I'm always second best to sombody else....
WIth the holidays quickly approaching, I find it weird that I'm so down because normally Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year....it seems to be the one day of the year where pretty much everyone gets along. I think the reason that I've been in the funk that I'm in is because at Thanksgiving, I was hanging out at my cousin's house with my cousin Mike, Julie and Jeff and Mike's wife Michelle. We were all sittin around chit-chattin and Mike randomly reached over and gave Michelle a kiss and said "I can't wait to wake up Christmas morning with you". After he said that, it reminded me that I'm gonna be alone this Christmas, and that's something that I hate. It took me back to last Christmas and how nice it felt to share the holiday with a special someone. Now I have nobody and it sucks,I know that everone's telling me that things will work out in the end and her and I will end up together, but judging from the way things are going, that's never gonna happen, and that saddens me. In my heart I feel that it would, but now I realize that it's just wishful thinking. I was talking to Brad the other day and he asked me if hypothetically her and I did get back together, judging from how much she's changed, if I really want to be with her? I personally don't see the change, but everybody else does, whether it's my friends or even some people whom I work with. I guess the biggest thing that hurts the most is that I was always the one that she'd come to when she was upset and in dire need of someone to talk to, even after we broke up, and now since she's got somebody else, my shoulder is no longer needed to cry on. I still want to be friends with her, at least for now, I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but even if we don't end up getting back together, than I hope that we can still stay close friends. There's that quote from "Sheltered Sky" that kind of applies to the situation, the part that says "How many more times will you have a moment that's so deeply a part of who you are, that you cannot possibly conceive of your life without it? I just hope that things find a way to work themselves out.