Fic: One Wicked Christmas [2/2]
Back to Part One
Arthur went down the remaining set of stairs, sidestepping Merlin’s frozen brother as he did so. Reaching Merlin, he put his hands on his shoulders.
“Merlin, I’m not going to break up with you. I’m sure there’s some law out there against breaking up with someone on Christmas. And I’ll punch you in the face, I swear I will, if you continue to even consider the possibility of making me forget about you,” Arthur told him fiercely.
Merlin gave him a half-smile, looking a little relieved at Arthur still wanting to stay. But Arthur could still see Merlin’s worry clear on his face. He doubted Arthur’s sincerity.
Arthur pressed forward, determined to erase the doubt in Merlin’s mind. “I don’t want to forget about you, about our relationship. We’ve been together long enough to weather any storm. I just want you to explain your brother to me… and what we’re going to do about the fact he’s a fugitive now that he’s murdered all those people at that mental institution. Has Merlyn killed before?”
Merlin shook his head. “He’s just had thoughts of murder…but we can’t turn him in, Arthur. Maybe they’ll just put him back into another mental facility because of his history, but that’s doubtful…”
“-considering he may just murder everyone at another facility too,” Arthur finished with a nod. “And everyone assumes he’s dead anyway. He told me he put in a dead body double for himself to cover up his crime.”
In the corner of his mind, Arthur could scarcely believe he was discussing what to do with a murderous fugitive, his boyfriend’s brother no less, on bloody Christmas Eve. It just felt wrong. But he had to get through this, and hope there was a way to resolve the problem of Merlin’s brother being intent on killing him.
“Magic can be useful in creating body doubles,” Merlin said grimly, his shoulders slumped. He sighed. “That’s not my biggest concern. The thing is, if he gets convicted, and given the death penalty… Arthur, his death would mean I die too. We’re connected in that way. Well, I’m dependent on his survival, but he’s not dependent on me living…so I suppose I got the short end of the straw.”
Arthur laughed hollowly. He rubbed his brow. “Great. So we’re going to harbor your fugitive brother? I’m definitely never forgetting this Christmas,” he said drily, shaking his head.
“You’re okay with the harboring then?” Merlin asked him, looking unsure.
Arthur kissed him and then he ruffled his dark hair for good measure. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I like you alive, Merlin. If you have a problem with that, then well--”
Merlin smiled quietly at him. “Thank you. I like you alive too. Sorry about my brother trying to kill you,” he apologized to him, despite Merlin’s brother being the one who should actually apologize to Arthur.
Though Arthur somehow doubted that Merlin’s mad brother would ever do that.
“I’ll unfreeze Merlyn and put him to sleep. Then we can talk. I’ll explain everything to you…” Merlin promised him, but Arthur heard the uneasiness in his voice.
Arthur almost dreaded to think what secrets Merlin could be hiding. From the looks of the current situation, Arthur didn’t believe the secrets were positive ones.
He yearned for the days when he only to concern himself with accepting the fact that Merlin possessed real, honest-to-goodness magic.
~ * ~
Merlin told Arthur to head to their bedroom while he took care of his brother and set him up in the guest room. The less of Arthur that Merlin’s brother saw the better since Merlin doubted that his brother would be persuaded not to kill Arthur.
So Arthur left Merlin, taking his fallen sword along with him. He didn’t miss the burdened look on Merlin’s face as he made to leave though. Arthur wished him good luck, unable to think of anything better to say, but he felt a bit dumb for saying it considering the oddness of this whole situation.
Merlin smiled at him appreciatively, accepting the supportive gesture for what it was.
Once Arthur had gone up the stairs and retreated to their bedroom, Merlin unfroze his brother.
Merlin put his hand on his shoulder in case his brother overbalanced after being freed of the spell. Upon the spell’s lifting, the first thing that his brother did was to kiss him.
Reluctant to resist, Merlin let him and he even returned the kiss, allowing his brother to force him back against the wall. Merlyn’s hands became entangled in his hair. But Merlin put a stop to the inevitable when his brother’s hands shifted below his waist, teasing him with what could happen. Merlin was only mildly embarrassed that he was half-hard from this brief fumbling, but this wasn’t the first time.
And he always reminded himself that Merlyn was not a separate entity, not entirely at least. He wasn’t truly his brother, and it was natural to feel this way. They had only been intimate once, and if Merlin had anything to say about it, that was the last time. Not that the one time had been a mistake, but he personally feared for how his life would go if he had kept on the path he had fallen into. Of always keeping a close eye on his brother because Merlin was the only one he truly listened to. It had been a tiring, frustrating task more often than not.
That was why meeting Arthur was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Having Arthur in his life gave Merlin hope that things could change for the better.
But now with his brother back, Merlin was reminded that there were some things he simply couldn’t tell Arthur. Yet Arthur needed to know, he had a right to know, and so Merlin would tell him as much as he was comfortable with. Yet despite the complications of dealing with Merlyn, Merlin still loved him. He could never hate him. He just couldn’t. Heaven help him - he could never actually leave his brother for good…putting him in a mental institution had only been bandaging the problem temporarily.
After two years, the bandage had been torn off. It was time to confront the problem head-on.
With that thought, Merlin firmly pushed his brother’s hands away. “No. Not now,” he said to him in a stern voice.
His brother stopped, not looking too upset about Merlin’s refusal, and instead he stroked Merlin’s cheek, which Merlin allowed because he understood how much Merlyn needed this.
“Do you realize it’s Christmas? You couldn’t have picked a worst time, Merlyn. And now I have to live with the knowledge that you killed all those people, and now you’re trying to kill my boyfriend. I’m not happy with you now. I’m sure you know that.”
Merlyn shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t kill those people, the plague did… and I find your boyfriend a complete nuisance. Like I said, it’s his fault that he took you away from me. Neither of us can run away from this. We’re a problem that needs repair, don’t deny that.”
Merlin sighed. He took his brother’s hand in his own and kissed each of his fingers. Shaking his head, he slid down the wall and sat down, his brother sat down next to him.
“Nothing’s changed,” Merlin said grimly. “It’ll still be dark magic no matter how you look at it. You remember what Nimueh told us: any attempts now at reuniting will only result in both of us dying. It won’t solve anything. I hate it as much as you do, but it’s the truth.”
“There is one solution,” said Merlyn.
“What do you mean?” Merlin asked him, feeling an impending sense of dread at what he would say next. He just knew that he wouldn’t like it.
His brother magically summoned one of the fallen daggers that had injured Merlin to him. He peered at the dagger intently, appearing entranced by the mirror shine of the blade with Merlin’s blood covering part of it.
“I should be the one to die first. I shouldn’t have been born after all. It would be the right thing to do.” He said in far too casual a tone for Merlin’s liking.
His brother’s hands trembled as he held the dagger.
Merlin frowned at him and wrenched the dagger away from his brother. “No. You die, I die.”
“But maybe that’s the only way. Maybe only in the afterlife will we be together again as we are meant to be. And if you kill me, then you’ll only drop dead. You’ll die painlessly. Merlin, I can’t bear not being a part of you. I feel wrong even after all these years.”
Merlin made the dagger vanish away with his magic. “No. I said no. I’ll think of another way, I promise you, but not this. I don’t want to die; it’s too soon for me. There is a solution that’ll work for the both of us. Just trust me. All right?” He pleaded of him.
“I’d do anything for you, you know that,” his brother told him earnestly. “I want us both to be happy. That would be nice.”
He kissed Merlin softly on the lips, and embraced him.
“Okay. Okay,” Merlin uttered, feeling like he had accomplished what he could for now. “Here,” he conjured a set of black fingerless mittens with a white snowflake design on the palm side. “I need you to put on these fingerless mittens,” he asked him gently. “Your magic must be exhausted. This will help to calm your magic, give it some peace.”
