Sanity
I try my best to be a good person, and I am in no way flawless or innocent. But my life seems to have a tendency to head for the most stressful situations possible. I know I do alot of it to myself, and alot of it can be blamed on my being waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to emotionally sensitve to shit. But even when I seem to be doing what I know to be the right thing shit seems to blow up. For a long time I was a complete fuck up, more out of ignorance in life than anything. It took me a long time to grow up, and get a grip on what is important in life. I got away from the drugs, I started working like a dog, instead of freaking out on shit I always "try" to think things through these days. My heart and emotions still tend to get the better of me sometimes, but I can control things alot better. I am working towards a better future, and not looking for the easy road but the good one. Still things still seem to have a habit of going to hell. I try to help people and especially when it's the people closer to me but it seems to backfire. It's like I don't win if i'm a fuckup, and I don't win if I am a good guy. Part of me is more focused and determined than ever before, and then parts of me seem to be losing self again. I don't want this downward spiral, but I want to get out of it without sacrificing the things I care about. I just don't know how to get out without sacrificing those things I care about the most. The twisting things in my guts, the pain, and helplessness I feel over recent events are making me physically ill. How can I not hurt without hurting more? God i'm rambling...........