One Task At a Time

[djlosangeles]

Yesterday I kind of lost it. I've been trying to get a used play mat for Bits (they're really expensive new) and I finally found one, but the location was kind of a pain to get to and the map to the house from the station was awful. Bits has been terribly trying recently and even stopped sleeping hardly at all for a while, and yesterday morning she was fussy. That's a bad sign, because usually in the mornings she's in a good mood. I might have been able to head off a meltdown if I stayed home, but I had to meet this person, so out we went. Through Herculean efforts I got her to be mostly quiet on the trains, but by the time we got there she was crying. It was hot, I couldn't find the house, and when the woman finally came to meet me after the second phone call Bits was just screaming in her stroller. (She had screamed in the baby carrier too.) We got to the house, I borrowed the changing mat to change her, and Bits wouldn't stop crying and I broke down and cried too in front of this random lady. She patted my shoulder and got me a glass of water and I nursed Bits and calmed down, but I neither of us were really okay the rest of the day and by the time she went to bed I was depressed and sharp with Soi, who was only trying to help. He went to bed too and I sat down and had a couple of hours to myself and looked up a forum where moms talked about how much they hated the mom gig, then endless childcare circle, even though they loved their kids. The alone time was just what I needed, and today Bits was perfect. I've decided to give up trying to expect anything and just go with the flow. If she takes a nap, great. If not, fine. If she's in a good mood, we'll go out, if not, we'll stay home; if we have to go out and she cries, then she'll just be more tired so she'll sleep better. I'm going to enjoy the things i can, and not worry about whether or not I could be having a better time somewhere else.
A year ago: In England, and I looked pretty good; I'm determined to get my shape back.