“Thank you,” Merlyn said sincerely. He put on the fingerless mittens Merlin handed to him. “I’ve missed you terribly,” he intimated to Merlin.
“I have too,” Merlin replied, smiling a little at him. He had been reluctant to have his brother sectioned, but with his need to move things forward with Arthur and not letting his brother hold him back…eventually his reluctance fell away. Their mother had made a convincing enough argument that Merlin couldn’t help but relent in the end.
He stood up, and gave his brother a hand. He led him to the guest room, telling Merlyn that he was looking tired and he should get some sleep.
Merlyn acquiesced, but it was hard for Merlin to leave him in the room as he could see in his brother’s eyes that he was still yearning for that physical touch. Like after all those months without it, now that Merlyn could have the contact - he despaired of letting it go.
Merlin kissed him on the lips in apology, and then to help him sleep more peacefully, he placed him under a dreamless sleeping spell.
He magically removed the floating red candles from the living room since they were a potential fire hazard. In their place, Merlin created the light scent of apple cinnamon to spread through the whole house. That would suffice. Then he stood in the living room for a long moment, staring into nothing and thinking how sometimes, he felt that awful, dark ache that consumed his brother every second of every day. Merlin couldn’t imagine how his brother could stand it, how terrible it was for him to deal with a separation that he had never asked for.
He set aside those sad thoughts, and he mentally prepared himself to speak to Arthur.
~ * ~
“Hi,” Merlin greeted Arthur as he entered their bedroom.
Arthur looked up, putting away the book he had been perusing. “Hey. Everything all right?” He asked Merlin in a tone of concern.
Merlin gave a long sigh, rubbing his brow, and he sat down beside Arthur on the bed. “Yes for now…Merlyn’s asleep and he won’t be attacking you again if I have anything to say about it,” Merlin assured him though his smile was weak.
Arthur could tell that he was still concerned about keeping his brother’s behavior in check.
“I feel very reassured,” Arthur said, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
Merlin rolled his eyes, unsurprised that Arthur wasn’t fooled. His brother’s desire to kill Arthur wasn’t something that was easily fixed after a good night’s sleep.
“I’m sorry…it’s just I put him in the psychiatric institution - my mum had to convince me though since I wasn’t thrilled with the idea - because I wanted to make things work with you,” Merlin confessed to him. “I wanted to live together in the same house with you, and I was hoping to hold off on you finding out about my brother until…well, forever, but I knew deep down that was ridiculous. You would find out eventually. I’m sorry that it had to be during the holidays, but I suppose this is karma come to bite me in the arse,” Merlin said resignedly.
“I figured as much since he told me he’d been there for two years, coinciding with how long we’ve been living together. He blames me for being with you when, from what I saw, your brother would prefer that he was with you instead…” Arthur deduced.
Merlin nodded sullenly. “Yes. I was worried that when you saw how Merlyn acted…how affectionate he was with me, that you’d be ready to leave. It’s not easy to take, I understand that… so that’s why I hope you’ll be open-minded enough with what I need to tell you. You knowing about my magic will help a lot, I think,” he decided, giving Arthur a small smile.
“Okay. I’m listening. I’ll be as open-minded as possible,” he assured Merlin.
“I have to start from the beginning,” Merlin told him.
“This story wouldn’t be a ‘Once upon a time…’ type of story, I gather?” Arthur couldn’t help saying with a cheeky grin.
“Shut it, you,” Merlin retorted, a small chuckle escaping him. “All right. Anyway. The thing is, my mum never carried twins. She was only pregnant with me for nine months. No other baby showed up on the ultrasound during that time. Just me.”
“So you two really aren’t twins then?” Arthur asked, still in disbelief at the thought since the pair of them looked the definition of identical twins.
“By medical terms, no,” Merlin acknowledged. “The problem started when my mum went into labor with me. I came out first, and that should have been the end of the story. But it wasn’t. Another baby came out a few minutes later - freaking out the doctors and nurses as you can imagine. It just didn’t happen. How can a woman carry only one baby for nine months and suddenly, another full-term baby would appear with no previous indication of the child’s existence? Maybe with multiples, you could miss a baby since there is more than one to account for. Yet everything had been going normally with me…this should have been a normal, uneventful birth. Even stranger was the fact that the second baby was the exact same height and weight as me. You know how multiples have lower birth weights and usually are born prematurely?”
“Yeah,” said Arthur, starting to get the feeling that magic had to be at play here.
“I had a normal birth weight, and Merlyn weighed the same as me. We were both perfectly healthy on a physical level. It was like the two of us weren’t born together, but separately, because we didn’t have lower birth weights as multiples should have. My dad had a bit of magic in him, as you know, so he was able to sort of prevent the medical staff from looking into the peculiarities of my brother’s unexpected appearance. He just had everyone accept that we were identical twins, nothing else.
“Early on, there were signs that my brother had issues…” Merlin continued on, confirming Arthur’s suspicion that Merlin’s brother hadn’t been sound of mind for years. “…like when it came to naming him. This is going off what my mum told me, of course, as I was too young to remember. My mum and dad were stuck on what to name my brother. They had only anticipated my arrival, so they had already decided on ‘Merlin’ as my name.
“My brother and I were in the room in our mum’s arms when my parents decided to give my brother a name that wasn’t Merlin. Despite being barely a day old, my brother began crying, practically howling in tears, when my parents sounded like they’d finalized a name that wasn’t Merlin for him. My brother was dead set against the name, apparently, and luckily, my mum was perceptive enough to realize that. The timing of the cry was too coincidental.
“So my parents decided that maybe giving him the same name as me, but with just a slight change, would work. I think at that point, my dad - with having magic and all - realized that the second baby had a stronger connection with me than anyone could conceive. And the fact that my brother seemed to settle down, quite content, when my parents finalized, ‘Merlyn’ as his name proved that.
“Not to mention he liked to stay close to me, to touch me,” Merlin informed him, though Arthur had of course witnessed Merlyn’s affection firsthand. “It even came down to my brother hating being put in a separate crib from me. So he used his magic to make the crib wider so he could nap beside me. I’m not sure how he was able to use magic when he was just a baby…it was probably emotionally-based that caused his magic to bend to his will. My mum told me that I sometimes used my magic when I was a baby too. That made me feel guilty for my poor mum who didn’t possess any magic, but she had to deal with two magic children. Especially after my dad died when I was only a few years old. She deserves all the jewels in the world for managing to raise us, honestly,” Merlin confided in him.
“I agree with you there. Though she did a brilliant job with you,” Arthur told him with a smile. Merlin smiled quietly back at him. Arthur then said, “I assume with your brother, there was only so much ‘nurturing’ she could do with him.”
Merlin sighed. “Unfortunately yes. The issues with my brother weren’t things that could be nurtured away. Merlyn also had some of the same preferences as me - like with the apple cinnamon-scented candles. I loved the scent of apple cinnamon, and he happily preferred the scent as well because of me. When I was ill, my brother couldn’t stand it and magically transferred the sickness onto himself, so that I wouldn’t have to suffer through it,” he recalled guiltily despite not being the one to do the transfer. It had been his brother’s choice through and through. “Before my father died, he contacted this er…witch pediatrician by the name of Nimueh. He hoped that she would have the knowledge to explain what my brother was, to confirm my father’s suspicions that magic had a role to play in my brother’s existence. After all, both my brother and I possessed powerful magic - such strong magic was unheard of in this modern age, as you would expect.”
“So what was Nimueh’s expert opinion?”
