wondering
id really dont know what to do. i'm searching for things to make me feel better about all this. justin is leaving. alicia is leaving. and connie's insurance has run out.
alicia is leaving. i tried so hard to get her out of the mess she was in before so that she could do her thing. she gave it 3 months and then gave up. *shrug* i guess when you're bribed with a car and a phone and tuition, its worth.... nevermind i'm gonna stop there.
justin is leaving. that is the biggest thing bringing me down right now. i was really hoping for him to ask me to go. of course i wouldnt have gone unless we were gonna be serious. but, i spent a year building up this emotion and i only got two weeks with him. how shitty. and now i feel like he's pretending like it never happend. it just seems like it was all in vain. ya know? i just want a reason to feel better about this. its not that i think that he isnt feeling anything, cuz i know that he has a lot going on to deal with. he has to say goodbye to everyone else. but hes taking beau with him. or at least he wants to. and that really makes me feel like i made a mistake with him. i hate to say that, but i know that i feel more for him than i should. cuz we agreed to take it slow cuz there was a possibility that he was getting this job. but see we jumped into thinggs anyway. we may not have made commitments to each other, but ... doing what we did seems like .... it was too much for me to handle to just get knocked on my ass again. who knows, maybe he will come back soemday and things will be better. i just cant tell if he's lost interest in me. i would hope that it didnt disappear that fast. otherwise i sure as hell made a mistake. david told me not to live my life with any regrets. well, its hard to do that if the thing you might regret, dismisses you like an appetizer. like he's going and getting a new life which is the main course and now, he forgot what he's paid for.
enough ramling for now cuz i'm sure i'll do much more of that in the entries to come.
connies insurance has ended. i've already jumped through hoops for that. i gave them all the info they needed and i called the lady and left her messages. so what the hell?????
grr.
well justin and i are going out tonight. that sounds like a realy hoot. *shrug*
alicia is leaving. i tried so hard to get her out of the mess she was in before so that she could do her thing. she gave it 3 months and then gave up. *shrug* i guess when you're bribed with a car and a phone and tuition, its worth.... nevermind i'm gonna stop there.
justin is leaving. that is the biggest thing bringing me down right now. i was really hoping for him to ask me to go. of course i wouldnt have gone unless we were gonna be serious. but, i spent a year building up this emotion and i only got two weeks with him. how shitty. and now i feel like he's pretending like it never happend. it just seems like it was all in vain. ya know? i just want a reason to feel better about this. its not that i think that he isnt feeling anything, cuz i know that he has a lot going on to deal with. he has to say goodbye to everyone else. but hes taking beau with him. or at least he wants to. and that really makes me feel like i made a mistake with him. i hate to say that, but i know that i feel more for him than i should. cuz we agreed to take it slow cuz there was a possibility that he was getting this job. but see we jumped into thinggs anyway. we may not have made commitments to each other, but ... doing what we did seems like .... it was too much for me to handle to just get knocked on my ass again. who knows, maybe he will come back soemday and things will be better. i just cant tell if he's lost interest in me. i would hope that it didnt disappear that fast. otherwise i sure as hell made a mistake. david told me not to live my life with any regrets. well, its hard to do that if the thing you might regret, dismisses you like an appetizer. like he's going and getting a new life which is the main course and now, he forgot what he's paid for.
enough ramling for now cuz i'm sure i'll do much more of that in the entries to come.
connies insurance has ended. i've already jumped through hoops for that. i gave them all the info they needed and i called the lady and left her messages. so what the hell?????
grr.
well justin and i are going out tonight. that sounds like a realy hoot. *shrug*