You, Universe we need to talk
See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared.
- Exodus 23:20
First let me start off with how funny I think it is, that I have started a quote from the bible. Those of you that know me might also find it weird, but for those of you who don't, let me explain. I am religious but in my own way, and generally do not cling to religious groups. I look more inward for my views on god rather than being told what god would be like. When I generally write entries, I skip bible, Koran, torah and dhampada and go with a generic quote but today this seems appropriate.
A couple of year ago, I fell down some step and had what I believe at the time was an angelic vision (most likely a concussion), and it at the time changed my life a complete 180.(even though I still somewhat believe it was a subconscious ploy). I have had my moment where when I truly needed something to happen, it did.
Last night I was at a party, and I got depressed (yea, I know me depressed), and I started to mentally beat up on myself (Oh, yea that is a good thing to do). I just didn't know what to do, and I sat there are look inward to see if I could find an answer that I most likely didn't find want to find.(and still kind of looking through it). Well the party started to move, and I was in no mood to continue with the thin veil of happiness that I was keeping on (which I am sure didn't fool anyone), and I decided to go home. Once I got home, I didn't want to stay there, so I walked to a bar around the street and decided to do some "thinking". (yea, doesn't really help) and after a few I went home and went to bed.
I awoke this morning, to find my spirits worse then they were last night (Oh Joy!!) and I pretty much had to force myself out of bed and get ready for work. I felt like my whole body weighted 1 million pounds, probably because it does...but it really felt like it. I get on the train and I wanted to do what I always do, sit, blast music, close my eyes and try to work out what's going on in my own head. As I sit down, the guy across from me shifts over and I say "Thank You" and he's and elderly gentleman with a smile on his face. As I sit down, he says, "Thank You, That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week." I looked at him to try to gauge how I was suppose to take that comment (was he serious/joking/etc) he said it in all seriousness. I tried to do the remain quite and give the short one word answers as I took my laptop out and tried to get the headphones in. He just started to talk to me about his life and how hard it was, and even though it was hard he struggled through. Every once in a while he would crack a joke (that normally I wouldn't have thought was funny, and today even if I had I wouldn't have laughed) and I would just crack up with laughter. He made a comment, "You needed that didn't you" and I nodded in agreence.
I decided to talk some of my problems with this gentleman, (and I have no clue WHY?) and he sat there and listened to me, unlike I have ever had anyone listen to me. We talked for a good five to ten minutes and he then asked me where I was going, I told him Suburban Station, and that's where he was going too. Then he was getting off the train and asked me directions to 16th and Market (which is around where I worked), so I decided to walk him there. We continued to talk about miscellaneous things, about gas and how young people can live today with prices being so high, etc. (small talk) and I left to head to work.
I had not realized until I left to go to work, that for that 30-45 minutes, I was the happiest I had been in a while, not a single problem really plagued me, I was wrapped up into him talking and joking. When reality set back in, while some of my problems are still here, and I still feel a little depressed, but it isn't completely bad, and I am mildly happy.(for some reason) The reason I tie this to the angel delusion, is that was something I needed that second and I got it. What are the chances that I would run into someone on a train that would put a better spin on the day? I don't know but I appreciate it.
OK That looks like some kind of sappy crap that I would turn off if it was on the TV, and I can't believe it. Damn you universe for ruining a perfectly happy depression I had going on. I leave you with a poem:
Alone
by: Edgar Allen Poe
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
- Exodus 23:20
First let me start off with how funny I think it is, that I have started a quote from the bible. Those of you that know me might also find it weird, but for those of you who don't, let me explain. I am religious but in my own way, and generally do not cling to religious groups. I look more inward for my views on god rather than being told what god would be like. When I generally write entries, I skip bible, Koran, torah and dhampada and go with a generic quote but today this seems appropriate.
A couple of year ago, I fell down some step and had what I believe at the time was an angelic vision (most likely a concussion), and it at the time changed my life a complete 180.(even though I still somewhat believe it was a subconscious ploy). I have had my moment where when I truly needed something to happen, it did.
Last night I was at a party, and I got depressed (yea, I know me depressed), and I started to mentally beat up on myself (Oh, yea that is a good thing to do). I just didn't know what to do, and I sat there are look inward to see if I could find an answer that I most likely didn't find want to find.(and still kind of looking through it). Well the party started to move, and I was in no mood to continue with the thin veil of happiness that I was keeping on (which I am sure didn't fool anyone), and I decided to go home. Once I got home, I didn't want to stay there, so I walked to a bar around the street and decided to do some "thinking". (yea, doesn't really help) and after a few I went home and went to bed.
I awoke this morning, to find my spirits worse then they were last night (Oh Joy!!) and I pretty much had to force myself out of bed and get ready for work. I felt like my whole body weighted 1 million pounds, probably because it does...but it really felt like it. I get on the train and I wanted to do what I always do, sit, blast music, close my eyes and try to work out what's going on in my own head. As I sit down, the guy across from me shifts over and I say "Thank You" and he's and elderly gentleman with a smile on his face. As I sit down, he says, "Thank You, That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week." I looked at him to try to gauge how I was suppose to take that comment (was he serious/joking/etc) he said it in all seriousness. I tried to do the remain quite and give the short one word answers as I took my laptop out and tried to get the headphones in. He just started to talk to me about his life and how hard it was, and even though it was hard he struggled through. Every once in a while he would crack a joke (that normally I wouldn't have thought was funny, and today even if I had I wouldn't have laughed) and I would just crack up with laughter. He made a comment, "You needed that didn't you" and I nodded in agreence.
I decided to talk some of my problems with this gentleman, (and I have no clue WHY?) and he sat there and listened to me, unlike I have ever had anyone listen to me. We talked for a good five to ten minutes and he then asked me where I was going, I told him Suburban Station, and that's where he was going too. Then he was getting off the train and asked me directions to 16th and Market (which is around where I worked), so I decided to walk him there. We continued to talk about miscellaneous things, about gas and how young people can live today with prices being so high, etc. (small talk) and I left to head to work.
I had not realized until I left to go to work, that for that 30-45 minutes, I was the happiest I had been in a while, not a single problem really plagued me, I was wrapped up into him talking and joking. When reality set back in, while some of my problems are still here, and I still feel a little depressed, but it isn't completely bad, and I am mildly happy.(for some reason) The reason I tie this to the angel delusion, is that was something I needed that second and I got it. What are the chances that I would run into someone on a train that would put a better spin on the day? I don't know but I appreciate it.
OK That looks like some kind of sappy crap that I would turn off if it was on the TV, and I can't believe it. Damn you universe for ruining a perfectly happy depression I had going on. I leave you with a poem:
Alone
by: Edgar Allen Poe
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.