And then it hits you....
I guess i pretty much can handle being on my own. I don't need a guy to make me feel special or important. I don't need to be great in the opposite sex's eyes. Well this about proves it. Tomy just called me and i never wanted to see him again after the tequilla insident during the summer and he calls my house all of a sudden just now months latter, maybe even half a year. I hate him, he is such a loser and he disgusts me and makes me feel sick. Why did he have to call me. I was fealing so good right now and he called me and reminded me that i stooped low enough to hang out with a guy 8 years older then me. Gross. I don't know wat i was thinking. I do like older guys though cause for once i can feel like a kid and have someone look after me and that is nice and i can look after them. But how old is too old? I think 19 is to old, i think it depends ont he guy and how he looks and acts. I am not sure. One day i will hopefully find someone who can make me change my ways, and help me realize that i am 15 and not 35. I can carry myself fine though untill then, i just hope it happens someday. I don't need love, lust, or affection, i just need someone with strenght and independence. That is all i could ask for and more. I would rather have a guy hold me in his arms then have sex with him. Call me crazy but that isn't important to me. I want something from them but i don't know what it is, and i am scared that i actual do want to love and be loved cause that means giving up my strenght and independence and having to realy on someone else to feel good bout myself. I hope that doesn't happen.