for me is that I am SO tired of having to be financially dependent on my parents. For those unaware, an international student visa requires that i pay out-of-state/nonresident fees, which are basically 3 times more expensive than what a regular student would pay. If i don't take the international student route, i basically have to leave the country. This visa thing really affects my sense of accomplishment in terms of my profession. I CAN'T work as a RN until i get that stupid-ass permission from the immigration service. There are no hospitals that will allow me to volunteer as a nurse, their volunteers are basically unskilled staff who hang out and talk to patients. I didn't warp my brain for 3 years just so i can "volunteer" I feel like I am getting left behind in terms of gaining experience needed for when i go for advanced practice.
Whew...i needed to talk about that. It has been eating at me for a while, i talk about it, but it does come back in waves. it's one of those things where you just stop talking about it for long periods of time because when it comes up, you get really upset and it's hard to get your mind off of it.
before i forget, mblj!!! i got your voicemail, im sorry i havent called back. in fact, i didn't recognize your number, your # was one of the few that missed the transfer when my Palm Centro got damaged. Thanks tho, it was really nice to hear from you. email me your number again, or shoot me a text.
i chatted with kj66 briefly last week, which was cool since he is another one of the folks aside from mblj that i have been meaning to get in touch with for a while. he kinda spurred me to take up updating again, even if it's sporadic. i think part of the reason i have not been able to manage my stress as well as i usually do is because i don't have a verbal outlet of sorts for it anymore. I think it'll help if i hash out my thoughts on here, at least i can take them out of my head.
So, yesterday was a great day! i had only intended on doing homework, working with Lester and then going to see my friend and his parents for dinner that night. I accomplished the homework for sure! and I also spontaneously decided to hang out with Kevin, a guy i met recently and have been talking with/hanging out with. there's a mutual interest, but we're both in the same place wherein we're not quite ready for the serious route, but we enjoy each other's company. which is fine, he has a lot goin on with his life (and a possible move to San Francisco), and as you all know, i have tons goin on with me too. he's very nice, has a sarcastic/dark sense of humor, and to top it off, handsome as hell. anyway, i drove down to his area, we went for lunch, then headed to the coffee shop where he worked on some character designs, while i looked over journal articles for a term paper. it was a LOT of fun, we both got stuff done, and it was just plain nice to hang out. although i didn't want to leave, i had to negotiate traffic from manhattan beach into west hollywood to meet my friend Jason and his parents.
I actually made it to west hollywood MUCH sooner than i was expecting, considering i detoured thinking i had time to stop by the house beforehand. Jason decided that he'd bring his parents to Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary's, LOL. the hostess was able to seat us at the last minute, considering it was packed. she was SUPER cool, i will have to thank her again when i stop by the place. Anyway, none of us won anything, but it was awesome to finally meet Jason's parents. They had SO much fun, and it was so cool to get to know them despite the ruckus. I do feel a bit envious of Jason cuz my parents will NEVER be accepting of me and my friends. While I have made my peace with the idea that my parents will never change their views on GLBTs, i still occasionally mourn that loss. anyway, his parents are a riot, at some point, we were chucking our crumpled up bingo cards at jason instead of at the winner, LOL. His sisters (who happen to be twins) will be out here in May. i'm definitely looking forward to that too, and they're specifically flying in on the day of Drag Queen Bingo, LOL. I got home around 11pm (i had been gone since noon), but it was well worth it. I got to spend time with Kevin, and even squeezed in friends time.
so yeah, that was day off yesterday, i haven't had one in a LONG time, it was nice to just unwind and do stuff for ME. Kevin is driving up to San Francisco this weekend, while another friend, Steff, will be flying into LA for the first time. Should be fun, been a while since I've seen him. Bitch better call me and let me know when he flies in, lol.
Alright, i think i feel a bit better after that word vomit. Thanks for listening.
Love you all.
When I got here to Starbucks to engage in my usual nightly study sessions, I realized, "WTF am i doing? this is supposed to be my spring break, and I'm STILL killing myself with this schedule like there was no break. I've been waking up tired and SUPER early, and STILL running through my schedule. Enough."
