ATTN:
So i find myself needing to explain something.
this journal is RAW thought.
unprocessed irrational etc.
nasty shit gets said. dumb shit gets said...
the whole point is it gets said HERE
and not to the perosn in a text in the heat of the moment.
Not some dumbass status msg on fb
not some screaming match in person.
i hurt. i suffer. i feel pain. and i lack pleasure...HERE on lj.
because this is how ive learned to be MORE constructive.
and bridge relationships more rationally. more patiently.
Ive posted a bunch of shit about how "love never existed" or ",everything was a lie" etc.
if that was the case this journal would never have existed.
think of all i can return back to later.
fights from years ago.
where i went wrong.
what i missed.
my ways that failed me.
and what needed to change in me.
i havnt posted a retarded dram filled fb msg in months.
something i wanted to work on.
i need to work on processing pain before speaking.
how i feel and what happened are two very different things.
but i am asking that i be forgiven for any and all dumb shit typed here.
and i not be held accountable for my raw thought.
it is to better myself. it helps me tremondously.
it allows me to teach my future self to be better, while helping me not add more fuel to the fire.
so this journal should never be "said fuel"
---edit---
that being said, the commentary on the raw thought shouldnt be stopped either. that is a large portion/window into what needs to change.
there are two sides to every story even in raw thought.
and now that sara and robby entity has been severed....
and robby has come to terms with this as fact...
that is the difference.
no more pursuit of sara.
no more hope.
sara and robby is not something that can be fixed.
it sucks putting that part in writing.
thres probably only a few weeks left of this journal to be honest.
this journal is RAW thought.
unprocessed irrational etc.
nasty shit gets said. dumb shit gets said...
the whole point is it gets said HERE
and not to the perosn in a text in the heat of the moment.
Not some dumbass status msg on fb
not some screaming match in person.
i hurt. i suffer. i feel pain. and i lack pleasure...HERE on lj.
because this is how ive learned to be MORE constructive.
and bridge relationships more rationally. more patiently.
Ive posted a bunch of shit about how "love never existed" or ",everything was a lie" etc.
if that was the case this journal would never have existed.
think of all i can return back to later.
fights from years ago.
where i went wrong.
what i missed.
my ways that failed me.
and what needed to change in me.
i havnt posted a retarded dram filled fb msg in months.
something i wanted to work on.
i need to work on processing pain before speaking.
how i feel and what happened are two very different things.
but i am asking that i be forgiven for any and all dumb shit typed here.
and i not be held accountable for my raw thought.
it is to better myself. it helps me tremondously.
it allows me to teach my future self to be better, while helping me not add more fuel to the fire.
so this journal should never be "said fuel"
---edit---
that being said, the commentary on the raw thought shouldnt be stopped either. that is a large portion/window into what needs to change.
there are two sides to every story even in raw thought.
and now that sara and robby entity has been severed....
and robby has come to terms with this as fact...
that is the difference.
no more pursuit of sara.
no more hope.
sara and robby is not something that can be fixed.
it sucks putting that part in writing.
thres probably only a few weeks left of this journal to be honest.