(Untitled)

[djmadadam]

It's time for a promotion.

howifuckdup2day

It peels, it slices, it dices.
Add your mishaps and shortcomings, and it also degrades and deprecates!

We're having a Buy-One-Get-One-Free Sale AND a 50% Off Sale both AT THE SAME TIME!

JOIN NOW and you'll get a limited-edition
Pile of Fail commemorative plate!

Comments

[buggrit_1979]

I JOINED WEEKS AGO. I want my fucking plate. :(

THIS IS A SCAM.

[djmadadam]

Please, continue to hold...

[buggrit_1979]

I want to speak to your supervisor, now. NOW DAMMIT. I AM ENRAGED, ESCALATE MY CALL.

[djmadadam]

Your call is important to us. Do not hang up. Remain on the line and someone will be with you shortly...

[buggrit_1979]

I will put this call on speakerphone and remain on hold ALL DAY if I have to. DO NOT THINK I WON'T. I will also send angry emails to your CEO and to the consumerist. I will send three a day until I get a form letter response, YES I WILL.

[djmadadam]

Due to an extremely high call volume, our operators are unable to tend to your call at this time. After the tone, please leave your name, contact number and a brief summary of the nature of your call, and one of our representatives will gladly get back to you at the earliest possible opportunity. Alternatively, callers whose last names begin with an 'A' can call back on Mondays between 8:30 am and 8:40 am EST, callers whose last names begin with a 'B' can call back on ...

... callers whose pet goldfish's names begin with a 'Q' can call back on ...

*Beep*

[buggrit_1979]

*beep*

*begins calmly and reasonably* My name is Andrea McFalselycalm. My number is (555)IM-PISST. I am calling because, in good faith, I signed up for your howifuckdup2day offer. I was told, when you took my credit card information, that you would be sending me a commemorative plate within two weeks.

It has been three weeks now.. and I have been very patient. I have been calling daily, and I have been treating more and more dismissively each time I call. *begins heating up* I all every single day, sometimes twice a day, attempting to resolve this issue. And now TODAY you can't even be arsed to take my call. AND I WILL CONTINUE TO CALL EVERY DAY UNTIL I GET MY PLATE OR UNTIL I AM REFUNDED FOR MY PURCHASE BECAUSE THIS IS RIDICULOUS, ABSOLUTELY RIDUCULOUS, SEND ME MY FUCKING PLATE YOU FUCKING FUCKS ARRRRRGLBARGL BLARRRRGAG WHARRGARBLE *froths*

*click*

[djmadadam]

*phone rings*

Hello, this is Myrna Myrtle from Howifuckdup2day. We received your voicemail message and I will be handling your customer service request. In order to more efficiently address your concerns, what I will need from you is the membership number, which you will find in the lower righthand corner of the confirmation letter that was sent to you. For security purposes, I will also need you to verify your date of birth, your social security number, your mother's maiden name, the name of your elementary school, your shoe size, your IQ, the name of your first pet and the name of the first street you lived on (well, that's not really for security purposes, it's actually so I can generate your drag queen name), and the entire value of Pi.