the end begins here
I fear that I'm slipping again. That once again I've found something beautiful in my life that I need to destroy.
Happiness doesn't seem to last long for me anymore, and the smallest thing can turn me off in seconds, and just lay there in the back of my mind, dormant and still, untill one day It goes off like an atom bomb turning my brain into a fucking warzone.
I'm coming to a crossroads soon, and a descision is going to have to be made, one that's not going to come easy, but will come none the less.
So much of me is being held back, so much of my potential is being put on hold for things I don't feel have the same value as what I could be accomplishing, I know it sounds fucked, all of it probably does.
But those who know me best should know that I'm only truly happy when I'm miserable. Then, and only then is when I can thrive, and thrive I do.
I was told a short while ago, that someone was worried that we don't have the same intentions, or the same goals, that we don't see eye to eye because we see two different futures together.
Now its one thing to put doubt in someones mind, its different to tell someone that their futures don't line up. Might as well have said let's just throw in the towell now.
I'm not sure where to go from here. Truly not sure where to go, door number 1, or door number 2?
My mind has been keeping me awake at night, and unlike usual, I haven't been shutting it up with booze, I've been letting it wonder.
I've made a few descisions as of late, to not only better myself, but also to put parts of my life in a faster motion than they are now. Call it a clensing if you will.
Hopefully I'll know what to do when the time comes, hopefully...
Happiness doesn't seem to last long for me anymore, and the smallest thing can turn me off in seconds, and just lay there in the back of my mind, dormant and still, untill one day It goes off like an atom bomb turning my brain into a fucking warzone.
I'm coming to a crossroads soon, and a descision is going to have to be made, one that's not going to come easy, but will come none the less.
So much of me is being held back, so much of my potential is being put on hold for things I don't feel have the same value as what I could be accomplishing, I know it sounds fucked, all of it probably does.
But those who know me best should know that I'm only truly happy when I'm miserable. Then, and only then is when I can thrive, and thrive I do.
I was told a short while ago, that someone was worried that we don't have the same intentions, or the same goals, that we don't see eye to eye because we see two different futures together.
Now its one thing to put doubt in someones mind, its different to tell someone that their futures don't line up. Might as well have said let's just throw in the towell now.
I'm not sure where to go from here. Truly not sure where to go, door number 1, or door number 2?
My mind has been keeping me awake at night, and unlike usual, I haven't been shutting it up with booze, I've been letting it wonder.
I've made a few descisions as of late, to not only better myself, but also to put parts of my life in a faster motion than they are now. Call it a clensing if you will.
Hopefully I'll know what to do when the time comes, hopefully...