“It was my fault, Arthur,” Merlin admitted, the guilt he felt weighing heavily on him and bleeding into his words as he spoke. “Or really, my magic’s fault. Merlyn is literally a part of me that separated from me at the moment I was born. Nimueh explained that I was so powerful that my magic simply couldn’t be contained inside me without me dying from the excess amount of magic. So Merlyn was the solution to the problem - he could contain that excess magic and I could live as a result. Back in the Middle Ages, these events were uncommon, but when they did happen, the parents were able to kill the unexpected child. This child was usually called the other child. They believed the other child to be a spawn of the devil, and acted accordingly.”
“Wait, but wouldn’t both children die? After what you told me - you’ll die if your brother dies.”
Merlin nodded. “Luckily - or unluckily for the condemned child you could say - centuries ago, the parents were able to get away with it. They ‘right’ child was left unaffected and survived the other child’s demise. But over the centuries, some higher power made his disapproval clear of these parents killing one of their children.
“In the 17th century, during the Salem witch trials, a woman had two daughters born in a similar way as Merlyn and me. The girls possessed magic as we did, the other child exhibited great agitation at being given a name unlike her sister’s, and also she was very affectionate with her sibling. The mother named them Ann and Anne with an ‘e’. Following the old ways of the Middle Ages, the mother killed the other child, but both her daughters died. The old ways of doing things didn’t work anymore. Even worse, the woman had had no other children but those two girls, and she was unable to bear more children after Ann and Anne’s deaths. Distraught and believing she had been cursed, she committed suicide.”
“Shit,” Arthur breathed out. “It was lucky then that Nimueh was able to warn your parents about that.”
Merlin nodded in agreement. “Yes. Though my mum told me that she would never dream of killing Merlyn, and she said that my dad was the same.”
“All right. So if Merlyn’s literally a part of you, then would that part be the darkest part of you?”
“I know you’re probably thinking he’s like my ‘evil twin’,” Merlin guessed, frowning at Arthur. “--but his mental issues are more frustration at not being where he belongs. If it were possible, Merlyn would gladly return inside me. He hates being separated from me. There was more to his being sent to a mental institution - he was living at a council estate, and he made all the other residents uncomfortable by giving everyone evil looks. People thought he was plotting to kill them, but actually, he was just feeling antsy and my moving in with you didn’t help. I was trying to make a new life for myself. It was admittedly wearing me down to always be keeping an eye on him. I’m the only person Merlyn gives a crap about, Arthur… even with our mother, I’m doubtful he’d care if he killed her. Earlier when he accidentally injured me with the daggers, that was on purpose on my part. I knew it would stop him in his tracks and divert his focus from hurting you if his focus was on healing me. He can never bear to see me hurt.”
“So your brother being ‘antsy’ means he looks like he wants to murder other people?”
Merlin shrugged, appearing unsure what to say. “Yeah. That’s just how he is. It’s fortunate actually that Merlyn didn’t need to go to school. My mum sent him to school, but she quickly realized it was a bad idea. Some of the older kids were picking on me since I was a bit scrawny, and I swear - I think Merlyn would have succeeded in ripping their heads off if an adult hadn’t intervened. So my mum decided he should be homeschooled, but then technically Merlin didn’t even need that,” Here, Merlin paused, and he side-glanced Arthur as if he was hesitant to reveal this detail.
“Why?”
“This is freaky,” Merlin warned him. “It’s a bit like sci-fi. Even now as we’re talking, anything I say, do, think or experience - Merlyn will have all this information automatically downloaded into his brain. It doesn’t matter that he’s sleeping now. When he wakes up, he’ll still have that information.”
“I was wondering how he could repeat the same words you told me earlier,” Arthur said, understanding now. And Merlin was right. His brother’s ability was straight out of science fiction. “Going by what you said then, he was able to learn as you learned.”
“Yes. He could just be sitting, doing nothing, and the information comes into his mind like, well, magic. And he could also comprehend the material at the same level as me. He could do a maths problem on my level even though he hadn’t had anyone showing him how to do it. He also has the memories of you and me being intimate. It was like he had been an invisible observer in the same room at the time. So that certainly doesn’t help his annoyance with you. He can be possessive of me. I’m sure anyone I dated would have been put on Merlyn’s “need to kill” list. He doesn’t care if you’re nice or a bastard, just the fact that I’m with you in an intimate way is enough to get him fired up.”
“Doesn’t that drive you mad? He knows everything about you… or does it work the other way around? Can you know what he does too?” Arthur wondered.
“No. Only Merlyn has that automatic download ability. I feel a close bond with him, like a twin would typically feel for the other twin, but it’s not as intense as Merlyn’s bond with me. He’s more powerful than me I suppose because of that. And after almost three decades of living with the knowledge of Merlyn’s special ability, I learned not to think about it too much. There’s nothing I can do about it but accept that I’ll be hard-pressed to keep any secrets from him. Anything to live more peacefully is a positive in my book,” Merlin confided in him resignedly.
“Wait, maybe some part of Merlyn’s brain still believes he never separated from you in the first place,” Arthur hypothesized. “Maybe that’s why he can so easily know everything you experience and so on?”
He contemplated what scientists would find if they studied Merlyn’s brain, but he highly doubted Merlin would condone his brother’s brain being studied. If they found actual evidence of magic, then Arthur didn’t think in these modern times that the discovery would be handled so well. It would possibly be exploited, and people like Merlin who possessed magic would be experimented on in the name of scientific advances. It would be a disaster, Arthur concluded, and promptly ended thoughts on the subject.
“Yes,” Merlin agreed, nodding. “You’re on to something there. And with a bit of magic, the sky’s the limit.”
Then Arthur asked, “Is that all you have to tell me? After all that revelation, I’m feeling tired and thirsty too…overwhelmed is an understatement.”
Merlin smiled as he conjured a glass of water for Arthur to quench his thirst. He magicked another glass for himself as well. Once they had both satisfied their thirst, Merlin spoke.
“I’ve told you enough,” Merlin decided. “Well, maybe more than enough to convince you to break up with me. Like I told you before, I’m perfectly okay if you don’t want to see me anymore… I feel like an idiot trying to hope that you’d never find out about him. That we wouldn’t be sitting here talking about ‘the other children’ and why my brother is the way he is.”
Arthur sighed. He grasped Merlin’s hands together in his. Lifting Merlin’s chin up so that he would look at him, Arthur said firmly, “I love you, Merlin. There is nothing you can do to change who your brother is. It’s not your fault that he was created… I’m sure you didn’t tell your magic to make another person when you had just barely been born. The way I see it, this was a good thing because otherwise - if what you told me is true - you would’ve died with all that excess magic inside you. I would have never met you, and never known what a great person you are. Your brother’s existence is the reason you’re alive and well today. And you make me so happy. Not even Merlyn’s urge to kill me can dampen my happiness every time I see you smile…and I say to myself, “I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have this amazing man by my side”.”
Merlin’s blue eyes brightened as they welled up with tears that refused to fall. Merlin embraced Arthur, obviously moved by his heartfelt words. He kissed him too, which Arthur heartily returned.
“Thank you,” Merlin told him emphatically. “I was so worried…” he admitted quietly, “but you’re still here. And maybe this Christmas won’t be so bad after all. I promise I’ll find a way to deal with my brother. A way that’ll keep you safe. I promise,” he reassured Arthur as if still somewhat doubtful that Arthur would leave if his brother was still out for Arthur’s blood.
“I trust in your judgment and magical abilities, Merlin,” Arthur told him confidently, meaning every word of it. “We should get some sleep now. That’d be good,” Arthur declared, yawning as he did so.
Merlin smiled at him. “I agree.”
They did just that. With Merlin’s back facing him, Arthur’s arm was draped over Merlin’s waist, and their hands entwined together.
~ * ~
December 25th | Christmas Day
Merlin was unsurprised that he was unable to even make himself sleep in on Christmas Day.
