Terrible Grief
Carrie Lane's grandmother died Tuesday night at 9. I was so grief stricken at the absolute horror of the timing of the dissolution of our engagement coinciding with this terrible event that my gastritis had me wailing on the floor in absolute agony over the sheer awfulness of the 9th of May.
I wanted so much to drive to Courtice to be with her, to hold her, to give her comfort. Her mother would not allow it. I was forbidden from joining them because of my actions these last weeks. My presence would only exacerbate the grief for her family at having lost a grandmother and a potential son.
What have I done to be so cursed? Have I not acted with love to all, including myself? Have I not maintained my soul's integrity despite the disparate forces that gash and yank at it from all directions?
Were not my intentions always the best - to achieve a great compromise - to bring about an even greater good?
As for intentions, should anyone wish to follow, I now know well the road to hell.
I am lying broken upon it.
I wanted so much to drive to Courtice to be with her, to hold her, to give her comfort. Her mother would not allow it. I was forbidden from joining them because of my actions these last weeks. My presence would only exacerbate the grief for her family at having lost a grandmother and a potential son.
What have I done to be so cursed? Have I not acted with love to all, including myself? Have I not maintained my soul's integrity despite the disparate forces that gash and yank at it from all directions?
Were not my intentions always the best - to achieve a great compromise - to bring about an even greater good?
As for intentions, should anyone wish to follow, I now know well the road to hell.
I am lying broken upon it.