(no subject)
Tonight I am trying to put things with Jeff behind me. There is absolutely nothing I can do to make him come back or change his mind. So I'm done trying. If he decides to talk to me on his own, then good. I have to stop trying to get him to talk to me.
I finally decided to let Aaron be and do what he needs to do. Yeah, I still have a soft spot for him but there was nothing about him and I that was worth holding on to anymore. The thing is, when I backed off, I ended up with a pretty cool friend in my life. It is a new thing and I feel like if I'm not careful it won't last, but it is a good start. We're both really different with each other and it is much more fun for me at least. I am kind of hoping that if I do that with Jeff we might be able to get there. I'd be pretty damn lucky to end up with two good friends out of the deal.
Letting go of jeff is a selfish move on my part in a lot of ways. Everytime I call and it goes to voicemail my heart sinks a little. I feel the sting of guilt again and again. I can't do that to myself and I really shouldn't be doing that to him either. The truth is, trying to force him into a friendship he doesn't want to be will hurt both of us, and it has been. Letting go and giving us both the space we need can only be a good thing at this point. I have to accept that he might not be coming back. I hate that. I really do, but I can't change it now. It will suck to lose his friendship, but I'm not sure we ever really had one to begin with thanks to me.
In general, it is time for me to make some more changes in my life. I have some real work to do before I can become the person I want to be, but I believe that I have it in me somewhere. I need to learn how to hold my head up high and the rest will fall into place.
I finally decided to let Aaron be and do what he needs to do. Yeah, I still have a soft spot for him but there was nothing about him and I that was worth holding on to anymore. The thing is, when I backed off, I ended up with a pretty cool friend in my life. It is a new thing and I feel like if I'm not careful it won't last, but it is a good start. We're both really different with each other and it is much more fun for me at least. I am kind of hoping that if I do that with Jeff we might be able to get there. I'd be pretty damn lucky to end up with two good friends out of the deal.
Letting go of jeff is a selfish move on my part in a lot of ways. Everytime I call and it goes to voicemail my heart sinks a little. I feel the sting of guilt again and again. I can't do that to myself and I really shouldn't be doing that to him either. The truth is, trying to force him into a friendship he doesn't want to be will hurt both of us, and it has been. Letting go and giving us both the space we need can only be a good thing at this point. I have to accept that he might not be coming back. I hate that. I really do, but I can't change it now. It will suck to lose his friendship, but I'm not sure we ever really had one to begin with thanks to me.
In general, it is time for me to make some more changes in my life. I have some real work to do before I can become the person I want to be, but I believe that I have it in me somewhere. I need to learn how to hold my head up high and the rest will fall into place.