and down we go...
*deep breath*
so i fell in love again. and now, i've had my heart very gently and tenderly handed back to me. still gift-wrapped, even.
i wish i could be angry. i wish i could claim that i didn't understand why and use my own fury to catapult me back to life, but it's just not there. his reasons were good: i don't fit into his life. i know the reasons, i know the issues, we've both seen them coming from early on. i can't fault his reasons.
i can't fault his reasons. they're real. but i can't just turn off how much i love him. even his presentation was good. he had notes. he'd really thought it through. i can't fault him that. i love him even for that. he was gentle and compassionate even in this.
i adore his passion, even if it's something i don't feel passionate about myself. his faith is inspiring. his sweetness melts me, even now. god, he's amazing. i think that's the sad, tragic truth of it. you don't have to be something to love it. i'm not even sure we really tried. we could have fought, screamed, yelled about everything we argue about, and i could have loved him in spite of it. i could have loved him for being willing to argue about it. i wish he'd have considered that, but i respect his decision. i didn't talk him out of it, just as i wouldn't have wanted anyone to talk me out of a decision i'd made. call me a freak, whatever.
i feel sad. i epitomize sadness. well, alright, so i'm not entirely the epitome of it yet, i think i'm still numb. i can still sit here at work and smile and even laugh. soon jeff and i'll be off to the bar and i'll smile and laugh. but how i hate the emptiness.
life is short and love is rare: live fast and die pretty.
*sigh*
dear god.
so i fell in love again. and now, i've had my heart very gently and tenderly handed back to me. still gift-wrapped, even.
i wish i could be angry. i wish i could claim that i didn't understand why and use my own fury to catapult me back to life, but it's just not there. his reasons were good: i don't fit into his life. i know the reasons, i know the issues, we've both seen them coming from early on. i can't fault his reasons.
i can't fault his reasons. they're real. but i can't just turn off how much i love him. even his presentation was good. he had notes. he'd really thought it through. i can't fault him that. i love him even for that. he was gentle and compassionate even in this.
i adore his passion, even if it's something i don't feel passionate about myself. his faith is inspiring. his sweetness melts me, even now. god, he's amazing. i think that's the sad, tragic truth of it. you don't have to be something to love it. i'm not even sure we really tried. we could have fought, screamed, yelled about everything we argue about, and i could have loved him in spite of it. i could have loved him for being willing to argue about it. i wish he'd have considered that, but i respect his decision. i didn't talk him out of it, just as i wouldn't have wanted anyone to talk me out of a decision i'd made. call me a freak, whatever.
i feel sad. i epitomize sadness. well, alright, so i'm not entirely the epitome of it yet, i think i'm still numb. i can still sit here at work and smile and even laugh. soon jeff and i'll be off to the bar and i'll smile and laugh. but how i hate the emptiness.
life is short and love is rare: live fast and die pretty.
*sigh*
dear god.