He woke up not long after the sun rose, quietly slipping out of bed so as not to disturb Arthur’s sleep. The sooner he was awake, the better he’d be able to watch his brother and make sure he didn’t sneakily attempt to kill Arthur again.
Taking his mobile with him, he went to the guest room Merlyn was in. His brother had woken up too.
“Hey. Merry Christmas,” he greeted him as he settled himself in the blue beanbag chair.
“Merry Christmas, sorry I made a mess out of it for you…a bit…” Merlyn said, only sounding half-apologetic.
“What’s done is done,” Merlin declared with a shrug. It wasn’t worth making a fuss of it now. On the plus side, he got to spend this Christmas with his brother. Merlyn hoping to kill Arthur was just a minor setback… “I’m going to call to ask advice about what we should do. We can end this year on a positive note.”
Merlyn was duly suspicious. “Did you come in here to make sure I don’t kill your boyfriend?”
“Partially yes…” Merlin admitted hesitantly.
His brother only smiled, not truly mad at Merlin. He never was.
“You told him about Ann and Anne,” he said firmly. “I’ve always thought that story had the makings of a good horror film…or a dramatic tragedy…” Merlyn mused.
“Yeah, I’d go for dramatic tragedy,” Merlin contributed absentmindedly, half-focused on what he would say to Morgana.
His brother sat down on the floor beside him, then he lifted Merlin’s left hand - the one not clutching the mobile - and he proceeded to gently flex and extend each of his fingers. Merlin was so used to this behavior that he paid him little mind as he surveyed his phonebook and selected Morgana’s number.
Morgana picked up the phone on the third ring.
“Morgana? Hi. I’m sorry to call so early. Merry Christmas to you too! I got your gift, will give it to you at the party this evening. No, I promised myself to keep it a secret. I added a magical touch to it, couldn’t resist. Listen, I need your advice on something magic-related…”
~ * ~
“Merry Christmas, Arthur,” Merlin wished him with a grin on his face.
Arthur smiled back at him. He rubbed his eyes, forcing himself to wake up. “You must be my Christmas present,” he joked with a wink.
“Wake up, sleepy head,” Merlin said cheerfully. He swept the covers back so that the sudden rush of cold would get Arthur up.
“Ah no fair,” Arthur protested weakly. He slowly climbed out of bed. “Where’s Merlyn?” He asked, uncertain whether Merlin’s brother was hiding behind the bedroom door, ready to attack Arthur.
Merlin gave him a half-smile, looking a bit apologetic and sheepish too.
Arthur heard it then. An undeniable meowing sound.
Merlin bent down to pick up a dark grey kitten from the floor. The grey fluffball was now purring and rubbing himself against Merlin contentedly.
Arthur looked at the kitten, then at Merlin, then at the kitten again. “Please don’t tell me that’s who I think it is.”
“It was Morgana’s idea. Merlyn agreed to it, as long as I took care of him. I think he’ll be happier as a cat. I also made him promise that he would be polite to you.”
“Wait, does that mean he has some awareness of who he is?” Arthur wanted to know, increasing the distance between the kitten-carrying Merlin and himself.
Merlin gave an exasperated sigh. “Yes, he does a little bit, but it should be fine. Trust me. This change is permanent, so he’ll be a cat for the rest of his life. Merlyn’s calmer in this form too. I promise he won’t try to claw your eyes out. He can’t communicate in human-speech, but I may be able to make that happen with some time,” Merlin said all this so quickly that Arthur was sure he missed a detail. It was almost like Merlin didn’t want to reflect on the “brother is a kitten” change too deeply. “For now, we’ll both look after him,” he emphasized including Arthur in this potentially deadly job of taking care of this kitten.
“Maybe just you for now…” Arthur said uneasily. He couldn’t just forget Merlyn trying to kill him. He certainly needed longer than a few hours to move on past it. At the moment, he saw this kitten as more of a murderous ball of fur and not the cute little furry creature others probably would see.
{ The kitten:
}
Without warning, Merlin walked up to Arthur and abruptly put the dark grey kitten in his arms. Instinctively, Arthur was forced to cradle the kitten in his arms so that the small creature wouldn’t fall.
Arthur began to believe in Merlin’s assessment when the kitten only hissed, but he didn’t attempt to scratch at Arthur with his little claws. The kitten settled down enough to give Arthur hope that maybe looking after the furry creature wouldn't be so bad.
Merlin looked pleased. “See? Merlyn kept his promise.”
“All right. You win,” Arthur conceded. He pet the kitten on the head. “So what are we calling him? Merlyn would get confusing…unless you’re planning to change your name,” he said, half-convinced that maybe Merlin would do just that.
“We worked that out too,” Merlin assured him. “And no, it won’t require changing my name.”
Earlier…
“Why dark grey?” Merlin asked his brother.
“I like the color of your mitten-things,” Merlyn admitted quietly. “Is that all right? Would black work better with the spell?”
Merlin had been expecting that. After all, his brother did latch on to most of the same preferences as him. Of course he’d like the dark grey fingerless mittens more because Merlin was wearing them. The black ones Merlin had offered him just didn’t compare. “Any color you choose is a good one. It won’t be an issue for the spell. And as far as your name--” Merlin prompted.
“Merlinian,” Merlyn answered straight away, almost as if he had that name already picked out for some time. “I like that name.”
“Merlinian it is.”
~ * ~
“Merlinian… it works for me. We’ll try this out then,” Arthur declared as self-assuredly as he could. “I can’t help my wariness after how Merlyn tried to kill me, but I don’t scare easy. At least I hope not.”
“I understand. I’ll do my best to make sure this works. This way, I can look after my brother better. I owe it to him after agreeing to send him to the institution,” Merlin confided in Arthur, determined to see this through.
Arthur handed the kitten - Merlinian as he was officially called - back to Merlin.
“I’m sorry… I know you did this for me, Merlin. So that I wouldn’t be in danger. I could tell from what I saw and what you told me that you cared for him almost as much as he did you. Will you miss having Merlyn be human?”
Merlin smiled, shaking his head quickly. Arthur wasn’t deceived by Merlin’s smile. It looked a bit pasted on, and Merlin’s eyes brightened slightly as they did when he was about to cry.
“No, of course not. It would take some getting used to. But I’ll be fine. I’m more concerned with your safety. Please don’t worry about me,” Merlin pleaded of Arthur.
“I can’t help it,” Arthur admitted. He kissed Merlin softly on the lips, just a feather-light touch.
Merlin smiled graciously at him. Then he announced that he’d take Merlinian to play by the Christmas tree downstairs. And that Arthur better hurry and get dressed so he could help Merlin prepare breakfast. As tradition, they would open their presents after breakfast, the most important meal of the day!, Merlin declared and his words echoed in Arthur’s ears as Merlin left the room.
Yes, Arthur thought. He was definitely never forgetting this Christmas.
~ * ~
Before Merlyn’s change, Merlin gave into him knowing that this was the last opportunity ever.
He was with Arthur now. He loved him and Arthur loved him back.
Merlin realized that this one moment of weakness, of temptation, was necessary to truly make a break from the past. To move forward with his life.
Yet he never regretted his brother’s existence or the fact that Merlyn was an ‘other child’ once vilified for being devil’s spawn.
As Arthur had reminded him, he wouldn’t have been alive today if it were not for Merlyn being born after him.
The miracle of life was the greatest gift of all.
~ * ~ The End ~ * ~
Link to reni_m's drawing:
http://einahpets.dreamwidth.org/6148.html
And Merlyn is inspired by my copy!Merlin character from the story, Allegiance to Camelot.
For lols: This is what Merlinian does when Arthur gets home from work (because Arthur is on the naughty list :p). For the purposes of this story (and Arthur's well-being), let's pretend this won't end up happening...
