(no subject)
*sigh*
Ashley has a new bf... i'm really not sure how to feel... i really dont feel anything... like... at all. all i can think about is... that i fucked up somewhere.
it always happens like that. i do something stupid, and it bites me in the ass. really fucking hard. i never learn, either. by the time my ass has been bitten raw, it's too late for me to do anything about it. the only thing i can do is not let it happen again. well it does. i keep doing it. i don't like having to worry about things so much. i like to just do what i want and have fun while i can.
i don't know why i get so damn lonely. it only happens right after a girl has broken up with me... (notice: i've never broken up with a girl permanently... NEVER). the difference between those spanses of time, the loss of such companionship, the loss of such love... just does it for me. jen says i get all booey-hooey. i do... i dont want to, but i do.
some would tell me that i should really take up religion... so that i have someone to rely on. i appreciate what those people are trying to do for me... but it just doesnt do it for me. i can't believe in something so abstract. there's no way for me to really know that anybody/anything is really listening to me.
at this point, all i really want is a girl that can be more than a best friend for me... but not really a girlfriend. there's gotta be a word for it, but i cant think of it right now. someone that shares my interests, someone i can hang out with, doing things we both enjoy, and (yes i'm shallow. deal with it already) someone attractive. by sheer probability, she has to exist... but how will i ever find her? she could live in australia, or china, or iraq...
i'm not perfect. i'll never be perfect. WHY can't girls just see that and get used to it?
/endrant
so yeah i haven't updated in like... months. well in november i passed my judge certification test for Magic. so now i'm level 1. cool for me.
i've been judging whenever and wherever i can... i head judged a grand prix trial last saturday. i'm also getting more into the high-level tournament scene... i'm trying to go to the Grand Prix in Seattle in March. only problem is money. i must work for wizards. in r&d. hellz yeah.
what else... shitty grades last semester... making up classes in future... wondering what the HELL to major in when i transfer...
i've been working at garlic brothers for a while... not a terrible job, but gets kinda crappy sometimes. there are definitely other jobs i would rather be working *cough BESTBUY cough* but they havent hired me... *fills out online application... again. damnit.*
so yeah... that's about all. comment please... it makes me feel important... like i was actually worth whatever time it took you to comment. thanks :)
Ashley has a new bf... i'm really not sure how to feel... i really dont feel anything... like... at all. all i can think about is... that i fucked up somewhere.
it always happens like that. i do something stupid, and it bites me in the ass. really fucking hard. i never learn, either. by the time my ass has been bitten raw, it's too late for me to do anything about it. the only thing i can do is not let it happen again. well it does. i keep doing it. i don't like having to worry about things so much. i like to just do what i want and have fun while i can.
i don't know why i get so damn lonely. it only happens right after a girl has broken up with me... (notice: i've never broken up with a girl permanently... NEVER). the difference between those spanses of time, the loss of such companionship, the loss of such love... just does it for me. jen says i get all booey-hooey. i do... i dont want to, but i do.
some would tell me that i should really take up religion... so that i have someone to rely on. i appreciate what those people are trying to do for me... but it just doesnt do it for me. i can't believe in something so abstract. there's no way for me to really know that anybody/anything is really listening to me.
at this point, all i really want is a girl that can be more than a best friend for me... but not really a girlfriend. there's gotta be a word for it, but i cant think of it right now. someone that shares my interests, someone i can hang out with, doing things we both enjoy, and (yes i'm shallow. deal with it already) someone attractive. by sheer probability, she has to exist... but how will i ever find her? she could live in australia, or china, or iraq...
i'm not perfect. i'll never be perfect. WHY can't girls just see that and get used to it?
/endrant
so yeah i haven't updated in like... months. well in november i passed my judge certification test for Magic. so now i'm level 1. cool for me.
i've been judging whenever and wherever i can... i head judged a grand prix trial last saturday. i'm also getting more into the high-level tournament scene... i'm trying to go to the Grand Prix in Seattle in March. only problem is money. i must work for wizards. in r&d. hellz yeah.
what else... shitty grades last semester... making up classes in future... wondering what the HELL to major in when i transfer...
i've been working at garlic brothers for a while... not a terrible job, but gets kinda crappy sometimes. there are definitely other jobs i would rather be working *cough BESTBUY cough* but they havent hired me... *fills out online application... again. damnit.*
so yeah... that's about all. comment please... it makes me feel important... like i was actually worth whatever time it took you to comment. thanks :)