Thankfully, I have my laptop with me and I can at least get on the interwebs. I think i've been using my busy schedule as an outlet, as I am upset/stressed over a few things in my life right now, which most of you know is the visa situation. I feel VERY ANGRY AND UPSET that i can't goddamn work as a RN because there's a visa backlog that moves slower than snails having sex. I feel like my chance to move on with my life on my own terms has been ground to a screeching halt again.
Another MAJOR stressor for me is that I am SO tired of having to be financially dependent on my parents. For those unaware, an international student visa requires that i pay out-of-state/nonresident fees, which are basically 3 times more expensive than what a regular student would pay. If i don't take the international student route, i basically have to leave the country. This visa thing really affects my sense of accomplishment in terms of my profession. I CAN'T work as a RN until i get that stupid-ass permission from the immigration service. There are no hospitals that will allow me to volunteer as a nurse, their volunteers are basically unskilled staff who hang out and talk to patients. I didn't warp my brain for 3 years just so i can "volunteer" I feel like I am getting left behind in terms of gaining experience needed for when i go for advanced practice.
Whew...i needed to talk about that. It has been eating at me for a while, i talk about it, but it does come back in waves. it's one of those things where you just stop talking about it for long periods of time because when it comes up, you get really upset and it's hard to get your mind off of it.
before i forget, mblj!!! i got your voicemail, im sorry i havent called back. in fact, i didn't recognize your number, your # was one of the few that missed the transfer when my Palm Centro got damaged. Thanks tho, it was really nice to hear from you. email me your number again, or shoot me a text.
i chatted with kj66 briefly last week, which was cool since he is another one of the folks aside from mblj that i have been meaning to get in touch with for a while. he kinda spurred me to take up updating again, even if it's sporadic. i think part of the reason i have not been able to manage my stress as well as i usually do is because i don't have a verbal outlet of sorts for it anymore. I think it'll help if i hash out my thoughts on here, at least i can take them out of my head.
So, yesterday was a great day! i had only intended on doing homework, working with Lester and then going to see my friend and his parents for dinner that night. I accomplished the homework for sure! and I also spontaneously decided to hang out with Kevin, a guy i met recently and have been talking with/hanging out with. there's a mutual interest, but we're both in the same place wherein we're not quite ready for the serious route, but we enjoy each other's company. which is fine, he has a lot goin on with his life (and a possible move to San Francisco), and as you all know, i have tons goin on with me too. he's very nice, has a sarcastic/dark sense of humor, and to top it off, handsome as hell. anyway, i drove down to his area, we went for lunch, then headed to the coffee shop where he worked on some character designs, while i looked over journal articles for a term paper. it was a LOT of fun, we both got stuff done, and it was just plain nice to hang out. although i didn't want to leave, i had to negotiate traffic from manhattan beach into west hollywood to meet my friend Jason and his parents.
I actually made it to west hollywood MUCH sooner than i was expecting, considering i detoured thinking i had time to stop by the house beforehand. Jason decided that he'd bring his parents to Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary's, LOL. the hostess was able to seat us at the last minute, considering it was packed. she was SUPER cool, i will have to thank her again when i stop by the place. Anyway, none of us won anything, but it was awesome to finally meet Jason's parents. They had SO much fun, and it was so cool to get to know them despite the ruckus. I do feel a bit envious of Jason cuz my parents will NEVER be accepting of me and my friends. While I have made my peace with the idea that my parents will never change their views on GLBTs, i still occasionally mourn that loss. anyway, his parents are a riot, at some point, we were chucking our crumpled up bingo cards at jason instead of at the winner, LOL. His sisters (who happen to be twins) will be out here in May. i'm definitely looking forward to that too, and they're specifically flying in on the day of Drag Queen Bingo, LOL. I got home around 11pm (i had been gone since noon), but it was well worth it. I got to spend time with Kevin, and even squeezed in friends time.
so yeah, that was day off yesterday, i haven't had one in a LONG time, it was nice to just unwind and do stuff for ME. Kevin is driving up to San Francisco this weekend, while another friend, Steff, will be flying into LA for the first time. Should be fun, been a while since I've seen him. Bitch better call me and let me know when he flies in, lol.
Alright, i think i feel a bit better after that word vomit. Thanks for listening.
Love you all.