A Tale of Musk
So, it's a couple of days before Christmas and instead of smelling like wreaths, eggnog, fireplace and mistletoe, I decided this year's Christmas should wreak of musk. Especially with Bone coming down later
that day.
So, being in Cranston and all, I went to the sketchy cologne/perfume wholesale discount place. Nonetheless, when I walked in I was drowning in the guidos. The perfume and cologne was enough to
make Salvatore DeLeone choke. The place was packed and I could barely move. So, I stood in front of the counter for 10 minutes, and I wasn't too hard to notice being notiecably taller than everyone else, and
looking as if I needed help. No help came, so I decided not to help "Joe's Wholesale" by giving them my business.
Alas, Bone arrives and my car smells dissapointingly normal. It doesn't wreak of the suffocating stench of the funkiest dog around, the hot weiner, and it doesn't smell of the most dense musk anyone could
bottle. So, after some talk, Bone and I decided to do something about this. We ventured to Filenes in the mall, seeking the muskiest aroma they carry.
Finally, we walk into Filenes and tell the lady we want the muskiest fragrance she has. "It has to wreak of musk, it would be great if the bottle just said "musk" on it. I would like it to be incredibly
pungent." The customers behind us said "That's quite the description whilst laughing." The employee was confused and let us sample several decidedly unmusky colognes. We then had to give her a more vivid
description. "We don't want this to smell even remotely good. It has to be terrible and over the top." I then pitched in with "It needs to smell like we just shot a bear." We could barely contain our laughter
and after she let us sample some more unmusky cologne we were just laughing hard in her face. She was getting flustered on the job by these jovial men. At this point we were OHOHOHOing. We then told her it
was a gift for my father, and explained to her that he HATES new scents, and prefers his cologne to smell like cedar, pine and ash. "He likes it to smell like the woods of Maine." She was fumbling through
more Polo's and the like until she pulled out this stuff called Aramis. It was TERRIBLE. It was probably the worst cologne I have ever smelt. Like all bad musks the color of it was a piss yellow. The lady said she hated it and it was revolting. People around us were choking, we were OHOHOHO'ing as we sprayed clouds of Aramis musk everywhere. There has never been a more awful scent. This was the one we had to buy. So, she
had enough of our shit and left for a while. When we got her attention again we bought some Aramis. It rang up at $40! $40! For the worst smelling cologne imageinable? That's a pretty expensive joke. But, it
had to be done. So, I purchased it. 2 minutes later I was regretting my decision, but we decided we would spray it all over the car and then return it after Christmas, in hopes that the scent would stick in the
seats so that when Nose came down, it would still wreak of musk.
We sprayed it in the seats, in the fabric, in the cushions and even in the vents of my car. The smell was rank, offensive, and vulgar. We smelled TERRIBLE.
Now, fast forward to the day after Christmas. Bone and I reunite and decide it's high time to return the musk. After all, it's $40. We walk up to register hoping it was the same lady. We had our plan: We were
going to tell her my father opened it and said it wasn't rank enough. As we OHOHOHO'd through the aisles of Filenes with a bag of musk, alas it wasn't the same lady. Nevertheless, I wanted my cash back. So I
claimed someone bought this for me as a gift and I hated it. It was a bad smelling cologne that I would never wear. She said, well, "This must have been bought in a different store, there is no way any of the
employees that work here would have reccomended this cologne for a young man." "This cologne is not fit for a young man such as yourself. It's more for an old man." Bone then chimes in by saying "It was probably meant for a sea faring captain. This does not smell good, not even for an old man." The lady at the register laughed and asked if I wanted anything else. "Oh, he's all set. He has quite a collection of
many fine scents." Bone quipped in my behalf. She then looked closer at the receipt and saw that it was purchased at this store. She was noticeably shaken when she saw that. She then said some derogatory
statements about the employee that sold it to us saying "She doesn't really work here much, and doesn't really know what she's doing." I then added "Yeah I don't know why she would reccomend that." Bone had
to walk away before busting out laughing. She gave me my cash back and we raised our arms in victory.
In the aftermath of this musky fiasco, I'm sure the lady that handled our return will scold the lady who sold this musk to us. The lady who sold it to us is probably going to say "These men came in and they were
hooligans. They wanted the worst smelling cologne we had. They said it had to be pungent and terrible. They kept laughing, and dismissing all the colognes I reccomended to them by saying they were too sweet and
nice." The lady who handled our return probably will not believe her. I mean, who walks into a cologne section seeking the worst cologne possible and then pays $40 bucks for it on top of that?
