Sometimes...
Sometimes I wonder...is she the right girl. Sometimes I wonder...what am I doing? What does it all matter? I've seen it tonight. I wonder about her.
She apparently feels that she knows me. She thinks I'm an emo kid like her. She's wrong. I took her test. It came out GREEN. Which means I value knowledge above everything else. What do I care about other people's feelings. Not a damn. It's not like anyone really cares about me, especially her. I tried talking to her about a subject that I could really warm up to, but she completely steam rolled me.
"I write poetry, and stories about my friends." I was like, really!! Now this is interesting. I used to write poetry and I've written a song or two in my days, and I still write stories. The whole fiction thing which I love soo much. But as soon as I tried to tell her about my story that I'm working on now, she completely ignored me.
It felt like only she mattered and anything I tried to do or say didn't. She told me about a project that she wanted to do and I took passing interest in it, but I still paid attention when she told me about it. I guess I'm not mean when it comes to stuff like that.
Anyways, I think as far as it goes with her, it's over. I've done my crying, I've done my whining, I've done with every sort of emotion I can go through when finding a new infatuation. That's all it was, and that's all it ever will be. I guess I just don't matter that much in Ashley's world, and you know what, I don't fucking care.
That is the sole thing that makes me different from her. She always has told me that when she does something that upsets me not to be mad at her. But the thing is, I'm gonna be mad, I'm gonna vent. I don't want to be told how to feel, I don't want the whole emotionally bullshit. I don't care if I don't fit or I'm not perfect in her world. Hey, you know what, fuck you.
You know, take a random person for example, they'll try to get to know you for awhile. But after a certain time, they'll expect you to pay attention to them. They want someone who'll get to know how they think, how they tick. My greatest joy is to make greater, stronger relationships with the people around me.
I've just been thinking, but what I really want to say is this; Kristina, you really don't know guys if all you think we think about is sex. Ashley, you really don't know me when you call me an emo child. I'm not either of these. I'm a smart, intelligent man who cares about those friends I have around me, and works hard to better their lives. I deeply care about my friends, and I would do anything for them because they are the only family that I have.
I'm gonna go to bed now, and tomorrow, if I have any free time, I'm gonna work on the novel that I've only invested a small amount of time in, but care about deeply. I know that they don't care about what I do, but I do, so fuck them, fuck 'em all.
Sorry, but I get really angry when someone disrespects me as much as they do. Assuming you know me just makes you look like an ASS, and makes me feel nothing but contempt for you.
Peace, Love, and Harmony
(and if you fuck with that, you get hurt, Bitch!)
Eric
P.S. I think I'll give her another chance, just one to prove that she can at least be my friend. I'd really like to have a girl as a friend. I've never had the privilege of knowing that feeling. God told me that she would be my friend, but that I would have to love her like I love him. I don't know if I can.
So not a last chance, but a chance to redeem my feelings for a strong relationship. God Almighty, give me guidance.
To you I commend my Spirit, your faithful servant.
She apparently feels that she knows me. She thinks I'm an emo kid like her. She's wrong. I took her test. It came out GREEN. Which means I value knowledge above everything else. What do I care about other people's feelings. Not a damn. It's not like anyone really cares about me, especially her. I tried talking to her about a subject that I could really warm up to, but she completely steam rolled me.
"I write poetry, and stories about my friends." I was like, really!! Now this is interesting. I used to write poetry and I've written a song or two in my days, and I still write stories. The whole fiction thing which I love soo much. But as soon as I tried to tell her about my story that I'm working on now, she completely ignored me.
It felt like only she mattered and anything I tried to do or say didn't. She told me about a project that she wanted to do and I took passing interest in it, but I still paid attention when she told me about it. I guess I'm not mean when it comes to stuff like that.
Anyways, I think as far as it goes with her, it's over. I've done my crying, I've done my whining, I've done with every sort of emotion I can go through when finding a new infatuation. That's all it was, and that's all it ever will be. I guess I just don't matter that much in Ashley's world, and you know what, I don't fucking care.
That is the sole thing that makes me different from her. She always has told me that when she does something that upsets me not to be mad at her. But the thing is, I'm gonna be mad, I'm gonna vent. I don't want to be told how to feel, I don't want the whole emotionally bullshit. I don't care if I don't fit or I'm not perfect in her world. Hey, you know what, fuck you.
You know, take a random person for example, they'll try to get to know you for awhile. But after a certain time, they'll expect you to pay attention to them. They want someone who'll get to know how they think, how they tick. My greatest joy is to make greater, stronger relationships with the people around me.
I've just been thinking, but what I really want to say is this; Kristina, you really don't know guys if all you think we think about is sex. Ashley, you really don't know me when you call me an emo child. I'm not either of these. I'm a smart, intelligent man who cares about those friends I have around me, and works hard to better their lives. I deeply care about my friends, and I would do anything for them because they are the only family that I have.
I'm gonna go to bed now, and tomorrow, if I have any free time, I'm gonna work on the novel that I've only invested a small amount of time in, but care about deeply. I know that they don't care about what I do, but I do, so fuck them, fuck 'em all.
Sorry, but I get really angry when someone disrespects me as much as they do. Assuming you know me just makes you look like an ASS, and makes me feel nothing but contempt for you.
Peace, Love, and Harmony
(and if you fuck with that, you get hurt, Bitch!)
Eric
P.S. I think I'll give her another chance, just one to prove that she can at least be my friend. I'd really like to have a girl as a friend. I've never had the privilege of knowing that feeling. God told me that she would be my friend, but that I would have to love her like I love him. I don't know if I can.
So not a last chance, but a chance to redeem my feelings for a strong relationship. God Almighty, give me guidance.
To you I commend my Spirit, your faithful servant.