Arthur went down the remaining set of stairs, sidestepping Merlin’s frozen brother as he did so. Reaching Merlin, he put his hands on his shoulders.
“Merlin, I’m not going to break up with you. I’m sure there’s some law out there against breaking up with someone on Christmas. And I’ll punch you in the face, I swear I will, if you continue to even consider the possibility of making me forget about you,” Arthur told him fiercely.
Merlin gave him a half-smile, looking a little relieved at Arthur still wanting to stay. But Arthur could still see Merlin’s worry clear on his face. He doubted Arthur’s sincerity.
Arthur pressed forward, determined to erase the doubt in Merlin’s mind. “I don’t want to forget about you, about our relationship. We’ve been together long enough to weather any storm. I just want you to explain your brother to me… and what we’re going to do about the fact he’s a fugitive now that he’s murdered all those people at that mental institution. Has Merlyn killed before?”
Merlin shook his head. “He’s just had thoughts of murder…but we can’t turn him in, Arthur. Maybe they’ll just put him back into another mental facility because of his history, but that’s doubtful…”
“-considering he may just murder everyone at another facility too,” Arthur finished with a nod. “And everyone assumes he’s dead anyway. He told me he put in a dead body double for himself to cover up his crime.”
In the corner of his mind, Arthur could scarcely believe he was discussing what to do with a murderous fugitive, his boyfriend’s brother no less, on bloody Christmas Eve. It just felt wrong. But he had to get through this, and hope there was a way to resolve the problem of Merlin’s brother being intent on killing him.
“Magic can be useful in creating body doubles,” Merlin said grimly, his shoulders slumped. He sighed. “That’s not my biggest concern. The thing is, if he gets convicted, and given the death penalty… Arthur, his death would mean I die too. We’re connected in that way. Well, I’m dependent on his survival, but he’s not dependent on me living…so I suppose I got the short end of the straw.”
Arthur laughed hollowly. He rubbed his brow. “Great. So we’re going to harbor your fugitive brother? I’m definitely never forgetting this Christmas,” he said drily, shaking his head.
“You’re okay with the harboring then?” Merlin asked him, looking unsure.
Arthur kissed him and then he ruffled his dark hair for good measure. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I like you alive, Merlin. If you have a problem with that, then well--”
Merlin smiled quietly at him. “Thank you. I like you alive too. Sorry about my brother trying to kill you,” he apologized to him, despite Merlin’s brother being the one who should actually apologize to Arthur.
Though Arthur somehow doubted that Merlin’s mad brother would ever do that.
“I’ll unfreeze Merlyn and put him to sleep. Then we can talk. I’ll explain everything to you…” Merlin promised him, but Arthur heard the uneasiness in his voice.
Arthur almost dreaded to think what secrets Merlin could be hiding. From the looks of the current situation, Arthur didn’t believe the secrets were positive ones.
He yearned for the days when he only to concern himself with accepting the fact that Merlin possessed real, honest-to-goodness magic.
~ * ~
Merlin told Arthur to head to their bedroom while he took care of his brother and set him up in the guest room. The less of Arthur that Merlin’s brother saw the better since Merlin doubted that his brother would be persuaded not to kill Arthur.
So Arthur left Merlin, taking his fallen sword along with him. He didn’t miss the burdened look on Merlin’s face as he made to leave though. Arthur wished him good luck, unable to think of anything better to say, but he felt a bit dumb for saying it considering the oddness of this whole situation.
Merlin smiled at him appreciatively, accepting the supportive gesture for what it was.
Once Arthur had gone up the stairs and retreated to their bedroom, Merlin unfroze his brother.
Merlin put his hand on his shoulder in case his brother overbalanced after being freed of the spell. Upon the spell’s lifting, the first thing that his brother did was to kiss him.
Reluctant to resist, Merlin let him and he even returned the kiss, allowing his brother to force him back against the wall. Merlyn’s hands became entangled in his hair. But Merlin put a stop to the inevitable when his brother’s hands shifted below his waist, teasing him with what could happen. Merlin was only mildly embarrassed that he was half-hard from this brief fumbling, but this wasn’t the first time.
And he always reminded himself that Merlyn was not a separate entity, not entirely at least. He wasn’t truly his brother, and it was natural to feel this way. They had only been intimate once, and if Merlin had anything to say about it, that was the last time. Not that the one time had been a mistake, but he personally feared for how his life would go if he had kept on the path he had fallen into. Of always keeping a close eye on his brother because Merlin was the only one he truly listened to. It had been a tiring, frustrating task more often than not.
That was why meeting Arthur was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Having Arthur in his life gave Merlin hope that things could change for the better.
But now with his brother back, Merlin was reminded that there were some things he simply couldn’t tell Arthur. Yet Arthur needed to know, he had a right to know, and so Merlin would tell him as much as he was comfortable with. Yet despite the complications of dealing with Merlyn, Merlin still loved him. He could never hate him. He just couldn’t. Heaven help him - he could never actually leave his brother for good…putting him in a mental institution had only been bandaging the problem temporarily.
After two years, the bandage had been torn off. It was time to confront the problem head-on.
With that thought, Merlin firmly pushed his brother’s hands away. “No. Not now,” he said to him in a stern voice.
His brother stopped, not looking too upset about Merlin’s refusal, and instead he stroked Merlin’s cheek, which Merlin allowed because he understood how much Merlyn needed this.
“Do you realize it’s Christmas? You couldn’t have picked a worst time, Merlyn. And now I have to live with the knowledge that you killed all those people, and now you’re trying to kill my boyfriend. I’m not happy with you now. I’m sure you know that.”
Merlyn shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t kill those people, the plague did… and I find your boyfriend a complete nuisance. Like I said, it’s his fault that he took you away from me. Neither of us can run away from this. We’re a problem that needs repair, don’t deny that.”
Merlin sighed. He took his brother’s hand in his own and kissed each of his fingers. Shaking his head, he slid down the wall and sat down, his brother sat down next to him.
“Nothing’s changed,” Merlin said grimly. “It’ll still be dark magic no matter how you look at it. You remember what Nimueh told us: any attempts now at reuniting will only result in both of us dying. It won’t solve anything. I hate it as much as you do, but it’s the truth.”
“There is one solution,” said Merlyn.
“What do you mean?” Merlin asked him, feeling an impending sense of dread at what he would say next. He just knew that he wouldn’t like it.
His brother magically summoned one of the fallen daggers that had injured Merlin to him. He peered at the dagger intently, appearing entranced by the mirror shine of the blade with Merlin’s blood covering part of it.
“I should be the one to die first. I shouldn’t have been born after all. It would be the right thing to do.” He said in far too casual a tone for Merlin’s liking.
His brother’s hands trembled as he held the dagger.
Merlin frowned at him and wrenched the dagger away from his brother. “No. You die, I die.”
“But maybe that’s the only way. Maybe only in the afterlife will we be together again as we are meant to be. And if you kill me, then you’ll only drop dead. You’ll die painlessly. Merlin, I can’t bear not being a part of you. I feel wrong even after all these years.”
Merlin made the dagger vanish away with his magic. “No. I said no. I’ll think of another way, I promise you, but not this. I don’t want to die; it’s too soon for me. There is a solution that’ll work for the both of us. Just trust me. All right?” He pleaded of him.
“I’d do anything for you, you know that,” his brother told him earnestly. “I want us both to be happy. That would be nice.”
He kissed Merlin softly on the lips, and embraced him.
“Okay. Okay,” Merlin uttered, feeling like he had accomplished what he could for now. “Here,” he conjured a set of black fingerless mittens with a white snowflake design on the palm side. “I need you to put on these fingerless mittens,” he asked him gently. “Your magic must be exhausted. This will help to calm your magic, give it some peace.”