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
that day.
So, being in Cranston and all, I went to the sketchy cologne/perfume wholesale discount place. Nonetheless, when I walked in I was drowning in the guidos. The perfume and cologne was enough to
make Salvatore DeLeone choke. The place was packed and I could barely move. So, I stood in front of the counter for 10 minutes, and I wasn't too hard to notice being notiecably taller than everyone else, and
looking as if I needed help. No help came, so I decided not to help "Joe's Wholesale" by giving them my business.
Alas, Bone arrives and my car smells dissapointingly normal. It doesn't wreak of the suffocating stench of the funkiest dog around, the hot weiner, and it doesn't smell of the most dense musk anyone could
bottle. So, after some talk, Bone and I decided to do something about this. We ventured to Filenes in the mall, seeking the muskiest aroma they carry.
Finally, we walk into Filenes and tell the lady we want the muskiest fragrance she has. "It has to wreak of musk, it would be great if the bottle just said "musk" on it. I would like it to be incredibly
pungent." The customers behind us said "That's quite the description whilst laughing." The employee was confused and let us sample several decidedly unmusky colognes. We then had to give her a more vivid
description. "We don't want this to smell even remotely good. It has to be terrible and over the top." I then pitched in with "It needs to smell like we just shot a bear." We could barely contain our laughter
and after she let us sample some more unmusky cologne we were just laughing hard in her face. She was getting flustered on the job by these jovial men. At this point we were OHOHOHOing. We then told her it
was a gift for my father, and explained to her that he HATES new scents, and prefers his cologne to smell like cedar, pine and ash. "He likes it to smell like the woods of Maine." She was fumbling through
more Polo's and the like until she pulled out this stuff called Aramis. It was TERRIBLE. It was probably the worst cologne I have ever smelt. Like all bad musks the color of it was a piss yellow. The lady said she hated it and it was revolting. People around us were choking, we were OHOHOHO'ing as we sprayed clouds of Aramis musk everywhere. There has never been a more awful scent. This was the one we had to buy. So, she
had enough of our shit and left for a while. When we got her attention again we bought some Aramis. It rang up at $40! $40! For the worst smelling cologne imageinable? That's a pretty expensive joke. But, it
had to be done. So, I purchased it. 2 minutes later I was regretting my decision, but we decided we would spray it all over the car and then return it after Christmas, in hopes that the scent would stick in the
seats so that when Nose came down, it would still wreak of musk.
We sprayed it in the seats, in the fabric, in the cushions and even in the vents of my car. The smell was rank, offensive, and vulgar. We smelled TERRIBLE.
Now, fast forward to the day after Christmas. Bone and I reunite and decide it's high time to return the musk. After all, it's $40. We walk up to register hoping it was the same lady. We had our plan: We were
going to tell her my father opened it and said it wasn't rank enough. As we OHOHOHO'd through the aisles of Filenes with a bag of musk, alas it wasn't the same lady. Nevertheless, I wanted my cash back. So I
claimed someone bought this for me as a gift and I hated it. It was a bad smelling cologne that I would never wear. She said, well, "This must have been bought in a different store, there is no way any of the
employees that work here would have reccomended this cologne for a young man." "This cologne is not fit for a young man such as yourself. It's more for an old man." Bone then chimes in by saying "It was probably meant for a sea faring captain. This does not smell good, not even for an old man." The lady at the register laughed and asked if I wanted anything else. "Oh, he's all set. He has quite a collection of
many fine scents." Bone quipped in my behalf. She then looked closer at the receipt and saw that it was purchased at this store. She was noticeably shaken when she saw that. She then said some derogatory
statements about the employee that sold it to us saying "She doesn't really work here much, and doesn't really know what she's doing." I then added "Yeah I don't know why she would reccomend that." Bone had
to walk away before busting out laughing. She gave me my cash back and we raised our arms in victory.
In the aftermath of this musky fiasco, I'm sure the lady that handled our return will scold the lady who sold this musk to us. The lady who sold it to us is probably going to say "These men came in and they were
hooligans. They wanted the worst smelling cologne we had. They said it had to be pungent and terrible. They kept laughing, and dismissing all the colognes I reccomended to them by saying they were too sweet and
nice." The lady who handled our return probably will not believe her. I mean, who walks into a cologne section seeking the worst cologne possible and then pays $40 bucks for it on top of that?
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO