The Jolly Bastard
Posh Tarts is a weird town. I remember one retarded market stand titled "Will commit suicide for money". I looked into an alleyway and saw a naked black man chained to the wall, I thought nothing of it and walked on. Eventually I ended up at the town square which was round, and at the centre of it was the jolly bastard himself.
Santa: Ho ho ho!
DKJ: Yea...
Santa: Hello there young lad. What a fine boy you are.
DKJ: k?
Santa: And my, your skin looks so smooth.
DKJ: Umm, thanks?
Santa: And your body looks well built. You look like you could take the weight of a bigger and older man on top of you............like myself ho ho.
DKJ: What the hell are you getting at?
Santa: Oh ho, I like it when they struggle.
DKJ: Look, you've shown some suspicious interest in my body, so I'm gonna leave now.
Santa: No wait! Santa will give you a present.
DKJ: Ok fine.
Santa: Just reach into my pocket and take it out...
DKJ: ...
Santa: Come on, it's a real treat.
DKJ: A treat for YOU maybe.
Santa: Ah come, sit on Santa's lap.
DKJ: No way!
Santa: Come, child, come.
DKJ: I said no!
Santa: Come to papa!
DKJ: Wtf!?
Santa: Once you hop on you won't want to get off.
DKJ: You won't LET me get off. Goddamn, get someone else to sit on your lap.
*A little girl comes*
Girl: Santa, I'll sit on your lap.
Santa: Pissoff you little runt!
Girl: WAHHHH! *Runs across the road and gets run over*
DKJ: Well that explains it all.
Santa: Who needs girls anyway? Look at my body boy, what girls do you know that have breasts like mine. *Bounces up and down* I bet they don't jiggle this much either.
DKJ: Oh Jesus Christ! *Walks off*
Santa: Wait, don't go! Santa needs ass :(
I came across this red willy shaped house, I decided to go inside. I saw these two bean bags sticking out of a bag and decided to take a rest on them.
DKJ: Odd, these are pretty warm. And they sure are wrinkly.
???: Hee hee.
DKJ: What the? *Pokes the bags*
???: Heeeeeee hee hee.
DKJ: The hell!? These aren't bean bags, THEY'RE BALLSACKS!
I pulled away the bag and what did I find? THE WISE FUKING WILLY!
Wise Willy: Hello there DKJ-san.
DKJ: What are you doing here?
Wise Willy: I don't know. One minute I was urinating in the town's water supply, the next minute I'm in Santa's house.
DKJ: THIS IS SANTA'S HOUSE!?
*Bag comes off*
Geffrey: Why yes, it's the jolly fat chap's house.
DKJ: GAH!
*More bags come off*
Jeeve: I say, I'm up for a bit of chinwag.
Jif: Goody good my dear man.
DKJ: Oh boy, the whole British gang of faggotry is here.
Jeeve: Say, look at that bag. It's dripping milk.
*Bag comes off*
Janitor: Oh hi.
DKJ: Oh great, the wanking Janitor. Guess the bag wasn't dripping milk >_>
Geffrey: Ah, I've been meaning to ask you good chap. Fido had white stuff all over his head. Did you spill your white paint on him?
Janitor: Heh heh, well you could say that.
DKJ: Uh...
Geffrey: So now that everyone's here, tea anyone?
Jeeve: Oh yes.
Janitor: Sure.
Jif: I wouldn't mind a brownie.
DKJ: Are you guys crazy? If Santa comes he's going to assrape us all.
*Silence*
Geffrey: Tea anyone?
Jeeve: Oh yes.
Janitor: Sure.
Jif: I wouldn't mind a brownie.
DKJ: Goddamn.
Wise Willy: *Veins start pulsating*. Uh oh, willy senses tingling. Danger comes.
Santa: Ho ho ho!
DKJ: Aw crap.
Santa: Santa's feeling jolly, he's going to ride you all like a dolly.
Janitor: Kanye West would be proud of that rhyme.
Santa: And now, it's time for Santa's treat.
DKJ: This is it...
Santa: But before we get to that......heh heh heh...*Evil grin*
*Santa reaches into the cupboard and takes out a kettle*
Santa: Tea anyone?
Jeeve: Oh yes.
Janitor: Sure.
Jif: I wouldn't mind a brownie.
DKJ: OH SCREW THIS SHIT! Guy's were leaving, move it fatty.
Santa: I'm afraid I can't do that.
DKJ: Why not?
Santa: Children who enter Santa's house never leave through the front door again.
DKJ: *Gulp* Why's that?
Santa: THEY LEAVE THROUGH THE BACK DOOR, HAHAHA HO HO!!!
DKJ: .........*Shoots Santa in the balls*
Santa: *Grabs them*. Owwwwwughhhhhh. Santa's balls are leaking............again *Faints*
DKJ: Right let's go. Hey Janitor, you coming?
Janitor: *Fap* *Fap* *Fap*
DKJ: Well he's obviously busy. C'mon!
*Outside*
DKJ: Well then. Today pretty much pissed me off.
Jif: You know what lad, I'm also peeved. I never got my brownie!
Geffrey: Well actually Jif, I got my doo-doo and shaped it into a brownie, just for you. Here, the taste is different, but it will do.
Jif: Wow, you are a true noble friend. *Bites it* Hah, you had brussel sprouts for dinner.
DKJ: Bleh. Hey, you've finally joined us Janitor.
Janitor: Yes, but, well, I'd like to hang around Santa's body a bit longer.
DKJ: Why?