“Thank you,” Merlyn said sincerely. He put on the fingerless mittens Merlin handed to him. “I’ve missed you terribly,” he intimated to Merlin.
“I have too,” Merlin replied, smiling a little at him. He had been reluctant to have his brother sectioned, but with his need to move things forward with Arthur and not letting his brother hold him back…eventually his reluctance fell away. Their mother had made a convincing enough argument that Merlin couldn’t help but relent in the end.
He stood up, and gave his brother a hand. He led him to the guest room, telling Merlyn that he was looking tired and he should get some sleep.
Merlyn acquiesced, but it was hard for Merlin to leave him in the room as he could see in his brother’s eyes that he was still yearning for that physical touch. Like after all those months without it, now that Merlyn could have the contact - he despaired of letting it go.
Merlin kissed him on the lips in apology, and then to help him sleep more peacefully, he placed him under a dreamless sleeping spell.
He magically removed the floating red candles from the living room since they were a potential fire hazard. In their place, Merlin created the light scent of apple cinnamon to spread through the whole house. That would suffice. Then he stood in the living room for a long moment, staring into nothing and thinking how sometimes, he felt that awful, dark ache that consumed his brother every second of every day. Merlin couldn’t imagine how his brother could stand it, how terrible it was for him to deal with a separation that he had never asked for.
He set aside those sad thoughts, and he mentally prepared himself to speak to Arthur.
~ * ~
“Hi,” Merlin greeted Arthur as he entered their bedroom.
Arthur looked up, putting away the book he had been perusing. “Hey. Everything all right?” He asked Merlin in a tone of concern.
Merlin gave a long sigh, rubbing his brow, and he sat down beside Arthur on the bed. “Yes for now…Merlyn’s asleep and he won’t be attacking you again if I have anything to say about it,” Merlin assured him though his smile was weak.
Arthur could tell that he was still concerned about keeping his brother’s behavior in check.
“I feel very reassured,” Arthur said, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
Merlin rolled his eyes, unsurprised that Arthur wasn’t fooled. His brother’s desire to kill Arthur wasn’t something that was easily fixed after a good night’s sleep.
“I’m sorry…it’s just I put him in the psychiatric institution - my mum had to convince me though since I wasn’t thrilled with the idea - because I wanted to make things work with you,” Merlin confessed to him. “I wanted to live together in the same house with you, and I was hoping to hold off on you finding out about my brother until…well, forever, but I knew deep down that was ridiculous. You would find out eventually. I’m sorry that it had to be during the holidays, but I suppose this is karma come to bite me in the arse,” Merlin said resignedly.
“I figured as much since he told me he’d been there for two years, coinciding with how long we’ve been living together. He blames me for being with you when, from what I saw, your brother would prefer that he was with you instead…” Arthur deduced.
Merlin nodded sullenly. “Yes. I was worried that when you saw how Merlyn acted…how affectionate he was with me, that you’d be ready to leave. It’s not easy to take, I understand that… so that’s why I hope you’ll be open-minded enough with what I need to tell you. You knowing about my magic will help a lot, I think,” he decided, giving Arthur a small smile.
“Okay. I’m listening. I’ll be as open-minded as possible,” he assured Merlin.
“I have to start from the beginning,” Merlin told him.
“This story wouldn’t be a ‘Once upon a time…’ type of story, I gather?” Arthur couldn’t help saying with a cheeky grin.
“Shut it, you,” Merlin retorted, a small chuckle escaping him. “All right. Anyway. The thing is, my mum never carried twins. She was only pregnant with me for nine months. No other baby showed up on the ultrasound during that time. Just me.”
“So you two really aren’t twins then?” Arthur asked, still in disbelief at the thought since the pair of them looked the definition of identical twins.
“By medical terms, no,” Merlin acknowledged. “The problem started when my mum went into labor with me. I came out first, and that should have been the end of the story. But it wasn’t. Another baby came out a few minutes later - freaking out the doctors and nurses as you can imagine. It just didn’t happen. How can a woman carry only one baby for nine months and suddenly, another full-term baby would appear with no previous indication of the child’s existence? Maybe with multiples, you could miss a baby since there is more than one to account for. Yet everything had been going normally with me…this should have been a normal, uneventful birth. Even stranger was the fact that the second baby was the exact same height and weight as me. You know how multiples have lower birth weights and usually are born prematurely?”
“Yeah,” said Arthur, starting to get the feeling that magic had to be at play here.
“I had a normal birth weight, and Merlyn weighed the same as me. We were both perfectly healthy on a physical level. It was like the two of us weren’t born together, but separately, because we didn’t have lower birth weights as multiples should have. My dad had a bit of magic in him, as you know, so he was able to sort of prevent the medical staff from looking into the peculiarities of my brother’s unexpected appearance. He just had everyone accept that we were identical twins, nothing else.
“Early on, there were signs that my brother had issues…” Merlin continued on, confirming Arthur’s suspicion that Merlin’s brother hadn’t been sound of mind for years. “…like when it came to naming him. This is going off what my mum told me, of course, as I was too young to remember. My mum and dad were stuck on what to name my brother. They had only anticipated my arrival, so they had already decided on ‘Merlin’ as my name.
“My brother and I were in the room in our mum’s arms when my parents decided to give my brother a name that wasn’t Merlin. Despite being barely a day old, my brother began crying, practically howling in tears, when my parents sounded like they’d finalized a name that wasn’t Merlin for him. My brother was dead set against the name, apparently, and luckily, my mum was perceptive enough to realize that. The timing of the cry was too coincidental.
“So my parents decided that maybe giving him the same name as me, but with just a slight change, would work. I think at that point, my dad - with having magic and all - realized that the second baby had a stronger connection with me than anyone could conceive. And the fact that my brother seemed to settle down, quite content, when my parents finalized, ‘Merlyn’ as his name proved that.
“Not to mention he liked to stay close to me, to touch me,” Merlin informed him, though Arthur had of course witnessed Merlyn’s affection firsthand. “It even came down to my brother hating being put in a separate crib from me. So he used his magic to make the crib wider so he could nap beside me. I’m not sure how he was able to use magic when he was just a baby…it was probably emotionally-based that caused his magic to bend to his will. My mum told me that I sometimes used my magic when I was a baby too. That made me feel guilty for my poor mum who didn’t possess any magic, but she had to deal with two magic children. Especially after my dad died when I was only a few years old. She deserves all the jewels in the world for managing to raise us, honestly,” Merlin confided in him.
“I agree with you there. Though she did a brilliant job with you,” Arthur told him with a smile. Merlin smiled quietly back at him. Arthur then said, “I assume with your brother, there was only so much ‘nurturing’ she could do with him.”
Merlin sighed. “Unfortunately yes. The issues with my brother weren’t things that could be nurtured away. Merlyn also had some of the same preferences as me - like with the apple cinnamon-scented candles. I loved the scent of apple cinnamon, and he happily preferred the scent as well because of me. When I was ill, my brother couldn’t stand it and magically transferred the sickness onto himself, so that I wouldn’t have to suffer through it,” he recalled guiltily despite not being the one to do the transfer. It had been his brother’s choice through and through. “Before my father died, he contacted this er…witch pediatrician by the name of Nimueh. He hoped that she would have the knowledge to explain what my brother was, to confirm my father’s suspicions that magic had a role to play in my brother’s existence. After all, both my brother and I possessed powerful magic - such strong magic was unheard of in this modern age, as you would expect.”
“So what was Nimueh’s expert opinion?”
