Life...
Click to viewLife is an oceansize ball of yarn.
I made choices. Many of these choices have brought me joy, but some of the people who I expected to understand better are understanding it very less. And given that some of these people are part of my family, there is a sense of alienation.
However, initial hurts and pains have made me stronger.
I guess also with time I have become more unattatched in my relationships. There is still a lot of room for improvement, of course, but for some reason I am more able to make peace with things.
However, I have the big changes on me. Graduation and looking for job, and certain goals I have in my mind are taking shape. It's not perfect, but I am getting at it.
Maybe it is age (I am 28. And I am not ashamed to hide it!) maybe it is that I am practicing yoga and meditation more seriously, (physical exercise also helps), maybe it is that I have a whole future before me, or a combination of all these things, but I seem to be more at peace. Even when my plans are not accomplished to perfection, I just don't give up like I used to do in the past. I continue. I try to repair mistakes.
Working with people who have mental illnesses has also made me more aware about myself as I help them, especially now that my learning disability is now being more clear to the people who are helping me. It is better because I can know even more how to work my ways around it.
At the same time, I fell short of my expectations of having my life all figured out by now. However, I am making peace with it too.
I remember my past, although I won't get into details about it. I can just say that my poetry was dark, moving between existentialism and death. My mother says that she was watching it because she was worried. But this type of poetry helped me to survive. It was part of what made me stronger. So I don't regret writing it.
I wouldn't say that my current literary work is all roses. It still has existential undertones, and it also has become rather criptic at times (I prefer actually to leave it open to interpretation). But that poetry is what saved my life. Probably this is why, as many of you know, I strongly identify with Morrissey. He was famous for his morosity (although many of his lyrics are whimsical and humorous at times).
Speaking of Morrissey, these are two of many songs of his I can relate. These particular ones seem to describe this stage of my life as of now. Pay attention to the lyrics to know what am I talking about.