i hate back pain.
grrrrrrrrrrrr.
pain like a motherfucker. earliest appt i could get for a neurologist was for may 29th. fuck. *sigh*
tooks vicoden when i got home last night. didn't help. didn't do anything, really, i might have well not taken it. was still tossing and turning last night. sleeping on my back hurt, sleeping on my stomach hurt my stomach, so eventually i stayed on my side with a rolled blanket between my knees.
*pause*
sorry, got distracted. yeah, so i had an interesting dream last night.. two of them. srina was telling me how to get somewhere, and i had to take a helicopter. i don't know how to fly a helicopter. but she told me to pretend, that it was pretty intuitive. so i got in, took it out.. and realized that my co-pilot was tommy lee jones. so suddenly we're with mom in some jeep SUV thing and we're on out way up a mountain of something. like, offroad stuff. on an island. and i'm pointing out the bay behind us. i can't remember the first one, but i remember it was somewhat distressing. i woke up fighting the sheets, mumbling "no, no" then fell asleep and dreamt the second one.
*sigh* at the risk of sounding like a whiny bitch, i'm in pain again. it's so not fluffy. i want to argue with it, to refuse to let it interfere with things i'd normally do, but it's hard today. we were supposed to go see a movie tonight, me, alej, jorie and tammer. but i don't think i'm going to be able to make it. it starts at 9:15 and i can't imagine lasting that long, let alone the 2 hours through it. and i hate that. i hate letting this get the better of me. but i'm just so exhausted by it. it's a low level pain that envelops everything, and when i try to fight it off, ignore it, is when it peaks. goddamn. i haven't made dog food in a week. last night cooks had in-n-out . not that she's complaining, but i feel bad. i haven't done anything all week by go to work, come home, toss some food at her and the cat, crawl upstairs and into bed. usually still with my boots on. i'll lie there for 15 minutes, maybe an hour, then take my boots off and get undressed and crawl back into bed. (last night, i somehow managed to get the 30-hole boots off while lying down. what skill.) my stomach's whacked. i don't know if it's from the stress or from the medications, but i can't keep food down. which sucks because i feel hungry, eat something and lose it. i tried ensure this morning and nearly lost that. ugh. what the hell is wrong with me???
dear sweet lord.
i want to run around screaming "i'm dying! i'm dying!" at the top of my lungs, while ozzy plays 'fire in the sky' in the background. maybe nekked. that would at least make it novel. *singing* can't you see that all my castles are burning... yeah, my fucking BACK is what's burning.
snarf snarf snarf.
pain like a motherfucker. earliest appt i could get for a neurologist was for may 29th. fuck. *sigh*
tooks vicoden when i got home last night. didn't help. didn't do anything, really, i might have well not taken it. was still tossing and turning last night. sleeping on my back hurt, sleeping on my stomach hurt my stomach, so eventually i stayed on my side with a rolled blanket between my knees.
*pause*
sorry, got distracted. yeah, so i had an interesting dream last night.. two of them. srina was telling me how to get somewhere, and i had to take a helicopter. i don't know how to fly a helicopter. but she told me to pretend, that it was pretty intuitive. so i got in, took it out.. and realized that my co-pilot was tommy lee jones. so suddenly we're with mom in some jeep SUV thing and we're on out way up a mountain of something. like, offroad stuff. on an island. and i'm pointing out the bay behind us. i can't remember the first one, but i remember it was somewhat distressing. i woke up fighting the sheets, mumbling "no, no" then fell asleep and dreamt the second one.
*sigh* at the risk of sounding like a whiny bitch, i'm in pain again. it's so not fluffy. i want to argue with it, to refuse to let it interfere with things i'd normally do, but it's hard today. we were supposed to go see a movie tonight, me, alej, jorie and tammer. but i don't think i'm going to be able to make it. it starts at 9:15 and i can't imagine lasting that long, let alone the 2 hours through it. and i hate that. i hate letting this get the better of me. but i'm just so exhausted by it. it's a low level pain that envelops everything, and when i try to fight it off, ignore it, is when it peaks. goddamn. i haven't made dog food in a week. last night cooks had in-n-out . not that she's complaining, but i feel bad. i haven't done anything all week by go to work, come home, toss some food at her and the cat, crawl upstairs and into bed. usually still with my boots on. i'll lie there for 15 minutes, maybe an hour, then take my boots off and get undressed and crawl back into bed. (last night, i somehow managed to get the 30-hole boots off while lying down. what skill.) my stomach's whacked. i don't know if it's from the stress or from the medications, but i can't keep food down. which sucks because i feel hungry, eat something and lose it. i tried ensure this morning and nearly lost that. ugh. what the hell is wrong with me???
dear sweet lord.
i want to run around screaming "i'm dying! i'm dying!" at the top of my lungs, while ozzy plays 'fire in the sky' in the background. maybe nekked. that would at least make it novel. *singing* can't you see that all my castles are burning... yeah, my fucking BACK is what's burning.
snarf snarf snarf.