“It was my fault, Arthur,” Merlin admitted, the guilt he felt weighing heavily on him and bleeding into his words as he spoke. “Or really, my magic’s fault. Merlyn is literally a part of me that separated from me at the moment I was born. Nimueh explained that I was so powerful that my magic simply couldn’t be contained inside me without me dying from the excess amount of magic. So Merlyn was the solution to the problem - he could contain that excess magic and I could live as a result. Back in the Middle Ages, these events were uncommon, but when they did happen, the parents were able to kill the unexpected child. This child was usually called the other child. They believed the other child to be a spawn of the devil, and acted accordingly.”
“Wait, but wouldn’t both children die? After what you told me - you’ll die if your brother dies.”
Merlin nodded. “Luckily - or unluckily for the condemned child you could say - centuries ago, the parents were able to get away with it. They ‘right’ child was left unaffected and survived the other child’s demise. But over the centuries, some higher power made his disapproval clear of these parents killing one of their children.
“In the 17th century, during the Salem witch trials, a woman had two daughters born in a similar way as Merlyn and me. The girls possessed magic as we did, the other child exhibited great agitation at being given a name unlike her sister’s, and also she was very affectionate with her sibling. The mother named them Ann and Anne with an ‘e’. Following the old ways of the Middle Ages, the mother killed the other child, but both her daughters died. The old ways of doing things didn’t work anymore. Even worse, the woman had had no other children but those two girls, and she was unable to bear more children after Ann and Anne’s deaths. Distraught and believing she had been cursed, she committed suicide.”
“Shit,” Arthur breathed out. “It was lucky then that Nimueh was able to warn your parents about that.”
Merlin nodded in agreement. “Yes. Though my mum told me that she would never dream of killing Merlyn, and she said that my dad was the same.”
“All right. So if Merlyn’s literally a part of you, then would that part be the darkest part of you?”
“I know you’re probably thinking he’s like my ‘evil twin’,” Merlin guessed, frowning at Arthur. “--but his mental issues are more frustration at not being where he belongs. If it were possible, Merlyn would gladly return inside me. He hates being separated from me. There was more to his being sent to a mental institution - he was living at a council estate, and he made all the other residents uncomfortable by giving everyone evil looks. People thought he was plotting to kill them, but actually, he was just feeling antsy and my moving in with you didn’t help. I was trying to make a new life for myself. It was admittedly wearing me down to always be keeping an eye on him. I’m the only person Merlyn gives a crap about, Arthur… even with our mother, I’m doubtful he’d care if he killed her. Earlier when he accidentally injured me with the daggers, that was on purpose on my part. I knew it would stop him in his tracks and divert his focus from hurting you if his focus was on healing me. He can never bear to see me hurt.”
“So your brother being ‘antsy’ means he looks like he wants to murder other people?”
Merlin shrugged, appearing unsure what to say. “Yeah. That’s just how he is. It’s fortunate actually that Merlyn didn’t need to go to school. My mum sent him to school, but she quickly realized it was a bad idea. Some of the older kids were picking on me since I was a bit scrawny, and I swear - I think Merlyn would have succeeded in ripping their heads off if an adult hadn’t intervened. So my mum decided he should be homeschooled, but then technically Merlin didn’t even need that,” Here, Merlin paused, and he side-glanced Arthur as if he was hesitant to reveal this detail.
“Why?”
“This is freaky,” Merlin warned him. “It’s a bit like sci-fi. Even now as we’re talking, anything I say, do, think or experience - Merlyn will have all this information automatically downloaded into his brain. It doesn’t matter that he’s sleeping now. When he wakes up, he’ll still have that information.”
“I was wondering how he could repeat the same words you told me earlier,” Arthur said, understanding now. And Merlin was right. His brother’s ability was straight out of science fiction. “Going by what you said then, he was able to learn as you learned.”
“Yes. He could just be sitting, doing nothing, and the information comes into his mind like, well, magic. And he could also comprehend the material at the same level as me. He could do a maths problem on my level even though he hadn’t had anyone showing him how to do it. He also has the memories of you and me being intimate. It was like he had been an invisible observer in the same room at the time. So that certainly doesn’t help his annoyance with you. He can be possessive of me. I’m sure anyone I dated would have been put on Merlyn’s “need to kill” list. He doesn’t care if you’re nice or a bastard, just the fact that I’m with you in an intimate way is enough to get him fired up.”
“Doesn’t that drive you mad? He knows everything about you… or does it work the other way around? Can you know what he does too?” Arthur wondered.
“No. Only Merlyn has that automatic download ability. I feel a close bond with him, like a twin would typically feel for the other twin, but it’s not as intense as Merlyn’s bond with me. He’s more powerful than me I suppose because of that. And after almost three decades of living with the knowledge of Merlyn’s special ability, I learned not to think about it too much. There’s nothing I can do about it but accept that I’ll be hard-pressed to keep any secrets from him. Anything to live more peacefully is a positive in my book,” Merlin confided in him resignedly.
“Wait, maybe some part of Merlyn’s brain still believes he never separated from you in the first place,” Arthur hypothesized. “Maybe that’s why he can so easily know everything you experience and so on?”
He contemplated what scientists would find if they studied Merlyn’s brain, but he highly doubted Merlin would condone his brother’s brain being studied. If they found actual evidence of magic, then Arthur didn’t think in these modern times that the discovery would be handled so well. It would possibly be exploited, and people like Merlin who possessed magic would be experimented on in the name of scientific advances. It would be a disaster, Arthur concluded, and promptly ended thoughts on the subject.
“Yes,” Merlin agreed, nodding. “You’re on to something there. And with a bit of magic, the sky’s the limit.”
Then Arthur asked, “Is that all you have to tell me? After all that revelation, I’m feeling tired and thirsty too…overwhelmed is an understatement.”
Merlin smiled as he conjured a glass of water for Arthur to quench his thirst. He magicked another glass for himself as well. Once they had both satisfied their thirst, Merlin spoke.
“I’ve told you enough,” Merlin decided. “Well, maybe more than enough to convince you to break up with me. Like I told you before, I’m perfectly okay if you don’t want to see me anymore… I feel like an idiot trying to hope that you’d never find out about him. That we wouldn’t be sitting here talking about ‘the other children’ and why my brother is the way he is.”
Arthur sighed. He grasped Merlin’s hands together in his. Lifting Merlin’s chin up so that he would look at him, Arthur said firmly, “I love you, Merlin. There is nothing you can do to change who your brother is. It’s not your fault that he was created… I’m sure you didn’t tell your magic to make another person when you had just barely been born. The way I see it, this was a good thing because otherwise - if what you told me is true - you would’ve died with all that excess magic inside you. I would have never met you, and never known what a great person you are. Your brother’s existence is the reason you’re alive and well today. And you make me so happy. Not even Merlyn’s urge to kill me can dampen my happiness every time I see you smile…and I say to myself, “I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have this amazing man by my side”.”
Merlin’s blue eyes brightened as they welled up with tears that refused to fall. Merlin embraced Arthur, obviously moved by his heartfelt words. He kissed him too, which Arthur heartily returned.
“Thank you,” Merlin told him emphatically. “I was so worried…” he admitted quietly, “but you’re still here. And maybe this Christmas won’t be so bad after all. I promise I’ll find a way to deal with my brother. A way that’ll keep you safe. I promise,” he reassured Arthur as if still somewhat doubtful that Arthur would leave if his brother was still out for Arthur’s blood.
“I trust in your judgment and magical abilities, Merlin,” Arthur told him confidently, meaning every word of it. “We should get some sleep now. That’d be good,” Arthur declared, yawning as he did so.
Merlin smiled at him. “I agree.”
They did just that. With Merlin’s back facing him, Arthur’s arm was draped over Merlin’s waist, and their hands entwined together.
~ * ~
December 25th | Christmas Day
Merlin was unsurprised that he was unable to even make himself sleep in on Christmas Day.
