Fitting icon is fitting.
No, I haven't relapsed back into misery, promise. But I DID get a lot of shit off my chest last night. Wrote a huuuuuuuge long journal entry about all the shit that has been going on, and my thoughts and feelings regarding that. I don't think it will ever see the light of day, to be honest, because I don't exactly want to air the truth, or the depth of my bitterness over it, to everyone... but I have to admit that it sounds mighty appealing at the moment.
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last week or so. About myself. About my relationships. I know who I am. I know what I have to change, and what about me SHOULDN'T have to change. I'm not going to change the way I tackle a romantic relationship just because someone realizes that they can't handle me. I'm a passionate person, and I like spending time with the people I love. I didn't realize that was 'wrong'.
But you know? If it IS wrong, then I don't want to be right, because I NEED to be around the people I love. Maybe that's a co-dependancy thing from the lack of paternal attention, but I've managed all these years, and found someone amazing despite that. Someone who maybe gets angry with me sometimes and knows how to push all the right buttons to hurt me, yes... but to be fair, I know all the same things about him. And we're still together after so long. And this episode has made me realize that he's still HERE for me. He's been my strongest support. So I'm okay with whatever happens.
Davey and I went to visit omgwtflols last night. Watched Breakfast On Pluto again, because none of us have seen it for a WHILE. (Actually, we were GOING to watch Lord of War, too, but we all sort of started falling asleep halfway through it.) Bastian is a pretty great guy. I'm glad Davey was cool with visiting him. Actually, it's partially because of him that I wrote out my thoughts/feelings about shit, and it's because of him that I was up until 4 freaking am. Lol... he made me tea and asked what was up. I feel like I've talked this issue to death, to be honest, but it felt good to just finally get some things out that I'd still been holding in.
For now, that massive journal is staying private. I know that the right thing will come to me in time on what to do about it. I just don't want these negative and hurtful thoughts and feelings inside me all the time. It's not who I am, and not who I want to be. So it's out, it's done, and I can try to forget about it for now.
Thank you again to everyone who has given me support, comfort and/or advice about this whole thing. Even those of you who don't know details. It is very much appreciated.
And in other news, I am such a dork. Davey and I stopped at Hot Topic before getting to Bastian's place, and I totally ordered this awesome vest and jacket I saw on the website on Sunday night. Totally hot. AND IT JUST SHIPPED TODAY, AHHHHH. SO EXCITED. *ahem*
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last week or so. About myself. About my relationships. I know who I am. I know what I have to change, and what about me SHOULDN'T have to change. I'm not going to change the way I tackle a romantic relationship just because someone realizes that they can't handle me. I'm a passionate person, and I like spending time with the people I love. I didn't realize that was 'wrong'.
But you know? If it IS wrong, then I don't want to be right, because I NEED to be around the people I love. Maybe that's a co-dependancy thing from the lack of paternal attention, but I've managed all these years, and found someone amazing despite that. Someone who maybe gets angry with me sometimes and knows how to push all the right buttons to hurt me, yes... but to be fair, I know all the same things about him. And we're still together after so long. And this episode has made me realize that he's still HERE for me. He's been my strongest support. So I'm okay with whatever happens.
Davey and I went to visit omgwtflols last night. Watched Breakfast On Pluto again, because none of us have seen it for a WHILE. (Actually, we were GOING to watch Lord of War, too, but we all sort of started falling asleep halfway through it.) Bastian is a pretty great guy. I'm glad Davey was cool with visiting him. Actually, it's partially because of him that I wrote out my thoughts/feelings about shit, and it's because of him that I was up until 4 freaking am. Lol... he made me tea and asked what was up. I feel like I've talked this issue to death, to be honest, but it felt good to just finally get some things out that I'd still been holding in.
For now, that massive journal is staying private. I know that the right thing will come to me in time on what to do about it. I just don't want these negative and hurtful thoughts and feelings inside me all the time. It's not who I am, and not who I want to be. So it's out, it's done, and I can try to forget about it for now.
Thank you again to everyone who has given me support, comfort and/or advice about this whole thing. Even those of you who don't know details. It is very much appreciated.
And in other news, I am such a dork. Davey and I stopped at Hot Topic before getting to Bastian's place, and I totally ordered this awesome vest and jacket I saw on the website on Sunday night. Totally hot. AND IT JUST SHIPPED TODAY, AHHHHH. SO EXCITED. *ahem*