Janitor: Well, you know. *Fap* *Fap*
DKJ: -_-
Dear god, it just doesn't end. And I still have much of this dreadful town left to explore.
Santa: Ho ho ho!
DKJ: Yea...
Santa: Hello there young lad. What a fine boy you are.
DKJ: k?
Santa: And my, your skin looks so smooth.
DKJ: Umm, thanks?
Santa: And your body looks well built. You look like you could take the weight of a bigger and older man on top of you............like myself ho ho.
DKJ: What the hell are you getting at?
Santa: Oh ho, I like it when they struggle.
DKJ: Look, you've shown some suspicious interest in my body, so I'm gonna leave now.
Santa: No wait! Santa will give you a present.
DKJ: Ok fine.
Santa: Just reach into my pocket and take it out...
DKJ: ...
Santa: Come on, it's a real treat.
DKJ: A treat for YOU maybe.
Santa: Ah come, sit on Santa's lap.
DKJ: No way!
Santa: Come, child, come.
DKJ: I said no!
Santa: Come to papa!
DKJ: Wtf!?
Santa: Once you hop on you won't want to get off.
DKJ: You won't LET me get off. Goddamn, get someone else to sit on your lap.
*A little girl comes*
Girl: Santa, I'll sit on your lap.
Santa: Pissoff you little runt!
Girl: WAHHHH! *Runs across the road and gets run over*
DKJ: Well that explains it all.
Santa: Who needs girls anyway? Look at my body boy, what girls do you know that have breasts like mine. *Bounces up and down* I bet they don't jiggle this much either.
DKJ: Oh Jesus Christ! *Walks off*
Santa: Wait, don't go! Santa needs ass :(
I came across this red willy shaped house, I decided to go inside. I saw these two bean bags sticking out of a bag and decided to take a rest on them.
DKJ: Odd, these are pretty warm. And they sure are wrinkly.
???: Hee hee.
DKJ: What the? *Pokes the bags*
???: Heeeeeee hee hee.
DKJ: The hell!? These aren't bean bags, THEY'RE BALLSACKS!
I pulled away the bag and what did I find? THE WISE FUKING WILLY!
Wise Willy: Hello there DKJ-san.
DKJ: What are you doing here?
Wise Willy: I don't know. One minute I was urinating in the town's water supply, the next minute I'm in Santa's house.
DKJ: THIS IS SANTA'S HOUSE!?
*Bag comes off*
Geffrey: Why yes, it's the jolly fat chap's house.
DKJ: GAH!
*More bags come off*
Jeeve: I say, I'm up for a bit of chinwag.
Jif: Goody good my dear man.
DKJ: Oh boy, the whole British gang of faggotry is here.
Jeeve: Say, look at that bag. It's dripping milk.
*Bag comes off*
Janitor: Oh hi.
DKJ: Oh great, the wanking Janitor. Guess the bag wasn't dripping milk >_>
Geffrey: Ah, I've been meaning to ask you good chap. Fido had white stuff all over his head. Did you spill your white paint on him?
Janitor: Heh heh, well you could say that.
DKJ: Uh...
Geffrey: So now that everyone's here, tea anyone?
Jeeve: Oh yes.
Janitor: Sure.
Jif: I wouldn't mind a brownie.
DKJ: Are you guys crazy? If Santa comes he's going to assrape us all.
*Silence*
Geffrey: Tea anyone?
Jeeve: Oh yes.
Janitor: Sure.
Jif: I wouldn't mind a brownie.
DKJ: Goddamn.
Wise Willy: *Veins start pulsating*. Uh oh, willy senses tingling. Danger comes.
Santa: Ho ho ho!
DKJ: Aw crap.
Santa: Santa's feeling jolly, he's going to ride you all like a dolly.
Janitor: Kanye West would be proud of that rhyme.
Santa: And now, it's time for Santa's treat.
DKJ: This is it...
Santa: But before we get to that......heh heh heh...*Evil grin*
*Santa reaches into the cupboard and takes out a kettle*
Santa: Tea anyone?
Jeeve: Oh yes.
Janitor: Sure.
Jif: I wouldn't mind a brownie.
DKJ: OH SCREW THIS SHIT! Guy's were leaving, move it fatty.
Santa: I'm afraid I can't do that.
DKJ: Why not?
Santa: Children who enter Santa's house never leave through the front door again.
DKJ: *Gulp* Why's that?
Santa: THEY LEAVE THROUGH THE BACK DOOR, HAHAHA HO HO!!!
DKJ: .........*Shoots Santa in the balls*
Santa: *Grabs them*. Owwwwwughhhhhh. Santa's balls are leaking............again *Faints*
DKJ: Right let's go. Hey Janitor, you coming?
Janitor: *Fap* *Fap* *Fap*
DKJ: Well he's obviously busy. C'mon!
*Outside*
DKJ: Well then. Today pretty much pissed me off.
Jif: You know what lad, I'm also peeved. I never got my brownie!
Geffrey: Well actually Jif, I got my doo-doo and shaped it into a brownie, just for you. Here, the taste is different, but it will do.
Jif: Wow, you are a true noble friend. *Bites it* Hah, you had brussel sprouts for dinner.
DKJ: Bleh. Hey, you've finally joined us Janitor.
Janitor: Yes, but, well, I'd like to hang around Santa's body a bit longer.
DKJ: Why?
Janitor: Well, you know. *Fap* *Fap*
DKJ: -_-
Dear god, it just doesn't end. And I still have much of this dreadful town left to explore.