He woke up not long after the sun rose, quietly slipping out of bed so as not to disturb Arthur’s sleep. The sooner he was awake, the better he’d be able to watch his brother and make sure he didn’t sneakily attempt to kill Arthur again.
Taking his mobile with him, he went to the guest room Merlyn was in. His brother had woken up too.
“Hey. Merry Christmas,” he greeted him as he settled himself in the blue beanbag chair.
“Merry Christmas, sorry I made a mess out of it for you…a bit…” Merlyn said, only sounding half-apologetic.
“What’s done is done,” Merlin declared with a shrug. It wasn’t worth making a fuss of it now. On the plus side, he got to spend this Christmas with his brother. Merlyn hoping to kill Arthur was just a minor setback… “I’m going to call to ask advice about what we should do. We can end this year on a positive note.”
Merlyn was duly suspicious. “Did you come in here to make sure I don’t kill your boyfriend?”
“Partially yes…” Merlin admitted hesitantly.
His brother only smiled, not truly mad at Merlin. He never was.
“You told him about Ann and Anne,” he said firmly. “I’ve always thought that story had the makings of a good horror film…or a dramatic tragedy…” Merlyn mused.
“Yeah, I’d go for dramatic tragedy,” Merlin contributed absentmindedly, half-focused on what he would say to Morgana.
His brother sat down on the floor beside him, then he lifted Merlin’s left hand - the one not clutching the mobile - and he proceeded to gently flex and extend each of his fingers. Merlin was so used to this behavior that he paid him little mind as he surveyed his phonebook and selected Morgana’s number.
Morgana picked up the phone on the third ring.
“Morgana? Hi. I’m sorry to call so early. Merry Christmas to you too! I got your gift, will give it to you at the party this evening. No, I promised myself to keep it a secret. I added a magical touch to it, couldn’t resist. Listen, I need your advice on something magic-related…”
~ * ~
“Merry Christmas, Arthur,” Merlin wished him with a grin on his face.
Arthur smiled back at him. He rubbed his eyes, forcing himself to wake up. “You must be my Christmas present,” he joked with a wink.
“Wake up, sleepy head,” Merlin said cheerfully. He swept the covers back so that the sudden rush of cold would get Arthur up.
“Ah no fair,” Arthur protested weakly. He slowly climbed out of bed. “Where’s Merlyn?” He asked, uncertain whether Merlin’s brother was hiding behind the bedroom door, ready to attack Arthur.
Merlin gave him a half-smile, looking a bit apologetic and sheepish too.
Arthur heard it then. An undeniable meowing sound.
Merlin bent down to pick up a dark grey kitten from the floor. The grey fluffball was now purring and rubbing himself against Merlin contentedly.
Arthur looked at the kitten, then at Merlin, then at the kitten again. “Please don’t tell me that’s who I think it is.”
“It was Morgana’s idea. Merlyn agreed to it, as long as I took care of him. I think he’ll be happier as a cat. I also made him promise that he would be polite to you.”
“Wait, does that mean he has some awareness of who he is?” Arthur wanted to know, increasing the distance between the kitten-carrying Merlin and himself.
Merlin gave an exasperated sigh. “Yes, he does a little bit, but it should be fine. Trust me. This change is permanent, so he’ll be a cat for the rest of his life. Merlyn’s calmer in this form too. I promise he won’t try to claw your eyes out. He can’t communicate in human-speech, but I may be able to make that happen with some time,” Merlin said all this so quickly that Arthur was sure he missed a detail. It was almost like Merlin didn’t want to reflect on the “brother is a kitten” change too deeply. “For now, we’ll both look after him,” he emphasized including Arthur in this potentially deadly job of taking care of this kitten.
“Maybe just you for now…” Arthur said uneasily. He couldn’t just forget Merlyn trying to kill him. He certainly needed longer than a few hours to move on past it. At the moment, he saw this kitten as more of a murderous ball of fur and not the cute little furry creature others probably would see.
{ The kitten:
}
Without warning, Merlin walked up to Arthur and abruptly put the dark grey kitten in his arms. Instinctively, Arthur was forced to cradle the kitten in his arms so that the small creature wouldn’t fall.
Arthur began to believe in Merlin’s assessment when the kitten only hissed, but he didn’t attempt to scratch at Arthur with his little claws. The kitten settled down enough to give Arthur hope that maybe looking after the furry creature wouldn't be so bad.
Merlin looked pleased. “See? Merlyn kept his promise.”
“All right. You win,” Arthur conceded. He pet the kitten on the head. “So what are we calling him? Merlyn would get confusing…unless you’re planning to change your name,” he said, half-convinced that maybe Merlin would do just that.
“We worked that out too,” Merlin assured him. “And no, it won’t require changing my name.”
Earlier…
“Why dark grey?” Merlin asked his brother.
“I like the color of your mitten-things,” Merlyn admitted quietly. “Is that all right? Would black work better with the spell?”
Merlin had been expecting that. After all, his brother did latch on to most of the same preferences as him. Of course he’d like the dark grey fingerless mittens more because Merlin was wearing them. The black ones Merlin had offered him just didn’t compare. “Any color you choose is a good one. It won’t be an issue for the spell. And as far as your name--” Merlin prompted.
“Merlinian,” Merlyn answered straight away, almost as if he had that name already picked out for some time. “I like that name.”
“Merlinian it is.”
~ * ~
“Merlinian… it works for me. We’ll try this out then,” Arthur declared as self-assuredly as he could. “I can’t help my wariness after how Merlyn tried to kill me, but I don’t scare easy. At least I hope not.”
“I understand. I’ll do my best to make sure this works. This way, I can look after my brother better. I owe it to him after agreeing to send him to the institution,” Merlin confided in Arthur, determined to see this through.
Arthur handed the kitten - Merlinian as he was officially called - back to Merlin.
“I’m sorry… I know you did this for me, Merlin. So that I wouldn’t be in danger. I could tell from what I saw and what you told me that you cared for him almost as much as he did you. Will you miss having Merlyn be human?”
Merlin smiled, shaking his head quickly. Arthur wasn’t deceived by Merlin’s smile. It looked a bit pasted on, and Merlin’s eyes brightened slightly as they did when he was about to cry.
“No, of course not. It would take some getting used to. But I’ll be fine. I’m more concerned with your safety. Please don’t worry about me,” Merlin pleaded of Arthur.
“I can’t help it,” Arthur admitted. He kissed Merlin softly on the lips, just a feather-light touch.
Merlin smiled graciously at him. Then he announced that he’d take Merlinian to play by the Christmas tree downstairs. And that Arthur better hurry and get dressed so he could help Merlin prepare breakfast. As tradition, they would open their presents after breakfast, the most important meal of the day!, Merlin declared and his words echoed in Arthur’s ears as Merlin left the room.
Yes, Arthur thought. He was definitely never forgetting this Christmas.
~ * ~
Before Merlyn’s change, Merlin gave into him knowing that this was the last opportunity ever.
He was with Arthur now. He loved him and Arthur loved him back.
Merlin realized that this one moment of weakness, of temptation, was necessary to truly make a break from the past. To move forward with his life.
Yet he never regretted his brother’s existence or the fact that Merlyn was an ‘other child’ once vilified for being devil’s spawn.
As Arthur had reminded him, he wouldn’t have been alive today if it were not for Merlyn being born after him.
The miracle of life was the greatest gift of all.
~ * ~ The End ~ * ~
Link to reni_m's drawing:
http://einahpets.dreamwidth.org/6148.html
And Merlyn is inspired by my copy!Merlin character from the story, Allegiance to Camelot.
For lols: This is what Merlinian does when Arthur gets home from work (because Arthur is on the naughty list :p). For the purposes of this story (and Arthur's well-being), let's pretend this won't end up happening...