Battle of the Sexes
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men
and women differ so much. And I never have figured out
the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured
out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want
you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the
planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as
a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you
just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night,
I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work
to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch
and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd
just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment
her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked
out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she
was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this
is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No
honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your
shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to
kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who
I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at
least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
and women differ so much. And I never have figured out
the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured
out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want
you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the
planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as
a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you
just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night,
I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work
to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch
and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd
just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment
her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked
out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she
was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this
is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No
honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your
shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to
kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who
I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at
least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.